Only Her
by xoloveJBox
Summary: When Ryan's little sister, Kim, tells him that she isn't sick, he believes her, but what about if she wasn't telling the truth? Sorry, really suck at summaries... please read :D
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N Hey guys...**_

_**Alright, so this is my first O.C story, and I'm not really sure about it, but here goes nothing haha.**_

_**This is mostly from the POV of Ryan's little sister Kim, who is about eighteen months/two years younger than him. Just imagine that she was there from the beginning with everything, that's what I did when I wrote the story.**_

_**I dont really know when it's set, except that it's before Marissa dies, but other than that, it doesnt really matter :D I've only just started watching the OC properly, and I've just started season two, so it may not be perfect but...yeah...**_

_**Lastly, please R+R because I'm not even totally sure about this story at all, but if I get enough people interested, then I'll be happy to carry on! Oh and p.s this is a little rushed because I literally couldnt think of anything else until I had finished it, so I apologize in advance for the terrible writing haha **_

_**Thanks **_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>"I'm not sick." Kimberly Atwood told her brother, Ryan, for just about the millionth time in two days.<p>

"But Kim, you look terrible." He answered, earning himself a glare from his younger sister.

"Oh, gee, thanks Ry," Kim replied sarcastically, "That's just about what every girl wants to hear from her big brother."

While she was glad that ever since they had moved to Newport Ryan had begun to actually notice her, it was at times like these that Kim wished he wouldn't. In Chino, Ryan and Kim had barely spoken to each other for months, and when they did, it was short and to the point. They had rarely had a real conversation, and even when there was something that Kim wanted to talk about with the only one of her two brothers that she actually liked, she either got the impression that Ryan wasn't listening, or he wasn't there at all. For years Kim had dutifully cleaned up Ryan's face whenever he came home after a fight, but he never told her about them and honestly, she didn't want to know.

However, on the night that Ryan and Trey had been arrested for stealing the car, Kim had sat up for most of the night worrying about them- Trey a little bit, but mostly Ryan. She hadn't gone with her mother to fetch Ryan from the detention centre the next morning, and though she would never had admitted it to anyone else, she was glad that it was Ryan alone who was returning. She had sat silently in her room while her mother and brother argued, listening as their mother threw the two of them out of their home, even though Kim had never even been in trouble at school, never mind the law. It didn't matter anyway- Kim had known then, just as she still knew, that she would go wherever Ryan was, because he was the only person who had ever made her feel safe in her entire life. Ryan was the only one who had ever shown even a little bit of interest in what she needed, like when he had spent almost two months wages in entirety on paying to get her glasses fixed for her, after Kim had repeatedly asked their mother to do it for her. Kim had never even bothered asking Trey. She knew there was no point in wasting her time there.

Since they had been taken in by the Cohen's, things had never been better for Ryan and Kim. They both went to a private school, doing better with their grades then they ever had before, they had a nice place to live and, most importantly, they had people who cared about them. It was in the months since things had started to settle down that Ryan and Kim had started to get closer. Late at night in the pool house, they would actually speak to each other, and it wouldn't be about where they were going to get their next meal from, or about who was going to clean up the mess from their mother's latest drunken rage. They chatted about friends they had made, classes they found interesting, and the various things Seth had said that amused them. Kim kind of found it funny that while they had been in Chino, when she had needed her brother to be there for her, he hadn't been, but now in Newport, where she had more people she could rely on, Ryan made the effort to take care of her, even when she didn't need it, which bought them to where they were.

They were both sat in their pool house; Ryan on his bed, doing chemistry homework, while Kim sat on her bed reading a book. Kim tried to ignore the fact that she could feel Ryan's eyes on her, but she had to admit, it was difficult.

"Come here," Ryan said, clearly not satisfied, beaconing Kim over to him. Kim rolled her eyes dramatically, put her book on her bed and crossed the pool house to where he sat. She plonked herself next to him and sat patiently while Ryan put his hand on her forehead.

"You know, all you're doing is comparing my skin temperature to yours." Kim told him matter-of-factly. Ryan ignored her comment and looked at Kim unhappily.

"You feel a little warm." He told her.

"Ryan, I'm fine alright?" She assured him, getting up and going back to her book. Kim began to read a few lines, but she was distracted by the knowledge that Ryan was still scrutinising her with eyes.

"You'd tell me if you didn't feel well, right?" He asked after a minute of silence.

"Yes," Kim lied, but it seemed to keep Ryan happy.

"Ok," he replied, getting up and heading towards the door. "You want any lunch?"

"I already had lunch."

"Kimmy, a can of soda is not lunch."  
>"I'm just not hungry Ryan, jeez." Kim snapped, annoyed that Ryan just wouldn't leave it alone.<p>

Just as Ryan was about to reply, Kim felt another wave of nausea hit her, and she got up, trying to seem calm, to go to the bathroom.

When she emerged ten minutes later, after yet again emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl, Ryan had left and she was grateful for that. Kim took a quick, cool shower, changed and, despite the fact that it wasn't even three in the afternoon, she climbed into bed and soon fell asleep.

It was growing dark outside when Kim felt Kirsten gently shaking her awake.

"Kim? Kim, honey, wake up." Kirsten cooed softly, kneeling at the side of the bed. Kim sat up groggily, pushing her hair from her face as another streak of pain roared through her stomach. Kim gasped, caught by surprise, but Kirsten didn't notice.

"Your dinner's ready sweetie." Kirsten told her, and Kim nodded, though she didn't really want any.

"What time is it?" Kim yawned.

"Almost six." Kirsten answered simply as she passed Kim her slippers. Kim had slept for almost three hours, and she felt no better for it. She hadn't been completely truthful when her brother had asked her if she was sick, but she knew that Ryan had a tendency to over-worry about her. She hadn't felt quite right for two or three days, and she had thought that it was nothing, but now, as more intense pain coursed through her stomach, she wasn't so sure. Kim thought about telling Kirsten, while they were alone together, but then she decided against it. She knew that she would feel stupid if it was nothing, and she didn't want to cause a fuss. So Kim grabbed her slippers and a thin cardigan, and followed Kirsten out of the pool house.

"Where's Ryan?" Kim asked when they walked into the dining room and he wasn't there.

"Marissa called and they went out." Seth told her as they all sat down.

Dinner was a quiet affair that night, and Kim didn't join in with the Cohen's small talk. She idly pushed vegetables around her plate, pretending to eat them. Kim struggled to keep herself composed as more and more pain hit her like bricks. At times, it got so bad that even her vision blurred.

"Kim?" Sandy's voice startled her, and she jumped a little when he spoke.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "World of my own."

"Are you alright? You've barely touched your food."

"I'm fine. I'm just not hungry." Kim said, trying to sound casual.

"Ryan said you didn't get any lunch either." Seth added, and Kim could feel a cold, clammy sweat dripping down her back.

"I think I got a little too much sun yesterday, that's all." Kim told them dismissively. She picked up her glass of water, her hands trembling almost uncontrollably, and took a long sip. The cool of the water felt good in her hot hands and itchy throat, except now, all three of the Cohens were watching her.

"Are you sure you're ok Sweetie?" Kirsten asked, leaning in to talk to Kim.

"Yeah, I err, can I be excused?" Suddenly, Kim felt worse than she had in days, and the worst pain she had ever experienced grabbed at her body.

Kim didn't remember waiting for an answer before pushing her chair out and standing shakily. However, as she turned, Kim didn't even take a step away from the table before everything went black, and she didn't even feel herself hit the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N Hello again :D**_

_**Ok, so I've had some amazing feedback from the first chapter of this, so I'm definately going to carry on, at least for the time being anyway :) I've been working on this chapter all day, so it's been tweaked and changed so many times it's untrue haha**_

_**Because of some really good advice, I've decided that it wouldnt work so well in the first person, so while the first chapter is in first, the rest of this story will be in the third person...sorry for any confusion haha :) **_

_**I've realised that a lot more people still read OC ff, even though the show finished years ago, which is really cool because I've only just discovered the awesomeness that is Orange County, and I would have felt really deprived if nobody was reading this stuff anymore lol I used to watch OC every sunday morning with my sister, but I was really young at the time, and my sister was younger, so we didnt really understand it as much as we do now :)**_

_**I changed my mind about the whole 'it isnt really set at any point except before Marissa's death' thing. It's now set just after the whole Oliver incident of season one (again, I apologize for the confusion ;D) **_

_**Lastly, please please PLEASE R+R because I'd love to hear what people think, even if it's not particularly good :)**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>Ryan and Marissa walked along the pier, illuminated by the flashing neon signs from the various restaurants, coffee shops and motels that resided there. Though they weren't actually holding hands, their fingers brushed continuously, each wishing that the other would just stop the game they were playing and take their hand.<p>

They didn't talk about anything in particular for a while, one of them commenting on the unseasonably cold breeze, and the other on the steel colour of the water.

When she had called, Ryan hadn't wanted to talk to Marissa. In fact, she was probably the last person in the world he wanted to see. Despite that, Ryan just couldn't ignore her, so he took the call, and agreed to see her. Ryan wandered why Marissa had called him, wanting to know what exactly she had wanted to talk to him about. However, he had an idea. Ryan suspected that she wanted to talk about what had happened with Oliver a few weeks before. They still were not the same with each other, but Ryan had tried, and no one, not even the Cohens, had believed him. It had taken Oliver threatening Marissa with a gun for anyone to take his seemingly paranoid accusations seriously. The whole experience had not just taken its toll on his relationship with Marissa, but with the Cohens as well. They were kind of awkward around him now, especially Seth, because they were all too aware of the seriousness of what might have happened, and guilt at not listening to Ryan sooner. The only person who was still the same with him was Kim. She had believed him all along, but had had no more success in convincing people than Ryan himself had. Despite his desire to make everything go back to the way it had been, Ryan was fairly certain that it never would, not completely, and he didn't want to talk about that, so he didn't mention anything. He simply carried on nodding or grunting in response to whatever it was Marissa was saying.

She could tell that Ryan had lost interest in what she was saying, so she decided to just get it over with. She had come to try and make everything right again, and that wasn't going to be easy. She had made some big mistakes in not trusting Ryan's judgement, and she knew she had ruined it for herself, but that didn't mean she was just going to sit back and let everything get worse between them. Marissa closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to Ryan.

"Look, Ryan, I-"She started, but she was interrupted by the shrill shrieking of the cell phone in Ryan's pocket. He smiled apologetically as he pulled it out, looking to see who it was. The bright blue screen told him it was Seth.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Marissa asked, slightly impatiently. Ryan thought about not getting it, but decided against it.

"Yeah, sorry," He said, flipping the phone open and putting it to his ear "Hey Seth, what's up buddy?"  
>"Ryan!" Seth exclaimed "You have to get to the hospital."<br>"What?" Ryan wasn't sure what he had expected Seth to say, but that hadn't been it. "What's going on?"

"It's Kim."

Ryan and Marissa ran into the hospital. Marissa had driven, because when Ryan had tried to take the keys, she had simply told him that if he drove, they would also arrive in an ambulance.

They rushed over to the receptionist's desk, and Ryan spoke quickly to the dark-haired young woman there.

"Kimberly Atwood?"

The woman looked up momentarily, brushed her eyes over the two of them, and went back to typing on the computer.

"Do you have any id?" she asked in a low, nasally voice.

"What?" Ryan exclaimed, completely bewildered "No, I don't have any id, but she's my sister. Can you just tell me where she is?"

"I'm sorry Sir," The woman replied "I can't tell you information about any of our patients without some form of id."

Ryan was about to start yelling and demanding that someone told him where his sister was, when he heard Sandy's voice booming his name.

"Ryan, over here" Sandy called, and Ryan and Marissa rushed over to him.

"Sandy, what's going on? Where's Kim?" He asked, growing frantic over his lack of information.

"She's in surgery, follow me."  
>"Surgery? What for?"<p>

"We...don't know. The doctor was just about to talk to us when we saw you come in." Ryan and Marissa followed Sandy down a series of winding corridors, each minute that passed with such uncertainty feeling like an hour to Ryan. Sandy suddenly stopped outside a room and opened the door. Inside, Kirsten and Seth sat, each with their heads in their hands. They looked up when Ryan entered the room, and Kirsten got up, throwing her arms around Ryan's neck.

"Where did the doctor go?" Sandy asked, looking around confused.

"He said he'd be right back." Kirsten answered as she released Ryan.

"What even happened?" Ryan asked, realising that he _still _didn't know.

"She just dropped man," Seth replied, and Ryan saw that he looked terrified "One minute she seemed fine, and the next, she was on the floor."

"Jeez," Ryan whispered under his breath, rubbing his eyes with his fingers "I shouldn't have left. I knew she wasn't right, and I went anyway."

"Ryan, this is not your fault, ok. No one noticed that she was sick." Kirsten said softly, trying to ease Ryan's obvious guilt. Ryan was about to say something else when the reappearance of the doctor stopped him. They all turned to him expectantly, waiting for them to give them something-_anything_- about Kim.

"Good evening," the doctor greeted, and Ryan found it amazing that the doctor could be so calm, when he himself was anything but. "I'm Doctor Wilson. First of all, I need to ask if Kimberly has any allergies to medications that may be used during surgery." After a second of thinking, everyone turned to Ryan, who was the only one who might have any idea.

"Err, not that I know of, but I don't think she's ever needed any medication. What's going on with my sister?"

"It seems Miss Atwood's appendix has burst," Doctor Wilson informed them, making Sandy and Kirsten wince at the thought. "We need to remove it immediately"

"Is it serious?" Seth asked, completely clueless and not exactly reassured by his parent's reaction.

"When an appendix bursts, it secretes poison into the bloodstream that can be fatal if it's not caught and treated fast enough." Ryan felt his body go cold at the use of the words 'poison' and 'fatal' in the same sentence that was about his sister.

"Did we?" Ryan asked desperately "Catch it early enough, I mean."

"It'll be hard to tell at the moment. I'm sorry that I don't have any more information for you right now. I'll be sure to keep you updated. One last question: is there any history of appendicitis in your family?"

"I have no idea. I'm sorry." Ryan sighed dejectedly.

Doctor Wilson nodded and left the room, while Ryan slumped down into the chair next to Seth.

"You know," Sandy said, breaking the almost suffocating silence that had fallen over the room "I had appendicitis when I was a kid, and it hurt like hell. Kim's appendicitis was so bad that her appendix _burst_. Imagine what the kid was feeling."

"Why didn't she tell anyone?" Marissa whispered,

"She kind of did. Kim told me to leave her alone. She never does. I should have known something was wrong." Ryan concluded, angrier at himself than he had ever been before.

"Look guys, this is nobody's fault. What's happened has happened, and we can't change it, so let's just focus on keeping it together for Kimberly." Kirsten said firmly, standing up and taking charge of everything. Everyone nodded in agreement, not really sure what else there was to do but wait. Ryan leaned back in his chair, wandering how everything could have gone so incredibly wrong in just one afternoon.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N Three chapter in three days :) I'm really on a roll haha **_

_**OK, so my goal with this chapter was to show how protective and over-worrying Ryan is with his sister, and how vulnerable he is without her, and I really hope that I got that right :) Once again, I've achieved absolutely nothing constructive because of my obsession with the OC and apparently, this story lol.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters that you recognise, they are all simply borrowed for a little while :) **_

_**Please please PLEASE R+R because I'd love to know what people are thinking about this :D**_

_**Alright, I'm going to shut up now and just let you all read it :)**_

_**thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>The two and a half hours that it took for Kim to come out of surgery were the longest Ryan had ever experienced. He paced, he pushed coin after coin into the vending machine to spurt out cup after cup of coffee, leaving each one of them to go cold, paced more, and paced again. Every time he tried to sit still and think about things, he got the overwhelming need to move, walk around, and do <em>something<em>. Though he didn't really want to admit it, Ryan barely noticed the Cohens, and Marissa even less. When he returned from getting himself another coffee that he wasn't going to drink, Ryan saw Marissa sleeping on one of the very uncomfortable looking chairs in the waiting room. He felt a pang of guilt when he realised that it was almost ten and Marissa was clearly exhausted. He put the coffee on the table in the middle of the room and went over to the chair, kneeling in front of Marissa's sleeping form.

"Marissa," he whispered, shaking her gently "Marissa, wake up."

Marissa stirred groggily and looked at him with sleepy eyes.

"Did something happen?" She mumbled, her eyes closing again "What's going on?"

"Nothing, everything's fine." He assured her "Why don't you go home?"

"Are _you_ going home?" she asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes

"Err, no, I'm not." Ryan replied, slightly taken aback by her question.

"Well, then, I'm staying too."

"And so are we." Seth announced as the three Cohens came into the room.

"The doctor's right outside," Kirsten said "He'll be here in a minute."

They sat in almost silence for the few minutes that they had to wait for the doctor, because they knew that it was 'the moment of truth'. It was the time for them to find out if things were going to get better or a whole lot worse. The doctor walked in, and they all unknowingly held their breaths. Ryan took note of the stern look on the man's face, the sickly green scrubs that he still wore, and the stiff posture he held as he stood in the door way. Ryan felt his hands shaking slightly as Marissa placed hers comfortingly over his.

"Well," Doctor Wilson sighed, putting his hands on his hips "the surgery was a success." Ryan let out the breath that he hadn't even known he was holding, and he couldn't suppress the laugh of pure relief and happiness that came out.

"Is she going to be alright now?" Kirsten asked, wiping away a stray tear that slid down her cheek.

"Because of the severity of Miss Atwood's condition when she came in, the healing process will take a little longer than a regular appendectomy, but yes, she should be fine."

"Can we see her?" Ryan asked, overwhelmed by the need to see his sister.

"Kimberly's still sleeping, and she probably will be for at least a few more hours, but of course you can see her."

They all got up to leave, but as he moved towards the door, Ryan felt Marissa pulling him towards her.

"Look, Ryan," she said quietly, so that only Ryan could hear her "this kind of a family thing now, so I'm going to head off, but I'm glad that Kim's going to be ok, and when she wakes up tell her I said hi."

"Oh, ok, well thanks, you know, for staying."

"No problem." Marissa whispered dismissively as she wrapped her arms around Ryan's neck for a moment. They said their goodbyes, and Ryan followed the doctor with the Cohens to Kim's room. The stopped outside the door, Doctor Wilson left, and no one moved.

"Are we going in, or not?" Seth asked, looking from his parents, to Ryan, and back again. Sandy looked at Kirsten, who gave a small nod.

"We think that Ryan should go in alone for a little while first." Suddenly Ryan didn't know what to say, what to do, or what to think. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go in alone, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to go in with the Cohens either. Ryan licked his lips nervously, took a slow, deep breath and grabbed the door handle.

The room was dark and cool, with the curtains closed, and the only light coming from the corridor. Ryan listened to the quiet tones of the machinery, and the slow, steady sound of Kim's breathing. He went over to the side of her bed, watching her sleep. Though her face was pale and she looked like a small child again, Kim looked better than the last time Ryan had seen her just a few hours before, though it seemed like an eternity. Ryan brushed a small piece of hair gently from Kim's face, and twisted his fingers in hers, feeling delicately where an IV went into her arm. Ryan let out a slow breath, and sat down, bringing Kim's hand to his face, feeling her warm fingers tips on his cheek. During his life, Ryan had had a lot of people leave, but that had been their own choice, and that something was going wrong. In a way, that was better, because it meant that there was a way to make things better again afterwards. Sitting next to her, Ryan realised how close he had come to losing Kim too, and he couldn't bare that thought. Especially with the fact that it _wouldn't _have been her choice. Ryan took off his jacket, got as comfortable as was possible, and prepared to be in the room for a while. Until Kim woke up, there was no way he was going anywhere.

"You're brooding," came a small, quiet voice, and Ryan looked up from the magazine that Seth had picked up for him, to see his sister's sleepy eyes on him. He closed the magazine- he hadn't really been reading it anyway, just flicking through it idly. It was near six am, and Ryan had been sat vigilantly next to his sister for almost ten hours. He was exhausted, but each time he had let his eyes close, even for just a second, he's had such vivid thoughts of something happening, that it scared him into staying awake.

"No, I'm not," he answered, though a huge wave of relief washed over him from hearing her voice. "I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm glad you're not dead, or whether I'm going to kill you myself for not saying anything to anyone."

"That's comforting." She murmured.

"You told me you weren't sick," Ryan sighed.

"I wasn't" Kim replied, smiling mischievously.

"Oh, no, that's right, you weren't" Ryan said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable "you weren't sick, you were dying, and I've been sitting here for the last eight hours wandering if you were going to wake up, worried about going to sleep in case something bad happened while I was taking a snooze."

"I'm happy to see you too brother." She whispered, and Ryan mentally cringed. Despite the fact that he felt a little better by getting some of his frustrations out of his system, he had planned to do on a punching bag, not his sister, and he hadn't meant to be so harsh on her so soon.

"I know, I'm sorry." He replied, standing up. "The Cohen's are outside. Do you want me to go and get them?"

"Sure. I guess I have some apologizing to do, for freaking everyone out, right?"

Ryan smiled, secretly glad for the chance to step outside for a while.

"Look," he said, leaning down closer to her "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I'm definitely glad that you're not dead."

"Well, I'm glad we cleared that one up."

"Oh ha ha." Ryan kissed her forehead softly and moved towards the door. Ryan gave Kim a quick, encouraging smile before closing the door and heading off to find the Cohens.

He finally found them, in the large cafeteria. They all looked as exhausted as he felt, as none of them had left at all. Ryan began to move across the room towards them, and saw the flicker of panic on Kirsten's face when she saw him.

"Hey, is everything alright? What's going on?" she asked, frantically.

"Everything's fine. Kim's awake. She asked me to come and fetch you guys."

Seth jumped up happily, urging his parents to move quicker than they were, and the four of them made their way through the winding corridors. While the Cohen's chatted animatedly with Kim, Ryan slumped himself onto the small couch that was on the other side of the room, leaned his head on the back, comforted by the sound of his sister's tinkling laughter at something random that Seth had said, and soon fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N Hello there...**_

_**Ok, so this is a slightly longer chapter, and it's mostly just a filler chapter, so yeah...**_

_**Just so everyone knows, after tonight, I may not have much chance to write any for about a fortnight because I have exams until the 17th, which is why I was so determined to finish and post this chapter tonight, so I hope you guys enjoy :) **_

_**Once again, please R+R so I know whether or not I'm starting to disappoint people. Comment/suggestions/advice/friendly criticisms are always more than welcome! **_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>"Good morning sleeping beauty." Kim chimed cheerfully as Ryan stirred on the couch.<p>

"Hey," he yawned, trying to roll the stiffness out of his shoulders from sleeping upright. "How do you feel today?"

"Better. Especially since I made a new friend last night."

"You did?" Ryan asked, surprised, as he went over and kissed her cheek.

"Oh yeah, her name is Ivy Pole." It took Ryan a second for Kim's joke to make sense, but when it did, he smiled at how awful it was.

"Oh, look at that," he teased playfully "Kimmy made a funny."  
>"Actually, I kind of stole it from Seth this morning," she admitted.<p>

"Ah, that explains it," Ryan laughed "Where is he anyway?"

"I sent them home a couple of hours ago. They should be back soon."

"What time is it?" Ryan asked at the part about 'a couple of hours ago'.

"Twelve-thirty."  
>"Jeez, why didn't you wake me?"<p>

"I would have, but you're so pretty when you're sleeping."

"I can see the loss of your appendix hasn't affected your ability to make everything sarcastic."

"I think it may have enhanced that skill, because I am on a roll today." Ryan smiled again before getting up and stretching.

"I'm going to get a coffee. Is there anything you want?"

"For you to sneak me out and take me home?"

The smile on Ryan's face faded as he was hit with a pang of guilt. Ever since they were young children, Kim had always hated hospitals.

"Come on Kim, you know I can't do that."

"Then no, thank you."

Suitably guilt-ridden, Ryan passed Kim the TV remote and went to get his coffee. When Ryan pushed the door back open a few minutes later, he emerged to see Kim struggling to sit up. He cringed as she winced in pain.

"Here, let me help you." He said, putting down his drink and pulling the pillow up behind her back.

"Thanks," she muttered as she set herself back down again, though Ryan could tell that she wasn't happy about needing the help. However, Ryan was saved from having to comment on her stubbornness by the return of Seth, Sandy and Kirsten.

"Hey, you're awake!" Sandy exclaimed playfully at Ryan.

"Forget that," Seth replied cheerfully, holding up a bag in his hands "I bought gifts."

Seth pulled out two of Kim's favourite books – Tolstoy's _Anna Karenina_ and _All quiet on the Western Front_ by Erich Maria Remarque- a bunch of various comic books, and Seth's old iPod.

"I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to widen your education, young one." Seth beamed, indicating to the comics and iPod. "And don't worry, Captain Oats convinced me to put some music on there that you like too."

"Well, tell Captain Oats that I said thank you." Kim replied, secretly grateful that she would have some escape from Seth's favorite band, Death Cab.

"You can tell him yourself," Seth answered, pulling the plastic horse from the bag. When he saw Ryan's questioning expression, he quietly added "he worries."

"This is great Seth, but I don't have my-"Kim was interrupted buy the abrupt way Seth held up his hand. He reached into the bag one more time, pulling out the colourful case that housed Kim's glasses.

"Seth, you're amazing."

"I know."

They talked and laughed together for a few hours, and by the time Kim had fallen back to sleep at around four in the afternoon, Ryan could feel fatigue creeping back up on him.

"Ryan, honey, why don't you go home for a while?" Kirsten cooed softly, trying not to disturb Kim,

"I'm alright," he murmured, rubbing his face.

"She'll be fine Ryan" Kirsten assured him, clearly knowing what he had been thinking by the way his eyes flickered to his sister every few minutes. "Go home with Sandy. The two of us are staying here anyway, so she won't be alone."

"And even if we were going," Seth interjected "Captain Oats is here."

"Oh, well, in that case" Ryan answered sarcastically, though not in a mean or nasty way, and he nodded. Ryan said his goodbyes to Kirsten and Seth- and at Seth's insistence, Captain Oats too- before going to find Sandy, who had gone to speak to Kim's doctor.

Ryan found Sandy filling out various forms for Kim, and the man smiled when Ryan approached.

"Hey Kiddo, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm going home with you for a little while." Ryan replied, leaning wearily against the wall.

"Good. You look exhausted." Sandy observed.

"I am," Ryan admitted "What did the doctor say?"

"Well, he said that Kim's responding to the treatment better than they thought she would, considering the mess she was in when she came, but it'll still be a few days before she can leave."

"Oh, Kim'll be happy about that." Ryan answered sarcastically.

"Can I ask you something?"  
>"Err...Sure" Ryan was a little surprised by Sandy's request, and waited uncertainly while Sandy seemed to work out the best way to ask his question.<p>

"Why does Kim hate hospitals so much?" Ryan had thought that he was the only one who had noticed his sister's serious dislike and discomfort over where she was. She had been good at hiding it, but apparently, not quite good enough.

"Well, with the amount of times we had to go when we were younger, both for ourselves and with Mom or Trey, they've never exactly been something she's come to enjoy."  
>While Ryan was aware of the fact that coming to the hospital wasn't usually something that anyone enjoyed, he hoped that he had been vague enough to keep his sister's privacy, but still answering the question. Ryan saw Sandy searching his face for a second before nodding and going back to the forms, clearly satisfied that he had been given a truthful answer, and Ryan hated that he had to be so enigmatic, but he knew that Kim would be upset with him if she found out that he had told Sandy things she had tried so hard to keep hidden. From everyone. Ryan knew that there were some things that Kim hadn't even told him. Ryan watched as Sandy scribbled his signature onto the bottom of the page and hand them back.<p>

"Come on Kid," Sandy said affectionately, putting his arm around Ryan's shoulder "Let's go and sleep."

They drove for a while in silence. The radio stayed off, and Ryan fought to keep his eyes open as they drove along. He was kind of grateful for the distraction when Sandy finally spoke.

"I wonder why Kim didn't say anything." Sandy said, seeming to simply think out loud.

"Kim's an intensely private person," Ryan answered "when things aren't going good, she rather stay quiet and try to deal with it, instead of asking for help."  
>"That seems to be a genetic thing, huh?" Sandy commented, smiling knowingly at Ryan.<p>

"What does that mean?" Ryan wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to say to a comment like that.

"Well, you're exactly the same. She had to get it from somewhere, right?"  
>"Are you saying this is my fault?" Ryan asked, his voice slightly raised at the accusation.<p>

"No. Jeez Kid, stop being so defensive. All I'm saying is we all need to start leading by example. Kim didn't tell anyone about her problems because none of us talk about our own. I'm not saying it's just you. I know Kim's almost fifteen, but that doesn't mean she doesn't learn things like that from other people."

Ryan went to argue with the point, but he knew Sandy was right. In Chino, neither of them had spoken about problems because there was no one to speak _to, _and it was a hard habit to break. Before either of them had chance to say anything else about it, they were both distracted by pulling up into the driveway. However, Ryan was feeling a little bad for speaking the way he had to Sandy, and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he had apologized.

"Look, Sandy, I'm sorry. You know, for snapping at you before."  
>Sandy smiled softly at him. "Don't even worry about it."<p>

Ryan grinned, grateful that he had been forgiven so quickly and went over to the pool house. He had a short shower, enjoying the ever-so-slightly too hot water on his skin, changed and climbed into bed, falling asleep almost immediately.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N Hey all...**_

_**I know it's been a few days, but like I said, I've had exams at college, so the writing kind of went on the back-burner for a little while :) However, I did write little bits whenever I could, and since I've three out of four of the exams, I thought I'd finish this chapter and get it up for you guys :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters that you recognise; they are all simply borrowed for a while. **_

_**So, I know this chapter's kind of a filler chapter, but I needed to fit the last part of it in somewhere, so...yeah...**_

_**I was looking at the traffic stats thing earlier, and my mind was literally blown by the amount of people who have read this story so far, and while that doesn't mean that they actually **_**liked**_** it,**__**I'm still amazed, so thank you all so much!**_

_**Enjoy and please R+R and let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

Ryan woke up to the sound of almost continuous rapping on the pool house door. He squinted at the blind covered door, wandering who would be knocking so early in the morning. The he realised that it was _morning_ and he had been sleeping since around five thirty the previous afternoon. He jumped out of his bed and crossed to the door, pulling it open, surprised when Summer stalked past him.

"Is Cohen here?" she asked, the sound of her heeled shoes clipping on the Lino floor.

"Good morning Summer, and no, he's at the hospital."

"The hospital? Why?"

"You haven't spoken to Marissa?" Ryan asked as he pulled clothes out and started to throw them on.

"Not for a few days, why?" she repeated, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Kim's appendix burst. She's been there for a few days."

"Jeez! Why does no one tell me these things?" Summer exclaimed "Come on, hurry up and get dressed, you can give me a ride."  
>"Err...Ok." Ryan said, unsure of how exactly he was supposed to respond to Summer's demands, as he grabbed a pair of jeans and went to the bathroom to put them on. He dressed quickly, stepped into socks and shoes, and let Summer rush him out of the pool house.<p>

"Oh Ryan, are you ready to- oh hi Summer, how are you?" Sandy said as they entered the kitchen, as surprised as Ryan had been at seeing Summer.

"Hey Mr Cohen. I'm good thanks. Come on Ryan, hurry up." Ryan and Sandy watched as Summer wandered out towards the front door. Sandy threw Ryan a questioning looks, to which Ryan replied with a shrug. They followed the girl to the car and drove along, listening to Summer ramble on about an episode of 'The Valley', where one of the characters had had their tonsils removed and couldn't talk. Both Ryan and Sandy were more than relieved when they pulled up the hospital, if only for an excuse not to listen to Summer for a while. On their way through the corridors, Ryan listened, amused, as Sandy tried to explain to Summer that your appendix doesn't actually do anything, except make you sick if it gets infected.

When Ryan got to the door, he knocked and walked in, seeing Kim perched on the edge of the bed, her bare toes dangling.

"Oh, you," she said, pointing to Ryan as they entered "come here and give me a hand."

"Kimberly, what are you doing?" Ryan asked, going over to her nonetheless.

"Do not 'Kimberly' me, Ryan Atwood." She chastised as she reached out and grabbed his hands. "I want to get out of bed."

"Well, should you?" Ryan asked sceptically, aware of his sister's stubbornness, and her determination to do exactly what she had been told not to.

"Totally. The doctor even told me to walk around a little bit this morning." Ryan knew that if she wasn't so determined to leave the hospital, Kim wouldn't be so enthusiastic, because he knew she was in pain. He tried not to notice, but as Kim shifted herself forward, gripping his hands like vices and huffing out short, laboured breaths, it was a little hard not to.

"The floor's cold." She gasped when her feet touched the ground.

"Then it's a good job I remembered these." Sandy said cheerfully, holding up a bag containing slippers and a robe.

"Sandy!" She exclaimed gratefully "You're a lifesaver!"

Kim took the bag from Sandy, pulled the robe over her slim, bare shoulders, and bent a little to push on the slippers. However, she winced in pain and stood again.

"This could be problematic," she muttered, thinking to herself. Ryan simply took them from her hands and knelt down in front of her.

"Lift your foot up." He told her, waiting to put the slipper on her foot.

"Ryan, that's really embarrassing." She whined quietly, her eyes flicking to Sandy and Summer standing in the doorway.

"The floor's not cold to me: I don't care." Ryan shrugged casually, and Kim sighed, defeated by her extreme aversion to having nothing on her feet.

"If you touch the bottom of my feet, I will kick you in the face." Kim promised firmly.

"I know you will." Ryan assured her with a grin, knowing that it was true, and that she wouldn't regret it later either. Kim begrudgingly held out her slender foot and let Ryan gently tease a slipper onto it, before repeating with the other.

"Thank you," She murmured, playfully patting her brother's head.

"So," Sandy said to Kim "What's the plan?"

"Well, Seth and Kirsten went down to the cafeteria, so I figured we could go down there and surprise them." Kim suggested.

"That's pretty far," Ryan replied sceptically "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Ryan," Kim started, giving him a look that said 'don't argue with me' "Hush." She was bored and restless, and had been sitting in bed for almost two days straight. The thought of a nice long walk was more than welcomed.

It was only then that Kim really noticed Summer in the doorway, and the two greeted each other warmly as they left the room and started slowly down the corridor. Ryan sighed, frustrated at his sister's bullheadedness, and Sandy laughed at how much older Ryan seemed to act when Kim was involved. They followed the girls down the corridors as they chatted about things that neither Sandy nor Ryan even attempted to understand. They were both amazed that even though Summer and Kim had seen each other only a few days before, they still had so much to talk about.

Needless to say, Seth was more than happy to see Summer when they entered the cafeteria, and he was surprised to see Kim too, though only one of the two girls was greeted by a kiss. Kirsten and Sandy quickly set about pulling up extra chairs, and while they were all fairly certain that Kim shouldn't be so far away from her room, no one wanted to tell the girl that she couldn't stay.

They all sat together for a while, and the cafeteria soon started to clear. It wasn't long until they were amongst the only people left. Ryan sat comfortably, his arm draped casually around Kim's shoulders. He had noticed that she had gone quiet in the last few minutes, and he turned to subtly examine her face. Her eyelids were a little droopy, and Ryan could see the faintest signs of bags under her eyes.

"Hey," he said quietly in her ear, so that no one else could hear. "You look tired. Maybe we should go back now?"

"I'm fine Ry, seriously, I don't want to go back yet. Just five more minutes" Kim pleaded in a low voice. Ryan knew that she didn't want to go back to her room, because that would remind her that she was in a hospital. The cafeteria looked like it could be anywhere; school, the mall, or somewhere along those lines.

"Alright," Ryan finally, though not happily, agreed "but then you have to go back Kimmy."

However, Sandy had heard their conversation, and he could see just as clearly as Ryan that Kim was exhausted. He knew that Ryan wouldn't be able to say no to Kim when she asked again for longer away from her bed, so he decided to take control of it himself.

"Right, young lady, let's get you back upstairs, before we get yelled at." He announced, trying to sound as if it had been coincidental for him to suggest going back right after Ryan had. While Kim groaned and complained, Ryan saw Kirsten whisper something to Seth, who then momentarily disappeared, returning with a wheelchair.

"Oh no," Kim shook her head defiantly "That's not happening. It's _embarrassing_."

"Well," Ryan sighed "if you don't sit in the chair, I'm going to carry you, and trust me, that would be worse."

Reluctantly admitting defeat, Kim lowered herself into the chair, and folded her arms moodily across her chest as Ryan pushed her along.

"I feel like an old woman." She complained, to no one in particular.

"You look like one in those slippers and the robe." Seth teased, his arm wrapped around Summer's waist as they walked.

"Thanks," Kim answered sarcastically, less than impressed, giving Seth an angry glare.

When they arrived just outside of Kim's room, Ryan stopped the chair helped his sister to stand, just as her doctor rounded the corner, coming towards them.

"Ah, Kimberly, I'm glad to have caught you," he said cheerfully "I need to talk to you."

"Err, ok." Kim replied uncertainly, glancing at Ryan questioningly.

"Come on you two," Sandy said to Summer and Seth "Let's go and wait in the car."

The three of them left, and Kirsten, Ryan and Kim followed Doctor Wilson into her room. Doctor Wilson waited patiently for Kim to get herself comfortable before speaking to her.

"We have a little bit of a problem." He told them simply.

"What kind of a problem?" Ryan asked, wandering what exactly was going on.

"Well, the agitation levels in Kimberly's system is stopping her medication from working as well as it should, so her recovery is taking longer than we anticipated." He explained, turning and addressing Kim directly "I'm afraid you're going to be here for a few more days than we expected."

"W...what?" Kim stuttered, astounded "But you told me this morning that I might be able to go home _tomorrow_."

"I'm sorry," The doctor concluded, giving a small, semi-apologetic smile before leaving the room. Kim slumped back on her pillows, staring blankly ahead, and Ryan tried to work out exactly what she was thinking.

"This isn't a big problem," Kirsten assured them "I'm just going to get Sandy, and we'll try and figure this out." After the door swung shut behind Kirsten, Ryan and Kim were left alone together, and that was when he saw his sister's eyes fill with tears that immediately began to spill over her cheeks, taking him a little by surprise.

"Hey, hey shhhhh," he cooed softly, taking her face in his hands and making her look at him "Everything's going to be fine."

"No it's not Ryan," Kim sobbed "I can't stay here anymore. I hate it Ryan, I hate it."

Until that moment, Ryan had never known just how much his sister really detested hospitals, and he realised that her surprisingly unfazed appearance had all been a facade. The only thing that had kept her pretending that everything was ok had been the knowledge that she could go home soon, but that had been cruelly snatched away, and Kim didn't know what to do anymore.

She continued to cry, though she really did try not to, and leaned her head on her brother's chest while he ran his fingers through hair and held her tightly, whispering words that he hoped were comforting, knowing that one way or another, he had to take his sister home.

And soon.

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><p><em><strong>P.S I'm not really sure if 'agitation levels' would actually make Kim's recovery slower, but in my mind, that kind of makes sense, so I apologize for any medical mistakes I may have made haha it was only really because I wanted their to be a reason for Kim to stay in the hospital for longer than she would have liked. At first I thought about her having an allergic reaction to her medication, but I thought that might be a little<strong>_** too _dramatic after she nearly died in the first place :)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Howdy guys :)**

**Ok, so, most of this chapter is just filler, it's only really the last bit that's important. Saying that, please dont just read the last bit haha! I've spent all day on this lol **

**Me and my sister finished Season 2 today and it was uber intense haha! **

**I don't know if anyone has noticed, or is even interested, but I re-wrote the first chapter, so it's now in the third person like the rest of the story, and there's a little more of an introduction now rather than just jumping striaght in haha **

**I own none of the character but Kim, the rest are simply borrowed :)**

**Alright, I'm going to shut up now and just let you all read it haha Please R+R! I'd love to know what people are thinking about this story.**

**thanks again,**

**xoloveJBox**

* * *

><p>Sandy and Kirsten were waiting outside of Kim's door when Ryan emerged, a little over an hour later. Ryan sighed dejectedly as he gently closed the door behind him, and Sandy and Kirsten looked at him expectantly.<p>

"How is she?" Sandy asked quietly, not wanting Kim to overhear them talking about her.

"Well, she's stopped crying, so that's something." Ryan replied, rubbing his eyes, tiredness beginning to creep through his defences. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to make this better for her."

"I'm not sure there's anything we _can _do," Kirsten told him "I mean, she has to stay until her meds start to work right."  
>"But they're not going to while she's here. I knew she hated hospitals, but I had no idea it was this bad for her. We have to do <em>something<em>." Ryan concluded, though he did agree with Kirsten; there really wasn't much that could be done. Kim couldn't go home until she calmed down enough to make her medication work, but she wouldn't be calm enough until she was home. It was a vicious cycle, and there was no perfect way to break it.

"Just wait here," Sandy told them suddenly, breaking away and disappearing down the corridor. Kirsten and Ryan shot each other confused looks, not knowing what was going on. Even when Seth returned twenty minutes later, Sandy hadn't come back.

"Hey," Seth greeted "What's going on?"

"Kim's meds aren't working." Ryan replied simply, slowly pacing up and down a small area of the corridor "She can't go home for another few days."

"Man," Seth groaned "That sucks." During the night that Seth and Kirsten had stayed with Kim, she had told him just how much she hated hospitals, though not many reasons why, but she had asked him not to tell her brother. Seth was going to ask if she was alright, but he knew the answer, so he didn't bother.

"I thought you were going home?" Kirsten said questioningly.

"I was going to, but I thought I'd just take Summer home and come back."Seth told her casually "Where's dad anyway?"

"We don't know." Ryan answered honestly with a weak smile. The three sat for a while in near silence. Seth went to say hello to Kim, but he re-emerged almost immediately, telling the other two that he was sleeping. They were all consumed by their own thoughts, grateful for the distraction when Sandy finally rounded the corner again.

"Where have you been?" Kirsten asked, glancing at her watch and noticing that it had been almost thirty-five minutes since her husband had disappeared.

"Is Kim awake?" Sandy asked, ignoring her question, with a huge, pleased grin on his face.

"No. Why, what's going on?"

"I talked to Doctor Wilson. He said that Kim can go home tomorrow."  
>It took a minute for what he was saying to sink in, and it created a strange mixture of relief, happiness and confusion in Seth, Ryan and Kirsten's minds.<p>

"What?" Kirsten exclaimed "He was adamant that she had to stay less than an hour ago. How did you convince him?"

"Well," Sandy shrugged, beaming mischievously "I can be very persuasive."

With the realisation that the cause of all of his immediate problems was solved, Ryan didn't even attempt to stop the laugh that erupted from his throat. Seth held up his hand for a high-five, which Ryan happily reciprocated.

"So," Sandy announced "We all need to go home and make sure the house is actually liveable."

"Wait," Ryan said as they started to walk down the corridor "I've got to tell Kim, but I don't want to wake her. Maybe I should just wait here until she wakes up."

"Oh" Kirsten suddenly muttered, digging around in her purse and pulling out a pen and a scrap piece of paper from her diary, handing them to Ryan. He smiled gratefully and took them.

"We'll wait in the car," Sandy told him, and Ryan nodded in acknowledgement. He quietly slipped into Kim's room, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest as she slept, listening to her light snores and seeing the pinkness in her cheeks from crying. He tried to work out what to actually write to her, and after a minute or two of not thinking of anything better to put, he simply scribbled 'Tomorrow' on the paper, folded it, and left it on the bedside table. Ryan wrote her name on the front and stood it again the vase of bright yellow flowers so that she would see it when she woke up. Before leaving the room, Ryan gently pushed a stray piece of hair from Kim's face and gently kissed her forehead, happier knowing that his sister would be more than pleased to be going home the next day.

When Ryan, Seth, Kirsten, and Doctor Wilson knocked on Kim's door the next day, it was a little after nine in the morning. Sandy had stayed at home, to catch up on work. However, despite the earliness of their arrival, they were surprised to see Kim sat on the edge of the bed, fully dressed in the jeans and t-shirt that Sandy had bought with the robe and slippers, the laces of her sneakers dangling aimlessly, and her books and other things in the back-pack that lay ready next to her. She beamed at them when they entered, and Ryan noticed that she looked better than she had since she had arrived.

"Finally!" She exclaimed "I've been sitting here since seven-thirty."

When Ryan crossed the room to her, Kim grabbed his hand and pulled herself from the bed, slinging the bag over her shoulder, walking towards the door.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Kim announced, still gripping her brother's hand. Ryan knew that even though she looked happy on the exterior, she wouldn't be completely satisfied until she was out of the hospital.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up young lady." Doctor Wilson interrupted as Kim made her way past him, halting her in her tracks. "You didn't think it was going to be as simple as that, did you?"

"Uhhh, yeah, I kind of did." Kim admitted, and her shoulders physically slumped when the Doctors' only response was light, hearty laugh.

Over the next hour and a half, Doctor Wilson showed Kirsten how to correctly change the bandages around Kim's stomach, since Kirsten was the only other person that Kim would have let her get close enough to bare skin to do it. While they did it, Ryan and Seth had been made to leave the room. Ryan knew why Kim didn't trust many people around her body. She had been caused too much damage at the hands of other people, particularly males, and it was hard for her let anyone near her. He also knew that it would be hard for her to even let Kirsten help her to change the bandages, and that if it had been up to Kim, no one would be helping her. Although, Ryan was a little bit hurt that Kim even felt that way around him. He had never so much as told her he was going to hit her- not in serious way- yes, they had playfully hit each other, but never enough to hurt. However, Ryan more than understood, and he would rather Kirsten helped Kim than no one at all.

Afterwards, Doctor Wilson explained to them the correct times and dosages for her anti-biotics and pain-killers.

"Alright," The doctor concluded "you can fill out the prescriptions for these whenever you need them, and in about a week's time, Kimberly needs to come back for a check-up, but other than that, I think we're done." Kim went back to beaming gleefully at thought of going home, and she even allowed Ryan to help her stand up without complaining.

"A little tip:" Doctor Wilson said, noticing their process "when you get home, if you hold a pillow against your stomach, when you stand up or sit down, it'll add a little more support, and you probably won't need any help."

They thanked the Doctor and happily made their way through the hospital, towards the main entrance. Kirsten and Seth walked a little ahead, forgetting themselves slightly as Kim couldn't walk at her usual faster pace. Ryan, however, held onto her elbow instinctively, taking the back-pack from her and slipping it over his own shoulder.

"Can I tell you something?" Kim murmured to her brother as they walked along.

"Sure." Ryan replied, intrigued.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"That depends on what you want to tell me."

"Before I saw your note this morning, I was going to run away." Kim admitted, and she expected Ryan to be angry at her.

"Well," Ryan answered slowly "That would have been stupid, and I would have killed you, but you didn't, so I'm not mad." Kim felt better after her confession, and she clambered into the back of the car, eagerly anticipating getting back to her own bed, a real shower, and being anywhere that _wasn't _a hospital.

The four of them chatted casually on the way back to Cohen house, and if Kim hadn't loved the place before, she most certainly did as they pulled up into the driveway. They bundled out of the car, towards the steps of the house.

However, the smiles soon faded from their faces when they saw the look on Sandy's when he came out of the house.

"What's wrong honey?" Kirsten asked worriedly.

"Uhhh, nothing." He replied, looking at Ryan and Kimberly "Look, I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn't. I'm sorry."

Not at all sure what he was talking about, Ryan and Kim shot each other questioning expressions and letting themselves into the house. For a second, they didn't see anyone there, and they wondered what was going on.

But then they saw her. Her hair was a little longer than the last time they had seen her, but other than that, she still looked the same as she always had.

"Mom." Ryan breathed.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N hey there!**_

_**Ahh! My exams have finally finished until the summer, and I dont think I've ever been happier haha! Now, I've got more time to give this story the time it deserves and make it (hopefully) a better story than it is at the moment.**_

_**This is an uber long chapter, but that's mostly because it has a flashback at the end, because I was aware of the fact that there wasnt much of an intro to Kim as a character, or an explanation for how she ended up in Newport with her brother, so ideally, this might answer some of that, and I do plan for at least two more flashbacks in later chapters so add more of that so... yeah...**_

_**Ok, so, none of the characters that you know and love are mine, they are simply borrowed for a while!**_

_**Please, please please PLEASE R+R because I'd love to hear what people are thinking so far, and what I'm doing right/wrong for people. If anyone's got any suggestions/ideas/ HELPFUL criticisms or anything else they'd like me to know, I'm always open for tips and I'll try and respond to all of them! But in any case, I'll always listen and try and take on board what's being said, because I dont want to waste anyone's time, especially the amazing people who have been reading this from the start. I've been looking at the traffic stat things for this story and my mind. was. blown. Like, literally! **_

_**Alright, I'm going to stop babbling now haha**_

_**Thank you all so so much!**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>The air in the Cohen household that afternoon was nothing but awkward, and no one was comfortable. Kim had sat with her brother and mother out of politeness, though she could think of nowhere she wanted to be any less. She would even have preferred to still be in the hospital. She felt nervous around Dawn, and every time she opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out. She wanted to yell and scream, and demand to know why her mother had suddenly crawled out of the woodwork again, but she couldn't work up the courage. She simply sat, mostly in a daze, counting every second that passed painfully, willing them to be over so that she could just go to bed and pretend none of it had happened. She could even accept waking up back in the hospital if that's what it took.<p>

"Kim? Are you listening?" Ryan asked, breaking through her thoughts and bringing her back to reality.

"Yeah, sure." She breathed "What did you say?"

"Mom asked you if you were feeling better."

"Yes, t...thanks." Kim stammered, cringing at how pathetic she sounded.

"That's good baby," Dawn beamed, clearly oblivious to her youngest child's discomfort. "You know, when the hospital called me the other day, I was real worried about you. I would have been here sooner, but I had to wait to be paid for the bus money."

Kim smiled weakly, in a feeble attempt to acknowledge her mother's efforts, but in all honesty, she wished her mother hadn't bothered. Kim had finally gotten used to the fact that her mother wasn't going to be around, and she had happily accepted that, working on building her new life in Newport with the Cohens; a life that looked considerably better than the one she had left in Chino.

Kim was relieved when her mother finally stood to leave, allowing herself a slight breath of relief, but quickly took it back when Sandy and Kirsten asked Dawn to stay for dinner. The six of them sat down at the table, and to Kim's disappointment, she ended up sitting opposite her mother. However, a redeeming fact was that she was between Seth and Ryan. As she silently wrung her hands under the table, Kim felt Ryan take one of them and squeeze it comfortingly. He knew better than anyone else at the table what she was feeling, and it made her feel a little better to know that he understood.

But only a little.

In fact, it was only when Seth did the same thing a minute or two later that Kim began to relax a small amount. It wasn't because she valued Seth's presence any more than Ryan's, but Ryan had always experienced the same thing, so he had always been on her side, but if Seth could understand how she felt without ever having felt the same, it meant that she wasn't just over-exaggerating, that she had a real reason to react the way she was to her mother being there.

As Rosa finished serving them their meal, the group fell into an awkward silence, and determined not to let it last, Sandy decided to at least attempt normal conversation.

"So Kim, how are your guitar lessons going?" he asked casually, though he only started with Kim because she looked like she wanted a distraction more than anyone else.

Slightly caught off-guard by the question, it took Kim a minute to stutter out an answer "Good. They're going really good, actually. Jim said I may only have one or two lessons left before there's nothing else he can teach me."

"That's great," Sandy beamed encouragingly "We'll have to sort out getting you your own guitar, instead of that one you borrow from the school."

"Yeah, don't forget, your birthday's coming up." Ryan added, seeing the effort Sandy was making.

"I didn't know you played the guitar." Dawn interjected, trying to keep herself involved in the conversation.

"Yeah, for a few months now." Kim mumbled quietly.

"Well, maybe you can play for me before I leave?"

"Sure," Kim agreed gingerly. At the thought of sitting down in front of her mother and playing the guitar for her, something she had never done for anyone else, Kim reached out for her glass of water, to relieve the itchiness that had suddenly occurred in her throat. However, the trembling of her nervous fingers sent the glass toppling and water dribbling into her lap.

"Jeez, I'm sorry." She exclaimed apologetically as Kirsten quickly got up to grab a cloth from the kitchen. The water was soon cleaned up, with Kirsten and Sandy reassuring Kim that there was no harm done, but it didn't stop Kim's face from violently flaring scarlet, or the efforts she made to hide behind a veil of her own hair. Her mind was flooded with self conscious thoughts, and she just wanted to go to bed. Ryan covertly rubbed her back comfortingly as Kim wished that the ground would swallow her up and make her disappear.

"Kimberly, sweetie, why don't you go and change?" Kirsten suggested kindly, and Kim was more than grateful for the opportunity to go away and compose herself.

She nodded slowly and lifted herself away from the table, excusing herself quietly and padding out to the pool house. She knew that from the dining table, she could more than likely be seen from inside the house, so Kim went into the pool house's bathroom and closed the door behind her. She took a few deep, calming breaths, and splashed her face with ice cold water from the tap, hoping to alleviate the agitated redness of her cheeks. Kim looked at her own reflected image, telling herself to stop being so pathetic, to grow up a little bit and stop being so paranoid. But in the back of her mind, deep, niggling thoughts began to creep up on her. What if her mother had come to take her and Ryan away again? What if she managed to keep up the facade of the renewed person, and convince the Cohens that she was a fit mother? Kim wasn't sure she could face the thought of being taken back to Chino. Not when she had experience a so much better life in Newport.

No, she thought, that's not going to happen. Kim knew that the Cohen's loved her and Ryan too much to let them go now. She knew that no matter how much their real mother appeared to have changed, there was no way they were leaving easily; even it was just Seth that fought for them. With slightly more comforted thoughts in her head, Kim opened the bathroom door, only to be surprised by her brother standing there.

"Jeez, you scared me," she told him, smiling weakly.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked, ignoring her comment.

"I will be: when she's gone." Kim replied as she began rooting through her clothes for a clean pair of jeans.

"Why did she come Ryan?" Kim asked, suddenly stopping in her search and turning questioningly to her brother, hoping that he had an answer for her.

"The hospital called her." He answered simply, not exactly certain of a better response he could give. He wasn't even sure himself.

"I don't get it Ry: she never cared before." Ryan simply stared blankly at his little sister. How was he supposed to discourage her negative thoughts and opinions, when he knew they were true?

"Are you cold?" He finally asked, seeing her absently rubbing her forearms.

When Kim shook her head, Ryan raised his sceptically at her. "Don't lie to me Kimberly Atwood." He warned.

"A little." She begrudgingly admitted. It had been a long time since Kim had felt cold for no reason, and Ryan sighed, annoyed at the situation the two of them had once again been dropped into.

"I'm going to relieve the Cohens of mom duty, ok? Just come back over when you're ready." He told her, and she nodded. Once alone in the pool house, Kim tried to ignore the thoughts she still had, but she couldn't shake the memory of when their mother had thrown the two of them out of the house, starting the whole chain of events in the first place.

_Kim sat, cross-legged, on her bed, listening to her brother and mother arguing._

_Again._

"_I can't do this anymore Ryan." She heard her mother yell, followed by the clink of glasses as she poured herself another drink. "I can't!" _

"_I'm sorry mom" Ryan repeated, for about the hundredth time since they had returned from the juvenile detention centre. Her two older brothers had spent the night locked up, after deciding that it would be a good idea to steal- and crash- a car together. Trey was older than Ryan, and had previous offences, so he hadn't been able to get away again, but their mother had let Ryan stew in a jail cell for the night before storming out to pick him up the next morning. Ever since they had come home, they had done nothing but argue with each other. Kim had been in the living room with them for a while, before Ryan had asked her to go to her room. She had, knowing that Ryan wouldn't have sent her away unless he thought there was a reason to. At first, she had pulled out the battered old personal cd player that he brothers had pooled together to buy for her a few Christmases before, but after a while, she could barely hear the music over her mother's shouting._

"_I want you out of here!" Her mother screamed, but Kim wasn't totally surprised. Despite being only fourteen, Kim had known for a while that their mother was on the verge of kicking her brothers out of the house. It had only been a matter of time._

"_But Mom, I-"_

"_And take your sister with you." Dawn Atwood hollered. Kim froze on her bed, unknowingly holding her breath, waiting to see what happened next. _

"_But Mom, Kim hasn't done anything wrong!" Ryan yelled back, and Kim could hear him catching the stray laundry that was clearly being thrown at him._

"_She spends so much time with her brothers, it won't be long until she's just like you!"_

_That was all Kim needed to move into action. She jumped from her bed and pulled out the hidden duffel bag from underneath. When she had first suspected that Ryan would be thrown out of the house, she had begun to hide away clothes that she could sneak from the laundry basket. She had also used some of the very little money she had managed to save to buy shampoo, deodorant, soap and spare toothbrushes for the two of them. Even before her mother had apparently decided that crime was a genetic trait, Kim had made her mind up that she wouldn't stay without Ryan. He was the only one who kept her sane._

"_Hey, it's not your house _man._" She heard Ryan spit sarcastically, and when she heard the discussion getting slightly more physical with AJ, their mother's boyfriend, Kim had to take a deep breath to keep herself together. It took her only a few minutes to throw all the things she had been squirreling away into the bag, and she was just zipping it up when Ryan appeared in the doorway._

"_Kimmy, get ready to go." He murmured quietly, AJ standing menacingly behind him. _

"_Ready." She answered quickly, holding up the bag, surprising them both._

"_Just...just wait here," Ryan said "I'll only be a few minutes."_

_Kim sat on the very edge of her bed, so that she could just about see into her brother's room. She watched as he stuffed shirts and pants into his bag, followed by socks and boxer shorts. Ryan turned, and with AJ standing so close behind him, they almost bumped into each other, and they both glared at each other menacingly. Ryan saw Kim watching and beaconed her to follow him. They made their way through the house, and Kim saw Ryan throw one more pleading glance to their mother before sighing and opening the door for Kim. They attached the bags to their bikes and pushed off, riding down the street. For at least fifteen minutes, they went in silence, until Ryan led Kim onto a parking lot with a few pay phones along the edge. Ryan stopped near the wall and Kim followed him there._

"_What are we going to do Ry?" Kim asked quietly, realising that she sounded like a child. _

"_I don't know Kimmy, I-" Ryan sighed and wiped his face with his hands. "Just wait here ok, I'll figure something out." _

_Kim nodded and perched herself on the wall, squinting in the late afternoon sun. She watched as Ryan inserted coin after coin into the phone, but she couldn't hear much of his conversations, except for the occasional 'well where else are we supposed to go?', 'alright, don't worry about it' and 'thanks for nothing buddy!'. After around five or six unsuccessful conversations, Ryan went back to Kim to see what change she had. She gave him the contents of her pocket and he wandered back to the phone. She saw him dial a number and talk for a minute before slamming down the phone and repeatedly punching the side of the box. Kim sighed dejectedly, knowing there was nothing she could do to make the situation any better for him. However, Kim saw light bulbs flicking on in his head and he pulled something out of his pocket before dialling another number. When he hung up the phone, Ryan looked kind of happier, and he sat on the wall next to his sister._

"_Are we good?" she asked and he nodded._

"_We've got to wait here to be picked up."_

_Ryan swung his leg over the wall and shuffled backwards so that Kim could rest her head on his shoulder. They had sat that way together for years, whenever one of them needed the other. _

_They didn't have to wait long before a shiny dark car pulled just at the side of them. _

_The dark-haired, middle-aged man on the inside looked at them and called._

"_I told you; you could have done worse."_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N Hey there :)**_

_**Ok, so this is basically just a short, filler chapter, but at the same time, I think it's kind of an important one. It's pretty much completely from the view of Dawn Atwood, because in what I've seen of the programme so far, there isnt really a lot about her as a person. In my opinion, she isnt a bad person, she just made some stupid mistakes, and she unfortunately, wasnt the only one who suffered as a result. The whole thing should start to pick up in the next few chapters though :)**_

_**please please PLEASE R+R! I love reading reviews, and even though I've only gotten a few so far, they act as motivation for me to continue! So yeah, please do it lol**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>After calming herself down and changing her jeans, Kim had gone back over the house, helped Sandy with the dishes, and went into the living room with Kirsten, Seth, Ryan and Dawn.<p>

With all things considered, they had had a nice evening. Seth and Ryan had spent the time trying to teach their mothers how to play one of Seth's games on the playstation, and while neither of them had been very good, it had been amusing to watch. Kim had curled up on the sofa, not intending to play, but ended up getting roped in anyway. She had lost miserably to Seth, had a slightly closer loss to Ryan, and two dissatisfying easy wins against Kirsten and her mother. When Sandy had finally been convinced to join in, Seth had declared a playstation war between the Cohens and the Atwoods. They had played for a while, and it was close to ten pm when Kim began to yawn. Dawn had seen her, and decided to call it a night. Despite Sandy and Kirsten's offers of a free place to stay, Dawn was under no illusion that her daughter's strange behaviour was to do with anything other than her presence. Dawn couldn't say that she blamed Kim; after all, Dawn knew she had abandoned her children not once, but twice in one weekend, without any attempt at a real goodbye. Dawn just wished that Kim would acknowledge that she had changed. She hadn't touched a drop of alcohol for weeks, and she had managed to hold a job for longer than a month. The cigarettes remained, but surely she was entitled to _something_ for herself, even if it wasn't particularly healthy for her? She was saving money now, rather than wasting it, and for the first time since she had married Frank Atwood, Dawn felt like something was going right. The only way Dawn could imagine things getting any better for her would be for her children to go with her when she left Newport.

But she knew they wouldn't, and she couldn't ask them to. Dawn couldn't stand the thought that someone else was taking care of Ryan and Kim better than she could herself, but she knew that the two of them had everything they could ever need or want with the Cohens. Dawn knew that Ryan hadn't gotten into trouble for months, and Kim was playing the guitar-something she had wanted to do for years, but Dawn couldn't have provided her with.

So no, Dawn wouldn't push for her children to return to her, though there was nothing she wanted more. She would spend another day or two in Newport before going back to her basic, solitary life; she would make an effort to call more often, and she would even try to find the two of them something special for their birthdays. She wanted Kim to not dread every second Dawn was around, and she wanted Ryan to stop having to try and keep everything together. She just wanted them to have normal childhoods, even if she wasn't the one to give it to them. Hell, she might even try to work things out with Trey, so that when he got out of jail, they might make an attempt to at least resemble something close to a family again.

With all these new thoughts, resolutions, ideas and plans swirling around in her head, Dawn kissed her children's cheeks goodbye, thanked the Cohens for a good night, and promised to return the next day before making the short walk back to the dingy little motel she had booked herself into, determined to make things work this time.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N Hey there :)**_

_**Ok, so this is a really long chapter, but its also an important one (I know I say that about pretty much every chapter, but you know...haha)**_

_**It would have been finished yesterday, but my ipod decided to delete almost all of my notes (Which I had done pretty much all of my writing for another story on) and I spent the day trying to recover them, but I had no luck so I'm still kind of annoyed about that, but hey ho I guess.**_

_**None of the characters you know and love are mine, they are simply borrowed for a while :)**_

_**I'm not entirely sure Marissa could actually be as selfish as she is in this chapter, but I had to write it that way for Ryan and Kim to have the conversation that followed. Actually, she probably could be that selfish...I never really liked Marissa haha. **_

_**Ok, I'm going to go away and let you all just read it haha, but please please R+R because I love reading reviews and they act as motivation for me to write! Of course, if you have something to say that might not be as nice as they amazing reviews I've had so far, just drop me a message, because I'm always open to suggestion/ideas/ constructive criticism and whatnot so please let me know what you all think!**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>When Seth pulled open the front door at around eleven the next morning, he had expected it to be Dawn Atwood. However it wasn't Dawn that greeted him, it was Summer and Marissa.<p>

"Err...hi." he greeted, not having expected them to be there.

"Hey." Marissa replied "We heard Kim was home, and we wanted to see if she was ok."

"Sure, but I, err, I said was I was going to call you," he said to Summer, to which she simply shrugged.

"I didn't trust you to relay the right information, alright? Now, are you going to let us in or what?"

Seth quickly moved out of the doorway, allowing the two girls past him before slinking off up the stairs. He had not long dragged himself from bed, and he was still in his pyjamas, his hair sticking up all over the place, and he hadn't cleaned his face or brushed his teeth. Kim, who had been sitting in the living room reading a book, greeted Summer and Marissa warmly, and the three girls chatted for a while before Marissa started looking around absent-mindedly.

"Is Ryan around?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah, he's in the pool house. He should be up by now." Kim replied "Do you want me to go and see if he's awake?"

"Err, no. No, I'll go over and if he's still sleeping I'll come back here."

Summer and Kim watched Marissa glide through the kitchen and out the back door towards the pool house. They looked at each other and shrugged, quickly going back to what they had been talking about, coming to a silent agreement that the two of them should be left alone.

Marissa knocked gently on one of the pool house's glass doors. Ryan looked up and smiled, surprised to see her there. He beaconed her in as he finished tying his shoe laces.

"Hey." He greeted as he stood, trying to hide the fact that he couldn't work out why she was there.

"Hi." She replied quietly as she closed the door behind herself. There was a short, awkward silence between the two of them that had never been there before, before Marissa indicated towards the house.

"Summer and I came to see Kim," she explained "I figured I'd come over here and see you while I was here."

"Sure." Ryan replied, attempting to busy himself by tidying away some of the books on his nightstand.

"Kim seems a lot better." Marissa observed.

"Yeah, she's good. She has to go back to the hospital next week for a check up, but she'll be fine."

"That's great. What about you? Are you ok?" Marissa asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"It's been a stressful couple of days," Ryan sighed, not actually answering the question.

"Well," Marissa said, beaming "You don't have to worry about it, because we are going out tonight."  
>"What?"<p>

"Yeah, the four of us: you, me, Summer and Seth. It'll be fun."

"I don't think so." Ryan replied uncertainly, shaking his head.

"Oh come on Ryan," Marissa whined "One night isn't going to hurt, right?"

"I have to stay and take care of Kim." He told her simply, but even to his own ears, it sounded like an excuse. A _bad _excuse.

"Kim's almost fifteen Ryan. I'm sure she can take care of herself for a few hours."

"Four days ago, she almost died Marissa, and I wasn't here to do anything about it. I'm not taking that chance again."

"It wouldn't have made any difference whether you were here or not Ryan. What happened still would have happened. If you're going to look at it like that, you'll never leave the house again!" Marissa exclaimed, feeling annoyed. She was _trying_ to make things right again. Why was he being so difficult? "And anyway, Sandy and Kirsten will be here; Kim'll be fine."

"Kim's not their responsibility. She's mine." Ryan answered defiantly, wishing she would just drop it.

"She kind of became their responsibility when they _adopted _the two of you Ryan. You don't have to take care of everyone anymore."

"That's easy for you to say Marissa; you've never had to take care of anything before." He snapped, more harshly than he had meant.

"That's not true."

"Oh yeah? Tell me, when was the last time you had to think about anyone but you're self?"  
>"Why are you being like this Ryan?" She whispered, caught off guard by the sharp stinging of his words as he flung them at her.<p>

"Because I know why you're here Marissa, and the last time you wanted to talk about Oliver, my sister almost died, so excuse me for not wanting a repeat performance."  
>Marissa laughed. Now she understood what was going on.<p>

"She does this every time." She murmured quietly, but Ryan still heard it.

"Who does?" he asked, bewildered.

"Kimberly! She does this every time!" Marissa repeated, shouting across the room at him.

"What are you talking about? Kim has nothing to do with this!" Ryan yelled back, angry that Marissa had bought Kim into an argument that had nothing to do with his sister.

"Of course she does! Every time I try and talk to you these days, or every time we start to get close, _she _does something that stops it again, and I'm sick of it Ryan!"

"Her appendix burst Marissa; she didn't choose for that to happen." Ryan replied, feeling the anger and adrenaline rushing though his body.

"I'm not just talking about that, but something just happens to come up whenever something starts to happen between the two of us. I swear to god she does it on purpose!" Marissa spat as she thought about all the times Ryan had left her to do something for his sister.

"Let's just get one thing straight," Ryan said very quietly, the calm tone he now used contrasting so strongly with the raised voice he had used just seconds before, it felt like a knife. "Kimberly is the most important thing to me in the world. She always has been, and always will be, ok Marissa? Only her!"

"Well I hope you and your sister are very happy together, because at the rate she's going, Kim'll be the only person you have left." Marissa murmured before leaving, slamming the door, leaving Ryan wandering what the hell had just happened.

A few hours later, Kim sat herself on the bed next to her brother. She had left him alone after watching Marissa fly through the house and out the door, Summer soon following, and then hearing Ryan screaming angrily, but when she felt like he'd had time to calm down, she went over to him. Neither of them said anything for a while. Ryan was just happy to feel his sister next to him , drawing comfort from her presence, and Kim was perfectly content to let him. After a few minutes of silence, Kim reached across and let her fingers tangle together with Ryan's, squeezing encouragingly. Ryan marvelled at how Kim always seemed to know what he needed, at the exact moment he needed it most.

"I've messed everything up Kimmy." Ryan admitted, feeling like he wanted Kim to know what was going on in his mind.

"No you haven't Ry." Kim assured him quietly, smiling.

"You don't understand." He told her simply, looking sullenly at his shoes.

"Don't I?" Kim asked, letting out a small laugh, before suddenly turning serious again. "I heard what Marissa said to you earlier, and I heard what you said to her." Not that it would have been possible to not hear, she thought but didn't say.

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, to make sure she knew that Marissa had been wrong, and that he had meant what he said, but Kim held up a hand to stop him before he even began.

"It's ok," she assured him "Marissa was right. Not about the part where I do it on purpose," she added quickly, "but I do have quite a knack of ruining your moments."

Ryan smiled weakly, not really sure he had the energy to speak. This didn't go unnoticed by Kim, so she simply carried on speaking.

"These last couple of days I've been kind of self-absorbed. It's taken me _way _too long to realise that, but at the same time, I've realised just how much you give up for me. Not just since I was in the hospital, but my entire life. I mean, when was the last time you did something for _you_?"

"You're not self-absorbed Kimmy. You were taking care of yourself. There's a difference."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Kim I don't...I don't know what to say." Ryan admitted, looking directly into his sister's deep, intensely green eyes.

"You don't have to say anything Ry." Kim replied, smiling weakly "What you do have to do is take a shower, get changed, and go out with Seth and the girls, to sort things out with Marissa. Because if you don't: you're going to regret it."

"Marissa won't want to talk to me, not after this morning."

"How do you know if you don't try?" Kim exclaimed, taking Ryan by surprise with her sudden change in tone.

"I don't even have any money to go with." Ryan said, knowing himself that he was making excuses. Kim raised her eyebrows slightly before getting up and walking across the room. Ryan watched, intrigued, as she sifted through some of her belongings until she finally pulled out a small metal tin. It was old and battered, and Kim had to fight with the clasp to get it open, but when she did, she retracted a few notes and returned the box. Then, she went back to Ryan and held out the green leaf of money.

"Is fifty dollars enough? Because I have more." She asked, waiting for him to take the currency from her hand.

"Kim, I can't take your money."

"Of course you can." Kim shrugged casually "I wouldn't give it to you if I didn't want you to have it."

"Kimmy, I-"

"You can give it me back to me later if you want to-though you don't have to- but for tonight, just take it and have fun. Figure things out with Marissa, chill out with Seth, and most importantly: do something that _you _want to do. We all know its _way_ overdue."

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan asked after a minute of scrutinising his sister as she stood in front of him "You hate Marissa."

"I don't _hate _Marissa. Hate is a very strong word. 'Hugely dislike' maybe, but not 'hate'. She makes you happy Ry, and that's all I want. So it's Marissa Cooper that does that for you, then I'm more than willing to put up and shut up Ryan."

Before Ryan had a chance to formulate a response, Kim pushed the money into his hand and closed his fingers tightly around it.

"How'd you get so smart?" he asked her jokingly.

"That's easy: I learned from my big brother." Kim smiled encouragingly at her brother before turning towards the door. "I'm going to make sure Seth doesn't leave without you, and you need to hurry up and get in that shower."  
>"Kim wait," Ryan said quickly, grabbing the sleeve of her jacket before she could move away. He stood up then, and without saying anything, enveloped his sister in a tight hug.<p>

"I love you, you know." He murmured softly in her ear.

"I love you too." She replied quietly, nuzzling her face into Ryan's shoulder.

"And you're the best sister in the world. I'm the luckiest big brother ever."

"You're not so bad yourself" Kim joked, though she had never felt happier as they unwound from each other.

As Kim left the pool house and walked over to the house to find Seth, she began to think of her brother's relationship with Marissa, and that lead her to remember the first time they had all me.

_Kim could feel little snatches of quiet excitement ebbing into her body with the bright Newport sun, as the streets of Chino melted away. As the dark haired man had helped to stuff their old, battered bicycles into the trunk of his car, Ryan had told Kim that the man was Sandy Cohen, his attorney. She had thrown her brother a questioning look, which he had chosen to ignore as he took her bag from her._

_They drove for a while silence. None of them quite knew what to say. Ryan was looking out the window, and following his gaze, Kim saw girl lying on the beach, and little kids splashing in the water, despite the lowering sun in the sky._

"_This is a nice car," Ryan suddenly said, breaking the stillness inside the car. "I didn't know your kind of lawyer made money."_

"_We don't," Mr Cohen replied "But my wife does."_

_It didn't take long after that until the pulled into the driveway of the biggest, grandest house Ryan and Kim had ever seen. Both of them reached for their doors, but Mr Cohen momentarily stopped them._

"_Err, why don't you two stay here for a minute?" They closed the doors again, and Mr Cohen took the keys out of the car. However, he glanced uncertainly at Ryan, and Ryan sighed._

"_It's no fun if the keys are in the car."_

_Mr Cohen smiled and put the keys back, putting the radio back on. They watched as he walked up the rest of the long driveway and disappeared into the house._

"_Ryan," Kim mumbled when everything was still again._

"_Hmm?" _

"_Can I ask you something?"  
>"Hmm"<em>

_Kim absent-mindedly twiddled with her thumbs while she contemplated the best way to phrase her question. She quickly decided that the best way was to simply say it._

"_Why'd you do it? Steal the car, I mean."_

_Ryan sighed and turned to look at his sister._

"_I don't know Kim. I just... I don't know." Kim knew that was the best answer she was going to get from her brother, so she sunk back into her chair._

"_Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?" Ryan asked, beginning to slip out of his jacket, and Kim realised that she had been rubbing her arms._

"_Ryan, you've known me for almost fifteen years," she replied simply "You should know by now that I'm always cold."_

_Ryan had spent years of Kim's life joking with her that she was the only person on the planet who could be almost constantly cold in California. But it was true. It was very rare that Kim was warm._

"_No, I'm fine." She told him, smiling gratefully, and was surprised when Ryan reached for the door._

"_Where are you going?" Kim asked nervously._

"_For a smoke." Ryan answered, as if it had been a stupid question._

"_Of course you are." Kim mumbled, sinking further into her seat._

"_Look Kimmy, I know you don't like it but I-"_

"_And yet, you still do it."_

"_I'm gonna quit."_

"_Yeah yeah," Kim replied sarcastically "Like I haven't heard that one before."_

_Ryan smiled apologetically and got out the car, throwing a quick 'I'll be right back' over his shoulder as he went. Kim sat in the car, alone, for a few minutes before she started hearing Ryan talking, but she couldn't hear anyone replying."  
>"...whoever you want me to be."<em>

_Kim turned and look out the back window, but she couldn't even see her brother. She got out the car and took a few steps down the driveway._

"_Ryan?" She called cautiously_

"_Yeah, I'm down here." Ryan called back, and he appeared just in Kim's line of sight._

_When she got to the end of the driveway, there was a girl stood there. She was tall and slim, with dead straight hair and bright blue eyes._

"_This is my sister, Kim." Ryan said to the girl, putting his arm around Kim's shoulder and directing her towards the girl._

"_Hi," she said casually, and she had a sweet, sing-songy voice._

"_Hello." Kim replied, feeling her cheeks flush a little. She had never been good at talking to new people. _

"_What are you doing here? Seriously?" the girl asked, clearly continuing with a conversation that the two of them had been having before Kim had come over._

"_Seriously?" Ryan questioned, blowing out a long drag of his cigarette. "I stole a car. Well, actually, my brother did, but since he had drugs and a gun on him, he's in jail. I got out, but then my mom kicked us out. She was drunk and pissed off, so Mr Cohen took us in."_

_Kim watched the girl carefully, a little worried about how she might react, but she certainly hadn't expected the one the girl gave._

"_You're the cousins from Boston, right?"_

_Ryan looked at Kim and smiled, clearly amused, before answering._

"_Yeah."_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N Howdy there :)**_

_**I'll be completely honest, I wanted to write this part at least a little bit like it was in the show, but I couldnt really remember how they did it, so I kind of just made it up as I went along haha Hopefully you won't all think it's crappy :)**_

_**The characters that you know and love are not mine, and are simply borrowed for a little while.**_

_**My season 3 +4 dvds came today so I'm an uber happy girly haha **_

_**I'm not sure whether Summer would have actually spoken to Marissa the way she does in this chapter, but I think someone should have done it a long time ago haha (I'm definately not a Marissa fan lol) **_

_**I do really apologize for the crappy writing in this chapter and the last few, I dont know what's wrong with me the last week or so lol I think's just because I'm reaching deadlines for my college stuff and it's stressing me out haha.**_

_**Ok, please R+R because I'd love to know what people are thinking of this story, and any ideas/suggestions/constructive criticisms and what I'm doing right/wrong are always more than welcome! Just drop me a message. I'd like to point out that if there's something you don't like, I can't change it if you don't tell me what it is. I know that some writers might get a little anal about their writing, and not appreciate people pointing out flaws, but I'm not like that. I'd rather people just tell me so I can do something about it than them just not read the story anymore :)**_

_**Ok, babble over. **_

_**thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>"Coop! Come on, you have to come! We had plans." Summer whined at the news that Marissa wouldn't be joining them on their night out.<p>

"Yeah, Sum, I know, but the plans were for the four of us, and Ryan's not coming anymore, so I'm just going to be a third wheel to you and Seth."

"Please Coop!"

"After the morning I've had, I don't really feel like going out."

"That's exactly why you should come!"

"Summer, that doesn't even make sense." Marissa replied dryly, wishing her friend would just drop the subject. She didn't want to go out. She didn't want to do anything. If she was perfectly honest, she didn't even want Summer to be around with the mood Marissa was in. She had tried, and failed miserably, to talk to Ryan that morning, and it had ended in an argument. Needless to say, that was not how she had imagined spending her morning. Marissa wasn't stupid: she knew that it was her own fault that she and Ryan weren't the same anymore. Ryan had warned her- warned everyone- about Oliver, and no one had believed him. Most people had just thought that he was being paranoid or jealous, or both. She had tried to apologise, tried to make things right, but Ryan had made things..._awkward_ and difficult. Maybe she hadn't been right to bring his sister into it, she knew how much Kim meant to Ryan, but she had been mad and hadn't meant it. Now Ryan would never want to speak to her again, and Marissa just wanted to curl up under her blankets and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. She certainly didn't want to go out with Seth and Summer.

"Alright," Summer finally snapped, annoyed that Marissa was being so stubborn. "You know what? Do what you want. I don't care, but do you want to know what I think? I think you're being _stupid_ Coop. Ryan's not the one in the wrong here. Yes, he's mad at you, but I think he has a right to be! After everything with Oliver, and then this afternoon. What was all that about anyway? Kim heard you, you know, and you may not like her very much Marissa, but I do."

Marissa was left speechless at her friend's angry rant. She had had no idea that Summer felt that way. Marissa was Summer's best friend and always had been, but Summer had had enough of Marissa's almost constant moping these days.

"Cohen's picking me up outside my house at seven. You are more than welcome to come with us, but if you're not there, we're not going to wait." Summer told her quietly before leaving the girls bedroom and heading home, leaving Marissa to wonder just what was going on in her life.

"I don't know about this Seth," Ryan repeated for about the hundredth time since the two of them had left the house.

"Hey, what did Kimberly tell you huh?" Seth replied, hoping that his efforts would be enough to keep his friend from returning home early, like he clearly wanted to. "You know how scary she is when she gets angry, and if you go home now, she's not only going to open a can of whoop-ass on you, but she'll open a second can just for me for letting you leave. So, for me Buddy ok, just give it a try."

"What if Marissa doesn't want to talk to me? What happened then huh?"

"Well, you've got to _make _her listen to you man. Look, you both said things this morning that you didn't mean, and one of you has to take the first step or you're both just going to be stuck in a place where it's not going to get any better."

Knowing that Seth was right, Ryan settled into his seat as they drove towards Summer's house.

The two of them pulled up and waited for Summer to get in. Halfway there, Seth had pulled over and made Ryan get into the back seat so that Summer could get in the front next to him. However, they were all surprised when Marissa climbed into the back seat with them. Marissa had momentarily halted when she saw Ryan, before smiling gently and a little self-consciously.

"Hey," she mumbled quietly, nervously tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hi," Ryan replied, moving over slightly so that she had room to get in. Seth and Summer over compensated for the inept atmosphere in the car as they pulled away. They were pretty much silent until they reached the diner. They had decided to just have a quiet night and the diner and a walk on the pier was a perfect situation.

"Are you guys coming in?" Summer asked when they pulled into the lot a few minutes later.

"Err, no, not yet. We'll be in soon." Ryan answered, responding to the pressing looks from Seth. Marissa looked uncertainly at Summer, who simply smiled encouragingly and ushered Seth from the car. The two of them was silent as they watched the other two until they disappeared into the diner. They glanced at each other mutably for a minute before Ryan took a deep breath, wanting to get it over with.

"Look Marissa I-" he started at the same time as Marissa said "Ryan about-"

They smiled, aware of how weird things had gotten between to two of them.

"You start," Marissa said sheepishly.

"No, carry on," Ryan replied, turning to make sure she knew he was listening.

"I didn't mean what I said this morning." Marissa said seriously, turning to face him.

"Forget about it; I have." Ryan assured her "And you know, I said things too that I shouldn't have. Let's just both pretend that it didn't happen."

"I'd like that."

"We both know this morning wasn't the only problem." Ryan answered, bringing up the subject even though he could think of nothing he wanted to talk about less.

"No. It wasn't." Marissa sighed, needing to just get it over with. "I made a huge error in judgement about Oliver, huh?"  
>"Yeah, you did." Ryan answered, and even though he smiled, Marissa could tell he was serious, and that kind of made everything worse for both of them.<p>

"Then I made another when I didn't listen to you." She continued, not a question, but a declarative statement. One that they both knew was true. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a minute, neither really sure what to say to the other now.

"What can I do?" Marissa finally murmured, almost inaudibly. "What can I do to make things right again Ryan?"

"I'm not sure there is anything Marissa. I don't think there's anything we can do to make things like they were before." Ryan admitted, leaning forwards and wiping his face with his hands.

"You know," Marissa said, seemingly thinking aloud "We never really did the 'friend' thing before did we? Maybe that's why it went wrong. We need to start again."

"What?" Ryan asked, a little confused by her apparently random outburst.

"Hi, I'm Marissa Cooper." She beamed, holding out her hand for him to shake. Catching on to her thought process, Ryan smiled widely back and took it.

"Ryan Atwood."

"Well _Ryan Atwood_, I'm meeting a friend in this diner here. Do you want to join us?" Marissa asked in an overly dramatic facade.

"It's funny you should say that," Ryan replied, playing along "I'm meeting a friend here too."

"Maybe you should both join us. You know, like a 'group hang'"

"I'd like that. I'm not sure about my friend though, he's kind of weird."

Marissa laughed, a melodic sound filling the inside of the dimly lit car.

"Maybe we could all be friends?" She asked.

Ryan nodded slowly

"I'd like that."


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N Howdy howdy :D**_

_**Ok, so this chapter is UBER short, and originally is was going to be the first part of a super long chapter, but that super long chapter was going to take a while to write, so since this part was already written and made sense on it's own, I thought instead of making you fine readers wait, I'd just post it as it is :)**_

_**I promise things will start to pick up soon haha!**_

_**None of the characters you recognise are mine, just borrowed for a little while :)**_

_**Please R+R because they really are the motivation that keeps me writing and I'm truly blown away by all the positive reviews I've had so far. If anyone's got any comments on what I'm doing right/wrong, or ideas/suggestion/constructive criticisms, then please, just drop me a message or something, because I'll always try to take on board what people are saying and try and make this a better story, because I'd rather people tell me things I may not really want to hear than have people stop reading this all together!**_

_**Thanks again :D**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>The four had a pleasant evening, with a lot less awkwardness than had been expected. It was a little after eleven when Ryan snuck into the pool house, unsure whether Kim was asleep and not wanting to wake her up if she was. He glanced around when he walked in, and for a minute, didn't see Kim at all. The main light in the pool house was off, and the only light came from the small bedside lamp next to Kim's bed. It was then that Ryan spotted his sister, and he smiled gently. He could hear the soft snoring from across the room, and Kim had fallen asleep with her glasses on, earphones in, and a book spread out across her chest. Ryan quietly padded across to her, slowly removed her glasses, folding them up and placing them on the bedside table. He gently pulled out the earphones, unravelled the iPod and shut off the music before picking up the book, sliding a bookmark in to keep the page and put the two items next to the glasses. Ryan couldn't remember the last time Kim had been so peaceful in her sleep. For a long time, both Ryan and Kim's nights had been plagued and disturbed by drunken rages that were usually followed by crippling nightmares, but even after they had moved to Newport, when Ryan's sleep had settled, Kim's hadn't.<p>

Forcing the negative memories from his mind, not wanting to ruin his good mood, Ryan went into the bathroom to wash and change. When he emerged, bright green, sleepy eyes blinked at him.

"Hey," he whispered "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't" Kim murmured back "Did you have a good night?"  
>"Yeah, I did actually," Ryan smiled, as he climbed into his own bed.<p>

"Did you figure things out with Marissa?"

"I think so." Ryan answered, considering his answer.

"Good, I'm glad." Kim mumbled wearily "Mom called earlier."

"Oh yeah, what did she say?"

"She wants to go out tomorrow. Just the three of us."

"And what did you tell her?" Ryan asked gingerly. He knew that he wouldn't have a problem being with their mother, but he wasn't so sure about his sister.

"I told her we'd meet her at eleven." Kim finally replied, surprising her brother.

"All three of us?"

"All three of us." Kim affirmed.

"Alright then." Ryan smiled, unsure that his night could actually get much better. He and Marissa were talking again; Kim and their mother were going to at least make an effort with each other. What else could he want?

"Did you take your meds?" Ryan asked as he settled down to sleep, looking forward to the next day.

"Yes Mommy." Kim replied teasingly before reaching over to switch off the lamp. "Goodnight Ry."

"Goodnight Kimmy."


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N Hey guys :D**_

_**I know it's been a little while, but this is a fairly long chapter, that took me a little while to write, but I'm actually fairly proud of this one, so hopefully it's worth it. :)**_

_**I don't own anything or anyone in this story except Kim, so, yeah...**_

_**Please R+R! Please! I love reading reviews, and they really act as motivation for to write! At the same time, if there's something that people arent happy with, please tell me so that I can take on board what is being said, and hopefully change it to make this a better story!**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>The next morning, when they were dressed and ready, Ryan and Kim clambered into the car drove down to the pier. They knew they were early, but they had decided to surprise their mother to breakfast in the diner, since they had both risen earlier than was really necessary. Dawn had been surprised when her two youngest children had knocked on her motel room door, but she had been almost ready, so they only had to wait a few minutes before they all took off at a leisurely stroll down the pier.<p>

The diner was quiet when they walked in, and they sat at their usual table. The next few minutes were spent decided what to order, and a waitress soon approached them to scribble down what they wanted before sauntering off again.

"Wow," Dawn said, looking around "This is nice. I bet you guys come here all the time, huh?"

Ryan and Kim knew immediately that it was attempt at small talk, but they indulged her, answering all of her seemingly disconnected questions.

The three of them ate their breakfast fairly quietly. Dawn asked about school, and she seemed pleased when both Ryan and Kim told her that it was going really well. Ryan wasn't sure how much, if any at all, his mother knew about what had happened with Oliver, but he certainly wasn't going to bring it up. If his mom didn't ask, he wouldn't tell.

When they were done, they paid and left, taking off for a walk along the beach. It was still a little early for tourists, so the beach was only speckled with sunbathers, rather than flooded, as it would be when the sun was higher. They got about half way across the sand when Dawn looked towards the pier and beamed.

"Hey, it looks like there's market going on up there. Shall we go and take a look?" She asked, and seeing the school-child-on-Christmas look on her face, Ryan and Kim didn't have the heart to say no.

By the time they returned to the pier, the air was a lot warmer, and Kim stripped of the thin cardigan she wore, and tied the sleeves around her waist. This part of the pier was bustling with bodies, and usually, Ryan would have hated the cluster of people to fight through, but while he watched his mother and sister walking together slightly further ahead, laughing at some unheard joke, he didn't really mind. Everyone had always said that Kim looked more like their father, with her dark hair and long limbs, but as the sun washed across both their faces, Ryan was awe-stricken by how similar his mom and Kim really looked. Though Dawn's were a clear, sea blue, and Kim's were the colour of treasured emerald, they shared their glistening eyes, and their smiles were the same. Ryan knew that Kim would never see it if he suggested that she looked like their mother, so he decided to keep it to himself, storing away the image of a day when everything was going so right.

When Ryan finally caught up with them, Dawn and Kim were marvelling over delicate trinkets that neither of them had any intention of buying. He followed them dutifully around the rapidly appearing stalls, listening to their evolving conversation. Dawn laughed and commented on the lack of femininity in her only daughter as Kim passed all of the sparkling bracelets, disinterested, and went straight to a steel ball-and-chain bracelet, and a set of three rope bracelets; one in red, one in black, and the other in grey. However, when Kim pulled out a few dollars to pay for them, Dawn told her to put her money away and purchased them herself for Kim. Kim smiled sheepishly and thanked her mother, unable to remember the last time she had received anything like that just for nothing. It was a nice feeling, even if it was unfamiliar. Ryan was elated when he found a selection of Journey cds for next to nothing, which his mother also happily paid for. He'd had them all in Chino, hidden away and perfect, out of his brother and step-father's destructive hands, but a few weeks before they'd left, Ryan had begrudgingly sold them for money to pay the electric bill.

With the cds swinging cheerfully in a bag next to his knees, and the temporarily forgotten songs returning to his head, Ryan remembered that Sandy had slipped their allowances into their hands before they had left that morning, and Ryan still owed Kim the money she had lent him the night before.

"Don't worry about it," Kim shrugged when he tried to give it to her "it's not like you're going anywhere, and that's pretty much your entire allowance. Wait until you'll have more left."  
>Ryan was about to insist that she took it, feeling guilty that he'd borrowed money from his baby sister in the first place, but she threw him a glance that said 'Don't argue with me mister', so Ryan nodded and dropped the subject. Before Ryan had a chance to say anything, Kim spotted something out of the corner of her eye, gasped gleefully, and rushed off towards it. Curious and confused, Dawn and Ryan followed her over to a stall, filled with such a random selection of items that made the whole thing feel like a yard sale.<p>

"Look at this Ryan," She breathed, amazed, and Ryan suddenly realised what had peaked her attention.

The guitar was a dark, rich brown, propped against a plain black guitar stand. The man who the stall belonged to must have seen her staring and he came over.

"You wanna take a look at 'er darlin'?" he asked in a deep southern twang, taking Kim's stunned silence as a yes and handing over the guitar. Kim handled the guitar as is it was made of porcelain. Her eyes scanned every inch of the instrument, and Ryan couldn't remember the last time he had seen her look so passionate about something. Kim lifted the strap of her bag over her head, dumped it into her mother's outstretched hand, and replaced it with the guitar strap. She ran her fingers gently over the surprisingly cool strings before she placed her fingers and began to play, strategically strumming in different ways to change the sounds. Lost in herself, Kim began to hum softly, and Ryan was genuinely surprised. He had known that she was taking lessons, and he was aware that she often practised in the pool house, though he's never heard her, but he's had no idea that she was so..._good._ No one in his family had ever been even ok at anything that could be deemed as even remotely cultural, and he wasn't exactly sure what he had been expecting, but what he was hearing certainly hadn't been it. If Kim hadn't been so completely immersed in what she was playing, she would have been more self-conscious about the passing people looking back over their shoulders at the girl playing guitar on the pier.

"How much is it buddy?" Ryan asked, pulling out his wallet because he couldn't imagine trying to make Kim put the guitar down.

"Two hundred dollars my friend." The stall owner replied, and that really got Kim's attention. She stopped playing mid-strum, and started bewildered.

"Two hundred dollars?" Ryan exclaimed "it's just a guitar!"

"Ryan," Kim scoffed "this is _not _just a guitar. It's a full sized, flat top body with a mahogany neck and rosewood fingerboard, with nylon strings and a built in piezo saddle transducer."

"I have no idea what you just said." Ryan admitted, no longer sure if the price was as ridiculous as it sounded.

"You certainly know you're guitars ma'am," The man replied, looking impressed "How many years have you played?"

"Six months." Kim replied simply, looking sadly at the guitar as she lifted it back over her head.

"Six months? Well, because you seem like a nice little lady, and because I'm impressed, I'll make you a deal," The man announced, making Kim's eyes shine a little "I'll let you have her for a hundred and forty."

"That's a lot of money," Kim sighed dejectedly.

"Well," Ryan said quietly "You have some money saved up at home, and I can give you some now. I'm sure we can make it up."  
>"I don't know Ry..." Kim replied uncertainly.<p>

"I can tell you really want it Kimmy." Kim knew he was right. However, years of having to be careful with her money had really taken its toll on her.

"I'm sure this very nice gentleman will keep it for you, right?" Dawn suggested, batting her eyelids at the stall owner.

"I sure can." He agreed, though Kim wasn't convinced.

"Maybe another day." Kim concluded sadly, handing over the guitar and turning away.

They didn't stay at the market for very long afterwards. Dawn and Kim picked up a few books each, discovering that they enjoyed the same genres. At around one, they decided to return to the diner for lunch.

"I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back." Kim told them when before going in the opposite direction. Ryan and Dawn found a table and sat down opposite each other.

"I've had a really nice day," Kim told Ryan happily "Thank you."

"So have I." Ryan agreed.

"You know, I was thinking; I might stick around for a while." Dawn continued, scrutinising Ryan's face for his reaction.  
>"Yeah?" He replied, eyebrows raised into the folds of his hair.<p>

"Yeah, I was thinking of getting a little house somewhere near here; I'll find a job. The three of us could see each other whenever we wanted."

"That'd be nice." Ryan told her, sincerely meaning it.

"Do you think your sister would think so too?"

"Well," Ryan sighed "I think it'll take her a while to get used to it, but she will."

Before they had chance to continue the conversation any further, Kim returned and plonked herself next to her brother.

"What are we talking about?" She asked, looking expectantly between Ryan and their mom.

"Err, nothing." Dawn answered shiftily.

Kim smiled, amused, before turning to Ryan.

"So that's where you get your amazing lying skills from." She observed sarcastically, holding her hands up "I get it; you don't want to tell me, whatever."

The three talked for quite a while, and the place had begun to empty by the time they actually left again. On a spur-of-the-moment decision, they got ice-cream cones from a vendor on the beach and parked themselves on a wall at the edge of the sand. There were less people on the beach now, with more and more people filtering away.

"Hey Kim, would you take a look at this?" Ryan asked, a sly smile on his face that his sister didn't notice, pointing his ice-cream towards her face.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" As Kim leaned her face forwards, Ryan bought the ice-cream up and splotched the cold sweet over her nose. She gasped, shocked, but smiled as she wiped her own ice-cream all over Ryan's cheek, clambering off the wall at the same time.

"I'm going to get you for that baby sister," Ryan warned, sliding off the wall and running his sister across the beach. Dawn laughed as she watched her two youngest children chasing each other across the sand, Kim squealing as Ryan smeared more ice-cream over the back of her neck.

"What your stitches!" Dawn called, wondering how Kim was even running walking straight, though Kim didn't take any notice.

It really was a good day.


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N Howdy:D**_

_**Ok, so this chapter is uber long, but hopefully it's going to be worth it for everyone. I had a long break at college today, and nothing else to do, so I was pretty pleased really, because it meant that I could finish this chapter today. I've kind of planned each chapter in my head, and if everything goes the way I have planned, then in the next chapter, things should start to heat up a little bit! **_

_**None of the characters you know and love are mine (sadly)! **_

_**Please please PLEASE R+R because I love knowing that people are reading this still, and the comments let me know what I'm doing that people like/dont like etc etc etc... On the other hand, if you'd rather, send me an inbox message instead! I dont mind :)**_

_**OK, I'm going to shut up now and just let you read it rather than babbling on! haha **_

_**thanks a million times over!**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>"Why don't you just leave Mom? You're good at that!"<p>

Ryan watched the unfurling argument in front of him almost in slow motion. He had been shocked into silence when his sister and mother had begun to argue, caught off-guard by how suddenly it had started, and he didn't really know what to do. He wasn't even sure what had made it begin in the first place. If it had been a movie, it would have been a comical moment.

It was Seth that bought Ryan back to the real world, distracted by the raised voices and hurled insults.

"What's going on?" Seth asked, standing next to Ryan and watching to chaos.

"I...have no idea." Ryan answered honestly.

"Well, what are they arguing for?"

"I have no idea."

Before either of the two boys had a chance to try and work out the situation, both Dawn and Kim turned and walked away; Dawn out the front door, Kim out towards the pool house. Ryan was unsure of which direction he was expected to follow, but Seth could see his friend's predicament, and though he really didn't want to get involved in an Atwood problem, he wanted to help Ryan out.

"I'll go and talk to Kim," he told Ryan "You go and stop your mom from leaving."

Glad that they decision had been taken out of his hands; Ryan nodded and rushed out the house after his mother.

"Mom!" he called, seeing her storming down the driveway. "Mom, wait up!"

"What Ryan? She's right and we all know it, so what reason do I have to stay?" Dawn threw over her shoulder, hearing Ryan's shoes beating on the tar as he hurried to catch up.

"Me." He breathed "_I_want you to stay."

Dawn was caught off-guard by her son's confession, and she stopped, tears filling her eyes.

"You mean that?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. Why don't we take a walk, huh?" he suggested, hoping he could convince her to return with him.

"I've really been trying Ry. I don't understand why your sister's being like that with me."

"Well, you didn't exactly give her a reason to be any different last time you were here."

_When Kim returned to the pool house, Ryan was surprised by how different she looked. Her long dark hair had been set into curls and pinned back, a few strands escaping and cascading over her shoulders and collar bone. Thin straps held up the shimmering, ivory coloured dress, with the ruffled skirt, thick glittery ribbon around the waist and a straight bodice. Her knobbly knees were clad in nude coloured tights. Small opal gems dotted her ears and encircled her wrist, the magnitude of different colours in them sparkling, the blues emphasising the green of her eyes. Her lashes were darkened with mascara, and her lips were slick with a soft pink gloss. However, Ryan let out a little laugh when he noticed that her feet were still adorned with the big, heavy, black leather hiking boots that she seemed to love so much, despite the fact that she had picked them up for only $4 because no one else would buy them._

"_I have big feet," She explained sheepishly, her cheeks flushing slightly "None of Mrs. Cohen's shoes fit."_

"_You look great." He told her, trying and failing to tie his tie._

"_You scrub up nice too." Kim replied, walking into the pool house towards her brother._

"_Do you know how to do a tie?" Ryan asked, growing frustrated._

"_No, sorry." Kim apologized as she plonked down onto the bed. Other than the tie, Kim admired how different her brother looked. His hair had been combed neatly, for the first time in as long as Kim could remember, there were no bruises on his face, and the suit he had borrowed fit him perfectly. To Kim, Ryan had always been a respectable human being, even if he didn't make the right choices all of the time, but now; he_looked _the way she had always seen him, and other people would see it too. Before either of them had a chance to say anything else, Sandy walked into the pool house._

"_Well," he boomed happily "Look at you two! You both look great!" Sandy glanced across at Ryan, who was standing in front of the mirror, not completely sure he was even looking at himself anymore._

"_No tie?" Sandy asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly._

"_Err, no. Open collar. It's a good look." He tried, feigning casualness. However, Sandy saw straight through the boy's facade._

"_I didn't know how to tie a tie until I was twenty-five. Come here."_

_Kim watched as Sandy patiently showed Ryan how to do his tie, and if she thought her brother had looked good before, the tie really sealed the deal. The two followed Sandy from the pool house and into the kitchen, where they were greeted by Seth, who was also clad in a suit similar to Ryan's, and he looked equally as uncomfortable in it. Kim was about to make a comment on how nice Seth looked too, but her breath was taken away from her when she saw her mother in the doorway. Dawn's hair had been straightened, her make-up was subtle and sophisticated, the black dress she wore was elegant, and she certainly hadn't had the same footwear problem as her daughter. Dawn fussed at her dress nervously when she saw her children staring, aware that she looked completely different to any time they had ever seen her before._

"_Do I look ok?" She asked self-consciously._

"_You look perfect Mom," Ryan answered, because Kim wasn't able to find her voice at that moment._

_The six of them drove in two cars to the venue, and the Atwoods couldn't understand how the Cohens could seem so at ease in the place. Kim and Ryan had only been in the big rented room that same afternoon and it looked completely different. The whole room buzzed with action, and though the noises were loud and plentiful, they weren't over whelming._

"_Let's clean 'em out Kids," Dawn muttered to her children as they walked in, and everyone went in their separate directions._

_A little over two hours after arriving, Ryan stood at the bar, still unable to get into the mood to enjoy the night. He looked to his right and saw Seth, clearly happy to be ordered around by Summer; to his right, Kim was chatting to a boy named Toby, who Seth had assured him was an ok kid. The only thing that concerned him was the fact that he had lost sight of his mother. But even that wasn't really what was bothering him. No, what was bothering him was Marissa. He had spotted her a few times during the night, and each time he had thought about going over to talk o her, Luke would approach her and ruin it. Ryan surprised himself by the realisation that he couldn't get the girl out of his mind, even though he knew that by just being friends with her, he would be causing problems. But then again, he thought, there was a good chance he and Kim would be made to leave again with their mother…_

_As he was about to make his over to Marissa, he heard a familiar shout, shortly followed by a loud crashing before the room fell silent, save for the low accusing mumbles of hidden whispers. Ryan pushed through to the front of the crowd, hearing his name being said in a slurred voice that he had unfortunately become accustomed to over his life._

"_Would you just help me up? What are you looking at?" His mother spat maliciously when she noticed people staring. Ryan froze when he reached the front, unsure what he was supposed to do. She had assured him that she had stopped drinking. She had told him that she was starting again and going clean, that things would be different. She had promised…_

"_Ryan," Dawn mumbled when she noticed him "I, err, I must have tripped, these dang shoes…" _

_As Sandy Cohen came along and crouched beside Dawn, Ryan spotted his little sister on the other side of the crowd, her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, and her eyes slightly glossy with tears that she tried to hide. She looked self-consciously to Toby, who was still next to her. Ryan knew that Kim had shared similar thoughts to his, and he wished there was something he could do. His attention was captured again by his mother calling his name again, and he took some more steps towards her, though not so many as to bring himself close to her. He wasn't sure he even wanted to be. When Dawn once again started demanding that someone help her up, Ryan wanted to move, but his feet wouldn't listen to his head, and he was rooted to the spot. He even felt little pangs of guilt when he saw Luke Ward move forward and help her instead. _

"_Where's Ryan?" She whimpered, though she had spoken to him less than a minute before, and though Ryan was angry and hurt by his mother's actions, he couldn't help but want to go to her, to comfort her, to once again reassure her that everything was fine. He felt like he'd spent half his life trying to do that, and the other half doing the same for his sister, though Kim had never done anything to not deserve it from him. _

"_I'm right here Mom," he said, suddenly moving into action and brushing Luke off, taking hold of his mother's arm and directing her towards the door. Despite the fact that he didn't particularly like Luke, Ryan hadn't intended on being so rude to him, but he just wanted to get away from the judging eyes in the room. Seeing her brother move, Kim had been forced into action too, surprising Toby. She hadn't mentioned anything about her family to him, so the whole time they'd been watching, he'd had no idea that she belonged to this apparent freak show in the middle of the room. Kim quickly crossed the room and began to collect the sprawled contents of her mother's purse as Sandy gave his car keys to Seth and told him to bring the car. _

"_I've ruined everything huh?" her mother droned, her hands feverishly gripping at the front of Ryan's jacket._

"_No you haven't mom." He muttered quietly to her, his only clear thoughts on leaving the place and never returning. _

"_And you hate me huh?" _

"_No I don't," Ryan continued "I love you Mom."_

"_Your sister does, but I don't care," Dawn announced shakily, "she's just like your father, and she doesn't understand. You've always been there for me, my brave boy, but your sister does nothing!"_

_At the sound of herself in the conversation, Kim momentarily froze, caught off-guard slightly by the unjust attack, but she quickly righted herself and continued, resorting to simply grab the remaining items and hurrying after them. Kim could hear Kirsten trying to reassure the crowd that everything was fine, but Kim couldn't accept what she was saying. Nothing was ever fine when her mother was around. No matter how well things had been going, Kim knew then that Dawn Atwood would always find a way to ruin it for all of them. It was just the way her life was destined to be, and though it had been hard, Kim had finally learned to accept it. She threw a last glance over her shoulder, hoping to keep the image of a life she could have had in her mind forever, but all she saw were eyes staring after her, and the bewildered look on Toby's face. Moments before the commotion had started, Toby had given Kim his number, hoping that they could hang out some time, but Kim knew now that it would never happen. Even if they did manage to stay in or near to Newport with their mother, there was no way Toby would want to be friends with her now; not now that he had seen first hand how dysfunctional her family really was. _

_The ride back to the Cohen's was a quiet one. Sandy, Dawn, and Ryan had taken one car, and Kirsten, Kim and Seth had taken the other. Kim didn't want to think about what her mother was doing at that moment, she didn't really care. She suddenly found herself envying Seth. Kim knew that Seth hated Newport, and wanted desperately to get out, but she knew that he would see his home as the palace Kim experienced if he had ever had to live anywhere like where she was from. _

_By the time Kim walked into the pool house, Dawn was already snoring loudly in Ryan's bed, and Ryan sat on the small steps next to it, his tie loosened and his jacket slung over the chair, watching her sadly. He looked up when Kim entered, and smiled weakly at her. Kim tried to return it, but she couldn't see anything to smile about. _

"_She's really trying you know, Kimmy." Ryan told her quietly, looking down at his shoes. _

"_Like I haven't heard that one before." Kim scoffed bitterly in response, sliding her shoes off._

"_She didn't mean what she said." He continued._

"_Do you want my bed?" Kim asked, choosing to ignore his comment because she knew it wasn't true. Her mother had never been so honest in her life. Ryan understood her answer, and simply shook his head. It wasn't her fault that Dawn had landed on his bed when he and Sandy had pretty much carried her in, so he wasn't going to make her suffer for it. He would just have to make do, like they always did when their mother was around._

"I just don't understand why she can't see that I really have changed Ryan." Dawn sighed. The sun had already begun to set, and while it wasn't cold, it was still cooler than it had been.

"Well, just don't go." Ryan said, almost pleading "You can't prove to her that it's different now if you're not here."

Ryan wasn't sure what Seth had said to Kim, but when he and their mother returned, Kim was sitting in the living room waiting for them. Ryan was glad when the two of them apologized to each other, even if Kim's had been a little forced. Aware of the tension but not wanting it to get the better of the day, Sandy warmly invited Dawn to stay for dinner, which she nervously accepted. Kim was silent until the group sat down at the table, and even after that, her speech was limited and monosyllabic. She listened to her mother chat happily about what she had been doing with her life in the months since they had last seen her, and with every passing minute, Kim could feel herself getting more and angrier. She couldn't believe that her mother could just saunter in and pretend that everything was fine. She couldn't accept that her mother could so readily act as if nothing had happened, and eventually, Kim just couldn't listen to it anymore.

Suddenly, she slammed her knife and fork down, stood up from the table and moved towards the door.

"Kim, where are you going?" Ryan asked, watching his sister stalk off, surprised by how unexpected her action had been.

"You can sit here and play happy families with her all you like, but don't expect me to join in Ryan." Kim replied darkly, leaving the kitchen and going out towards the pool house. Ryan dejectedly pushed out his chair.

"I'm really sorry," he mumbled to the Cohen's, who always managed to find themselves in the middle of an Atwood drama, then wiggled his finger at his mom, indicating for her to follow him.

"Kim," Ryan called when he went to the pool house and didn't see her.

"I'm sorry Ryan," he heard her yell from the bathroom "but she can't be here anymore." Kim emerged looking pleased to see him, but then she saw that her mother was there too, and then she just looked mad.

"And yet, here she is." She snapped, folding her arms over her chest defiantly.

"Look Kimmy, I-" Dawn began, only enraging her daughter even more.

"No Mother, only people I actually like call me Kimmy."

"I had a right to know Kimberly. You were sick, I came to see you and you're acting like its such a huge crime!" Dawn yelled.

"A right?" Kim screamed, more angry than she could ever remember being before. "No mom, you gave up those rights when you chose your boyfriend over the two of us! And then again when you left here with no goodbye! Not even a note!"

All of a sudden, Ryan found himself in the middle of a shouting match between his mother and sister. He quickly formulated a plan, and while Kim and Dawn flung cheap insults at each other, Ryan grabbed his keys from the table next to his bed.

"Enough!" He shouted, louder than he had meant to, but only just loud enough to be heard. Dawn and Kim stared at him bewildered, stunned into silence. "This is ridiculous! I can't believe how childish you're both being. You" he said, indicating to his mother "shouldn't have come here out of the blue, but the fact that you came at all means something. And you" he sighed, turning to Kim "I understand why you feel the way you do, but you don't need to be such a baby about it. For such a smart girl, you're acting really stupidly."

"_I'm _behaving stupidly? She-" Once again they fell into throwing arguments around, and Ryan simply turned, walked out of the pool house, closed the door behind him and locked it. Dawn and Kim only noticed when Kim attempted to storm from the room and realized that she couldn't open the door.

"Ryan, what are you doing? Open the door!" Kim demanded, wondering what was going on.

"No. Not until the two of you can figure this out like human beings." Ryan replied firmly, dangling the only keys in front of her face.

"Ryan, I'm serious." She warned

"So am I, so get talking."  
>"You have to open it eventually Ryan, so that you can go to bed."<p>

"I'll sleep out here if I have to, but I'm not opening this door until the two of you can talk. _Without _calling each other names."

Kim looked like she was about to answer, so Ryan stopped her before she could

"Look Kim, you told me last night that I need to do more things for me. This is for me."

Unable to find a valid argument to that, Kim nodded slowly and drew the blind down. She knew that it would be better for everyone if she did what she needed to in private and that included her brother. Ryan sat on the step to the pool house, and set himself up for a _long _wait.

Two hours later, Seth parked himself next to Ryan, who still sat on the steps.

"Did your plan work?" He asked.

"Well," Ryan sighed "they've stopped screaming, so they either killed each other, or they're talking."

"Good," Seth answered "Come on, Mom set up the sofa for you."

Ryan rose early the next day. As he padded softly to the pool house, he rolled his shoulders which were sore from sleeping in an awkward position all night. He pulled the keys from his pocket and lifted them to the door, only to be surprised by the fact that the door was already unlocked. Confused, he pulled open the door and walked in, looking around and seeing no signs of his mother or his sister. Slightly concerned, Ryan turned around again and was about the make his way back to the house. The sun was barely up, and everyone else were still sleeping, but Ryan planned to start by waking Seth, to see if he had any knowledge of where his female family members might be. However, before he got to the doorway, Ryan happened to look out towards the sea, and that's where he spotted her. He was sure it was her, so Ryan quickly changed and put on shoes before making his way across the sand.

Even before he reached her, Ryan could tell that Kim had been crying. She sat on the sand, hugging her knees and looking out onto the horizon. Her hair blew casually in the slight breeze, making the strands dance around her face. She didn't turn around, but she knew her brother was there. She would always know that he was there.

"She left this morning." She told him simply, her voice still thick with emotion. Ryan nodded slowly and lowered himself next to her, letting her lean her head on his shoulder.

"Did you guys talk?" he asked quietly, though he knew the answer.

"Yes."

"Thank you." Ryan replied, knowing that it couldn't have been easy for Kim to be rational about their mother's presence, given their history, but she had done it because he had asked her to.

"It's ironic really, because she asked me to tell you that she's sorry for leaving without telling you goodbye. If she was really sorry, I wouldn't be the one telling you."  
>When Kim had spoken, Ryan had thought that her comment was an attempt at a sly dig at their mother, but by the sad smile she gave him after it, he knew that it wasn't.<p>

"She said she'd call when she gets back to...wherever it is she goes." Kim continued, taking a deep breath. Knowing that it was probably what she both wanted and needed at that moment, Ryan wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Kim found the mixture of the smell of the sea and her brother's natural aroma soothed her a lot, and she soon began to feel better.

The two of them sat that way for a while, and for the first time in their lives, they really opened up to each other. They told each other things that they had each kept secret for years, not really wanting to hear it, but knowing that they were things that would have to be said eventually. However, Kim didn't tell her older brother about the time her mother's old boyfriend, AJ, had knocked her out with the back of his hand, just as Ryan didn't tell Kim that AJ had done the same thing to him too. But for that moment, those things didn't really matter. What mattered was that they were finally united rather than divided by existing conflicts, because those conflicts no longer existed in the world they now found they actually belonged to. They were not even just united in the pain they had once experienced, keeping details from each other, but they were, and always would be, together in their journey to a happier world.


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N Hey!**_

_**I know it's been a few days, but this chapter is a REALLY long one compared to some of the others, and it's the one where things start to happen, so I wanted to make sure it was worth the wait before putting it up lol! **_

_**The only character that is mine is Kim. Everything you recognise does not (sadly) belong to me lol :)**_

_**Looking at the traffic stats for this story, it never fails to blow me away, and I'm truly thankful to everyone who has read this story! I really hope that I'm still doing it justice, and that people are still enjoying this! Reviews would be helpful in that they let me know what I'm doing right/wrong, so please feel free to drop me a message anytime! At the same time, I'm not the kind of person who writes just to get reviews, I do it because I love it, and that's all that matters! The fact that so many people read this story makes me feel honored.  
>In particular though, I'd like to publicly thank tcsportsmed7, because without her help, support and guidance, I'm not sure I would have got past the first chapter! I owe her so much, and I'm truly thankful to her! <strong>_

_**Alright, I'm going to shut up now, so... yeah... lol**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>A few weeks passed, and nothing else was said about Dawn's visit, and though he wanted to, Ryan didn't ask about the conversation she's had with their mother. In his opinion, he'd already asked her to do it in the first place even though she hadn't wanted to, so he didn't really think he had the right to ask about it.<br>The weekend after Kim returned to school, it was her fifteenth birthday. When her eyes fluttered open, the pool house was bright and empty. She quickly rose and showered before going across to the house for breakfast.  
>"Happy birthday!" Ryan and the Cohens called when she entered, and Seth let out a small party popper, that banged and shot brightly coloured paper across the room.<br>"Thanks guys," Kim laughed, pulling streamers from her hair, standing still while four happy kisses were planted on her cheeks.  
>"Come on, come on!" Seth exclaimed, clearly a little over excited "it's time for presents!"<br>Ryan playfully held out a chair for her at the kitchen table while Seth presented her with a large box, wrapped in blue, glittery paper. Kim began to carefully peel back the corners, a quiet excitement pulsing in her ears.  
>"Oh seriously," Seth groaned "Just rip it already!"<br>Sandy and Kirsten watched with affection at the three of them gathered around the kitchen table, as Kim opened the box and pulled a selection of guitar sheet music books of her favourite artists, with a death cab book slipped in the back.  
>"You have to master that one first." Seth added, pleased with himself seeing the grin on Kim's face.<br>"Seth, these are amazing!" she exclaimed, giving him a hug "Thank you!"  
>Over the next half an hour or so, Kim went on to open a new pair of black leather boots from her brother, which she elatedly slid straight on, tying them up over her jeans, and an envelope containing a voucher for piano lessons from Sandy and Kirsten.<br>"Well," Sandy beamed at her when she looked at them, completely speechless "We figured you took to the guitar so well, you might want to see how quickly you can work on something else."  
>"Are you ready to go?" Kirsten asked Kim, causing the young girl's brow to furrow slightly with confusion.<br>"Go where?" she asked.  
>"Me, you, Summer and Marissa are spending the day at the spa, while the boys clean the house." Kirsten answered, smiling slyly and mischievously.<br>"That sounds great," Kim replies happily "Let me just go and grab my purse." Kim got up to move towards the pool house, but Seth took her wrist to stop her. She hadn't noticed until she turned again that Ryan was no longer in the room.  
>"Just hang on a minute woman." Seth told her "There's one more present."<p>

Kim's expression switched from confusion to complete shock in half a second when she saw what was in her brother's hand when he returned to the kitchen. It looked the same as it had when she'd last seen it, save for the blue ribbon tied around the top.

"You went back and bought the guitar?" she breathed, bewildered, as Ryan held it out to her.

"I wish I could say I was smart enough to think of it," Ryan replied, secretly pleased by the stunned expression on his sister's face as she gently took the guitar from his hand. "No, it wasn't me."

Ryan and the Cohen's waited for a second for a flicker of understanding to pass across Kim's face as she hung the guitar strap over her shoulder, and when it did, she seemed truly gobsmacked.

"Mom? _Mom _went back and bought it?" she gasped, almost convinced that she was wrong.

"What can I say?" Ryan shrugged, laughing slightly "For all of her faults: she's a smart woman."

As Kim began playing idly at the strings, Ryan couldn't help but notice that the guitar..._suited _her. He couldn't think of a better or more accurate way to describe it. Seeing it with the strap slung casually over her shoulder, her fingers brushing against the strings that already seemed so attuned to her every movement, it looked like it had always been there. But then, he supposed, in her mind, it probably always had been. He knew Kim had wanted to learn the guitar for as long as he could remember.

"This is the best birthday ever!" Kim announced proudly as she left the kitchen, and as she moved out towards the pool house, they could hear her playing, and no one could suppress a smile. Kim knew that the statement was true, but not because she's had things that she'd wanted, but because she finally had people that care enough to get her things that she wanted, rather than forgetting, or pretending that they didn't know. She'd woken up that morning, expecting it to be just like any other day, because that was how birthdays had always been treated for her and her brothers.

"Kimberly! Come on!" Ryan called into the pool house hours later, after she had returned from her spa day with Kirsten, while she was sitting on her bed, experimenting with the different sounds her new guitar made. She looked up, surprised, when Ryan entered the room, confused as to what he was talking about.

"Kim, why aren't you ready?" he asked, seeing her on the bed with the music books spread haphazardly around her.

"Ready for what Ry?"

"Didn't I tell you? We're going to a party." Ryan replied, even though he knew that he hadn't told her.

"No you didn't tell me." Kim answered, momentarily making her fingers still and the room silent.

"Yeah, it's at the Bait shop. Seth and I knew about it weeks ago, and we thought you'd like to join us since it's your birthday."

"Sure." she said casually, placing the guitar lovingly on her pillow and gathering the books. "When do we have to leave?"

"Fifteen minutes ago."

The Bait shop was bursting with people when Ryan, Seth, Kim, Summer and Marissa pulled up. Sitting between the other two girls in the car, with their shimmering skirts and beaded tops, Kim once felt underdressed for the OC party scene. Since she hadn't had a lot of time to get ready, Kim had left the house wearing the same faded black jeans with her new boots fastened over the ends, though she had just about had time to throw on a slightly more dressy top. She had quickly let her down, having no choice other than letting it fall naturally over her shoulders because she hadn't had time to do anything else. Kim had never really let the way other people saw her bother her. She was happy being who she was, and she would much rather be casual at a party and have fun, than wear something nice and spend the night complaining over how uncomfortable she was. However, as she looked out the window towards the Bait shop, she saw the other girls there, dressed similarly to Summer and Marissa, feet clad in high heels that looked painful, daintily flowing skirts and ever-so-slightly revealing tops, Kim couldn't help but feel a little inadequate there. But hey, she thought, too late to do anything about it...

If they had thought that the outside of the venue was packed, the inside was worse. There was barely any room to move, and it took a while for the five of them to force their way through the crowd. It took Kim a few minutes to realise that someone was calling her name. When she looked around, she saw her best friend, Toby, waving at her, trying to get her attention. She was surprised to see Toby; he had phoned her that afternoon and wished her a happy birthday, apologizing because he wasn't sure he could convince his mother to let him go out anywhere to give Kim her gift. Kim had told him not to worry, but secretly, she was a little disappointed. She had looked forward to seeing her best friend, but she knew it wasn't his fault. His mother was extremely controlling, and very rarely let him out after dark. However, Summer had seen Kim's attempt at hiding her disappointment, so when Kim left her phone in the room to go to the bathroom, she had quickly phoned Toby back, explaining in very simply, slightly violent terms that he had better be at that party, or he was going to be on the receiving end of one of her rage black outs. She had hung up before Kim returned, and her young friend was none the wiser. Summer hadn't told anyone other than Marissa what she had done, and they smiled proudly at each other when Kim grinned widely at her friend's presence.

They had a good night, but in the end, the three girls decided to leave, because there were just too many people around. They decided to head to Summer's house to do 'girly' things that Seth, Ryan and Toby just wouldn't understand; which was basically just code for changing into sweatpants and watching The Valley, while eating copious amounts of junk food. The boys decided they were going to stay at the party for a little longer, but since it had been Seth who drove them all there; Summer, Kim and Marissa told Ryan and Seth that they would call a cab.

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked, uncertain that he was happy with their decision. "I don't mind taking you there and coming back."

"It'll be fine," Kim assured him "You stay and have a good time."

The air was cool and fresh when they stepped out of the club, refreshing after the warm, stifling atmosphere inside. There were not many people around; they had either gone inside the building, or left because they couldn't get in. The only people they could see were a teenage couple enthusiastically making out a little down the pier, and a drunken man sitting on a bench a few feet away from them.

The three chatted happily under the gatherings of stars, clearly seen in the cloudless sky of early spring, waiting for their cab to arrive.

"Hey ladies," came a drunken slur from the man on the bench. They briefly looked over at him, caught off-guard slightly, before they all silently agreed to ignore him and carry on talking.

"Do you want to come to a party with me?" he called, pushing himself from the bench unsteadily and stumbling towards them.

"Come on," Marissa muttered to the other two girls, turning their backs on the man and starting to walk away. When they heard heavy footsteps behind them, they picked up the pace slightly, though they knew they couldn't go far, or their cab wouldn't find them.

"Come on girls; I don't bite!" the man hollered, the pitch of his voice changing octaves with every syllable.

"Go away Freak!" Summer yelled over her shoulder, momentarily losing her cool.

"That upsets me, it really does," he giggled, followed by a small "ooh" as he stumbled accidently. The girls continued to walk away from the man, but for someone who was so undeniably intoxicated, he was relatively fast. Before they had a chance to do anything about it, the drunken man had grabbed Kim by her wrist and spun her around to face him.

Immediately, Kim was faced with an ill-shaven, shagging looking man, no older than twenty-five. He was tall and well-built, with dark hair and unfocused eyes. The stink of alcohol stung Kim's nose, and she squirmed uncomfortably from his proximity.

"Hey! Let go of her!" Marissa exclaimed, sounding slightly panicked.

"Sorry Blondie," the man replied "I prefer brunettes."

"Get off me," Kim hissed, throwing out her fists. However, despite the fact that the man was in a slightly uncoordinated state, he was still stronger than the three girls, and the more they tried to fight him off, the tighter his grip became. All three girls fought harder, but eventually, it only ended with Kim and the man on the floor. With the air forced out of her lungs, Kim momentarily found it harder to breath, and the fact that the semi-mobile man on top of her, attempting to kiss her face, didn't make any easier. She was vaguely aware of Summer and Marissa trying to drag the man off of her, and she could hear them shouting and yelling, but everything seemed to blend into each other as sheer, undiluted panic gripped at her body. She felt herself resorting to old tactics: quietly humming her favourite song, images of all the places she wanted to go, things she wanted to see, things she wanted to do. Kim didn't even feel anything in particular, unsavoury memories flitting through her mind, until the weight of the man was lifted, and she squirmed away. When she looked around again, she was immediately comforted by the sight of her brother, until she realised that he was beating the snot out of the man.

"Ryan," she gasped as Ryan landed punch after punch on the man's face. "Stop. That's enough."

Kim scrambled to her feet and went to move towards her brother, determined to make him cease, but Seth took her wrist to keep her away. He stood protectively in front of the three girls, and the seriousness of what was going on finally hit Kim as the drunken man stopped fighting back.

"Ryan, you're still on probation!" she yelled, trying to make herself heard over her brother's angered grunts. "He's not worth jail!"

Ryan heard his sister, and despite the rage he felt pulsing through his body, he could hear the panic and worry in her voice. Ryan finally managed to rein it in and stop himself from completely annihilating the man, despite the fact that he could think of nothing he wanted to do more. He stooped over the man, dragged him to his feet by the collar of his t-shirt and growled at him, teeth bared.

"Get out of here."

The man staggered away, muttering darkly under his breath, wiping away the trickle of blood that dribbled from his nose, and Kim let out a breath of relief. Looking around, Ryan saw that he had attracted quite a crowd, and they had all seen what he had just done. When he looked at them, they all turned away quickly, none of them aware of what had started the fight in the first place, all worried about a repeat performance.

The next morning, Ryan woke up late in the morning. He knew it was late; it was hot and bright in the pool house, and it was completely silent. He usually woke up before Kim, so he normally heard her soft snoring, but that morning, there was nothing. He tried to sit up, but realised that every time he moved, an immobilising pain shot through his head, making it seek to comfort of the pillow again. Thinking that he was probably just coming down with something, and hoping to sleep it off, Ryan lowered his head and closed his eyes again. Just as he was drifting off to sleep again, the peaceful silence surrounding him was shattered by his sister calling his name. The sound seemed distant at first, but then it seemed to rush up and grab his brain, reverberating in his ears.

"Ryan, wake up!" she said, hurried tone alerting Ryan. "You have about three seconds to explain to me why the police are here looking for you!"

Before Ryan had a chance to calculate an answer, his bed sheets were pulled back, his arms were yanked behind his back, and cold metal was wrapped around his wrists.

"Ryan Atwood, you're under arrest for the assault of Macalister Hayden."

Ryan was dragged from his bed, and he squinted his eyes away from the bright shine of the sun, vaguely aware of figure in the doorway that were slightly out of focus. Despite this, he knew who they were. He could hear their voices.

"Sandy, what's going on?" Kirsten asked.

"They can't just come in here and take him like this, can they?" Seth added.

"I'm his attorney, please do not ask him any questions unless I'm present. Ryan, don't say a word, do you hear me? We'll figure this out." Sandy told him confidently. All the voices seemed to mingle, the questions, demands, and instructions all merging into one, until the vital question came into play.

"Ryan, what happened last night?" Kim whispered, confusion and fear all too clear in her voice. Ryan tried to replay the night in his head, to recall what had happened to set everything straight and make everyone understand, but his stomach lurched violently when he realized he couldn't do it. There was nothing there. Blank. Nothingness. Empty.

"I don't remember."


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N Hey guys, sorry, I know it's been a few days again, but I've had sooo much to do ahah**_

_**Ok, well, in theory, there should be something important happening in pretty much every chapter for at least the next four of five chapters, so they might take a little longer to write, but that's only because I want to make sure they are perfect for you lovely readers! Also, I'm trying to keep up with regular updates on my NCIS story too (check that out if you're interested :D).**_

_**Please drop me a review or an inbox or something, because I'd love to hear what people are thinking of this story, especially now that it's getting to the more original parts, and it would be useful to me for people to let me know what they think is going right/wrong, so that I can make sure I carry on doing it/change it etc etc etc 3 **_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>"What time did you leave the party?"<p>

"I don't remember."

"How did you get home?"

"I'm not sure."

"Once you returned home with your sister, did you leave again?"  
>"I don't think so."<br>"What do you mean you 'don't think so'?"

"I don't know if I left again."

"How much alcohol did you have to drink?"

"None."

"Drugs?"

"Definitely not."

"You sound certain about that."

"I...I am certain about that." Ryan stammered, though he _wasn't _sure. He wasn't sure about anything. It terrified him.

"Did you hit your head?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then why can't you remember anything?"

"I don't know!" Ryan exclaimed. He had been interrogated for well over an hour, and his answers were always the same. The balding, slightly over-weight officer in front of him had asked him the same questions over and over, sometimes wording them slightly differently, trying to catch him out. But Ryan was telling the truth. He really couldn't make his mind muster any images from the previous night. There was nothing there, as if the night just hadn't existed. As if he had slept right through it, and for all Ryan knew, he could have. He was tired, his throat was dry and scratchy, his head pounded violently, and he was still wearing the vest and old sweatpants that he slept in. He was uncomfortable at best, with his hands still cuffed behind his back. He couldn't understand what was going on, and he had no idea what was going to happen.

Kim paced anxiously in the police station, with Seth and Kirsten sitting around her. They were waiting for more information, but so far, they had been given nothing. The only thing they were certain of was that Sandy was with Ryan. Everything else was unknown. Kim had bought some of her brother's clothes with her, because he was still in his night clothes, but no one had come to collect them from her.

"Kim," Seth murmured quietly "Would you please sit down? You're making me nervous."

"We should be nervous Seth. We have no idea what the hell is going on. I've never even heard of anyone called Macalister Hayden, so I don't know about you, but I'm having a pretty hard time believing that Ryan beat him up." Kim answered quickly, the uncertainty that she felt ebbing in through her voice, making her sound small and pathetic to her own ears. Before Seth had chance to reply, Summer and Marissa pushed through the doors and spotted them, rushing over, a look of pure confusion on each of their faces.

"What's going on?" Summer explained when she reached them. Kim rapidly explained the whole situation to them.

"That's crazy!" Summer exclaimed angrily "Ryan wouldn't just beat someone up, and we were with him the whole night!"

"I know!" Kim replied "But they seem to have this idea that Ryan did it."

They were interrupted then by a police officer approaching them, and Kirsten stood, determined to show that she was in control of the situation. Kirsten could see that the officer was young, probably no older than six or seven years older than Seth and Ryan. He looked slightly out of place in his uniform, like he'd snuck out of the house in his daddy's uniform after playing dress up. The man's eyes were bright and kind and he didn't give off the air of self-importance that Kirsten had picked up from many of the other officers that had spoken to her since she had arrived.

"Good morning," he said softly when he got to them "I'm Officer Davies. I'm looking for Kimberly Atwood?"

At the mention of her name, Kim took a small step forwards to identify herself to the officer, but she certainly wasn't going to do anything until she knew more about what was happening.

"That's me," she replied "but what about Ryan? What's going on with him?"

"Your brother is still being questioned. I wouldn't have thought that he'd be too much longer, but with these kinds of cases, it's hard to tell."

"What does that mean; 'these kinds of cases'?" Kirsten asked, stepping to the front of the group, painfully aware that she was the only one around to be responsible for the four children around her, despite the fact that only two of them were hers.

"Well, cases where the victim wasn't in a position to identify the assailant and –"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Seth interrupted suddenly, picking up on what the officer said "what do you mean he 'wasn't in a position to identify'? If the guy didn't personally identify Ryan, what makes you think he did anything wrong?"

"There were a lot of witnesses Mr Cohen, that saw the attack, but Mr Hayden is unable to confirm the allegations because the attack was so severe, he's still unconscious in the hospital."  
>Kim winced at the thought of what the officer was telling them. She refused to believe that Ryan could do that to someone. Yes, Ryan was a little eager to use his fists sometimes, but he knew when it was time to stop, when the person had had enough, and there was no way he would push past the boundaries of that.<p>

"We don't even know anybody called Macalister Hayden," Marissa argued "so what reason would Ryan have for beating up a total stranger?"

Officer Davies pulled out a piece of paper from a file he had held against his chest and showed it to them, revealing it to be a photograph. The image there made them all gasp.  
>"This is Mr Hayden." He told them simply.<p>

The photo was a head shot of a man, but that was all that was clearly discernible from the picture. His face was almost completely purple bruises, with cuts plastered all over it as well. His eyes were both blackened and swollen shut, and his bottom lip was thick. A long gash ran along his dark hairline, part of his hair having been shaven away for the stitches. Without even seeing the rest of the man's body, they could all tell that his face wasn't the extent of his injuries, and it just made the whole situation worse.

"Wait a minute," Seth murmured after a minute or so of silence as they all studied the picture. "Isn't this that guy that attacked you guys last night?"

For a brief second, all three of the girls cast their minds back to the previous night, hearing and seeing the drunken man in their heads.

_Hey ladies...Sorry Blondie...I prefer brunettes._

"What?" Kirsten exclaimed "You guys got attacked?"

"That's a little dramatic," Kim assured her "he was following us around, he was a little drunk."

"He dragged you to the floor." Summer added.

"We fell." Kim corrected her "but then Ryan and Seth came along and...Oh God." She gasped, events finally clicking into place as she turned quickly to Officer Davies. "Ryan hit him a couple of times, but the guy got up and walked away. He was fine, and he definitely didn't look like _that._"

"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Kirsten hissed desperately.

"I didn't think it was anything." Kim admitted.

"Ok," Officer Davies interjected "I have to document this. I'll go and get the forms, and be right back." The watched the officer walk away, and Kirsten launched into a lecture about how she and Sandy should always be told things like that, while Kim pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, momentarily distracted by the explosions of purple and yellow splotches behind her eyelids. Her head spun with new realisations, and suddenly, the lines between what she thought she knew were more blurred. What if Ryan's punches had done more damage than they had immediately anticipated?

Kim was dragged from her now confused thoughts by someone calling her name, and when she looked up; she saw Toby had just entered the police station with a group of other men who all looked alike. She wandered over to him, both of them breaking away from the group of people they were with. The men Toby had entered with were busy causing a small riot at the receptionist's desk, so they didn't notice that Toby wasn't with them anymore.

"Hey," he greeted, a questioning look on his face at his best friend's presence.

"Hi, " she replied, just as curious "what are you doing here?"

"My brother was attacked last night." Toby told her "what about you?"

Kim opened her mouth to answer him, but she was stopped by someone calling out angrily.

"There he is! That's the guy that attacked Mac!"

When Kim and Toby's gazes followed the pointed finger of one of Toby's older brothers, their eyes widened when they saw that Ryan was on the other end of his finger, emerging from the interrogation room with Sandy and another police officer.

"Did Ryan attack my brother?" Toby exclaimed, not quite sure if he believed what he was asked.

"No!" Kim told him firmly, though she was no longer sure either.

"Kimmy, what the hell is going on here?"  
>"Your guess is as good as mine Toby."<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Howdy people :)**_

_**Ok, so this is a super short chapter, and to be honest, I didn't really plan this one. I just started writing, and this is what came out :) So hopefully it's ok, and it still fits, and with any luck, it might actually make sense in the story! :D **_

_**That's all I'm really going to say for now! Let me know what you think :)**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>Kim had wanted to stay at the police station with her brother, but knowing that there was nothing else that could be done for the time being, she had begrudgingly let Ryan convince her to go home with the Cohens. The pool house was eerily empty and quiet when she walked in that night. She dumped her bag by the door and slumped down onto her bed, with her head in her hands, trying to make sense of the day. She couldn't understand what had changed. Everything had been going perfectly for weeks. There had been no drama, and that seemed to be a rarity. It had seemed as if a dam had been built to keep all the bad and troublesome events away from them.<p>

But now, the dam had broken, washing them all away with the turmoil left behind.

Despite Kim's inability to wrap her head around what was going on, she knew that all of her feelings were escalated for her brother. Ryan wasn't lying. He really couldn't remember the night before, of that much Kim was absolutely certain, though it was the only thing she could know for sure. The look of undiluted fear in his eyes when he had realised that he couldn't recall the night before had been unmistakable. You couldn't fake emotion like that. Ryan definitely couldn't. He was an awful liar and everyone knew it. Kim chuckled weakly when she thought about the trouble Ryan's fibs had landed them in. Some of them had been almost comical in hindsight.

Not this one.

Kim couldn't imagine that this would ever be funny. This was different to anything they had ever found themselves in before. There wasn't a chance that they could walk away with a slapped wrist. Kim hadn't spoken to Toby for long once his brother's had been close to starting a riot in the police station, but she knew enough that Mac's injuries were serious. Possibly fatal. If nothing turned up to prove Ryan's innocence, he was going to prison. There was no denying that. Sandy's awesome powers of persuasion weren't going to work; Seth's quick wit and wacky ideas would be futile; Summer's rage black-outs were more than likely to make things worse; Marissa's clever, sometimes slightly unscrupulous thinking wasn't going to get them anywhere.

And Kim? She had never felt so useless.

What was she supposed to do? She thought ruthlessly. Convince the police to let Ryan go by astounding them, plucking a few strings and strumming a couple of chords? Use the power of music and melody to release Toby's brother from his current comatose state, so that he could identify his real attacker and Ryan would be remitted with a pat on the back, and an apology for the misunderstanding?

Kim knew that none of those things were going to happen, so with a bitter tirade of thoughts swirling through her head, she changed and climbed into bed, eventually falling into a fitful sleep, plagued with negativity and nightmares.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Hey! How's everyone?**_

_**In a way, this chapter is kind of similar to the last one, except it's a little longer, and it's from Ryan's point of view, rather than Kims. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think! **_

_**Thanks a million,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>Ryan woke with a start. It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up with him, to recognise where he was and why. When it eventually did, he groaned and rolled over on the hard, lumpy mattress. He held his eyes shut tight for a minute and opened them quickly, hoping that the dull grey paint would be replaced with the warm, sunlit walls of the pool house, and that he's be able to hear his sister's soft breathing instead of the loud, jagged, nasally snores that came from an overly hairy homeless man that had been bought in the night before for urinating against a wall.<p>

Needless to say: it didn't work.

Ryan swung his legs over and sat up, his feet landing on the ice cold concrete floor as he attempted to roll the tension out of his shoulders. He hadn't imagined he'd see the insides of a cell again. Especially not this soon. This was Trey's world, and his father's, but not his. He longed for the comfort and familiarity of his jeans and wife-beater, but he was stuck in the vest and sweatpants he had put on an eternity ago- or, at least, he assumed he had put on, because he didn't actually remember.

He crossed the room to the sink, splashed refreshingly cool water on his face and looked for a towel, but found none. Seeing no other alternative, he used the front of his vest, leaving him feeling grubbier than he had to start with. Even just standing in the middle of the room made him feel dirty. He couldn't imagine the cell had been cleaned for a while; he crinkled his nose against the dank smell that invaded his nostrils. There was a small, barred window, almost too high for him to see out of, and he reached up to touch the bars. They were painfully cold, but the sensation made him feel real, like this wasn't some kind of twisted dream that he was having trouble waking up from. The thought both disturbed and comforted him. The taps and sink were caked in limescale, and the toilet certainly needed a good scrub. Every corner of the room was darkened with cobwebs that even the spiders didn't want to inhabit anymore. Next to the rusted and rickety metal frame of the bed were the beginnings of a hole in the bare bricks, where someone had obviously started to pick away at the clay, either as a feeble attempt to reach freedom, or as something to relieve the insatiable boredom. The ceramics of the toilet was chipped, and if Ryan had to guess, he would say that someone had thrown something at it in anger or desperation, though honestly, he didn't want to think about it. The mirror above the sink was dirty, and smudged with something that looked eerily like dried blood, but Ryan chose to ignore these things, instead looking past them at his own reflection. Everything about him looked different, yet the same. His hair still stuck up at odd angles, like it did every morning when he woke up, but it seemed worse that morning, probably because of the knowledge that he didn't have a comb anywhere to correct it. Ryan slid his shoes back over sockless toes, not even wanting to think about what may have coated the floor since the last time it was mopped.

At first he thought that he was only noticing these things because he had got used to a certain way of life with the Cohens, an entire world away from where he found himself, but then he realised that no matter how bad things got with his mother in Chino, it had never been this bad.

He couldn't understand what was going on. Nothing made sense, and everything confused him. He once again racked his brains, desperately trying to conjure up images from the near twelve hour void he was missing. He remembered arriving at the Bait shop, wondering if they were even going to get in because of the amount of people there, but after that, there was nothing until he woke up the next morning, having silver bracelets slapped on his wrists. He had seen the confused look on his sister's face, and he felt a pang of guilt, though he wasn't sure if he even had anything to feel guilty about.

But that was the problem: he wasn't sure.

He didn't know why he couldn't remember. He knew he hadn't had any alcohol to drink, not while he was the one responsible for Kim. He knew that she was fifteen, only about eighteen months younger than he was himself, but he still felt like there should be someone there to take care of her. He knew for a fact that he hadn't taken any drugs, because he just wouldn't have done it. He had seen their effects way to many times to count, and he didn't like the idea of not being in control of himself. So what did that leave? Yes, he'd had that little scuffle with that drunken guy, but the guy had asked for it. He'd been too sluggish and out of it to land any good punches, and he would have known if he'd had a hit to the head, right? Ryan let out a small grunt in frustration. Each time he tried to answer some questions; he ended up just giving himself some more, with no way to figure them out. It was like taking two steps forward and three steps back. He wasn't moving forward, but time was passing. He had to know. Even if it meant revealing that he had done whatever it was he was being accused of, he had to be sure. Even if it wasn't for his own closure, he had to know for his family. He couldn't stand the thought of Sandy wasting his time, efforts and emotions defending him if he really had done it. He didn't want Kim and Seth to have to go to school every day, wondering if they should be telling people who asked if they were wrong. He was sure people would ask. They always did. He certainly didn't want Kirsten to have to face the Newspies accusing whispers and not-so covert mumbles about the boy she had taken into her home, corrupting the neighbourhood. It just wouldn't be fair to any of them.

Ryan's thoughts were quickly interrupted by the jingling of keys behind him, and he was surprised to see a rough looking guard, almost bursting out of his clearly ill-fitted uniform, with a shaven, tattooed head and a slight beard.

"Let's go Atwood." He growled; his voice low and gruff, harsh and echoing inside the small cell. Despite how much he disliked being in this cell, he knew it was about 100% better than it would be at the place he was ultimately going to. This cell was not built to house inmates for a long period of time, and most of the people it did occupy were older men. Ryan was the youngest there by at least seven years, if not ten, and since he was younger than eighteen, he was headed back to the same juvie that had started everything.

Ryan allowed himself to be cuffed again, the guard being unnecessarily rough with him, and he was led down a series of thin corridors, cells lining them, most of them having at least one person inside. The guard only spoke again when they got to a cornered off room somewhere deep in the police station.

"I'm going to uncuff you now, but if you try anything funny, I'm going to just shoot you. Got it?" he asked. Ryan thought the situation hardly called for a big red nose and a fake flower that squirted water. Although Ryan was pretty sure the guard wasn't _allowed _to shoot him, he didn't want to push his luck, so he simply nodded.

"Yes sir." The slightly-too-tight cuffs were released, and Ryan was handed some clothes. The pile included a navy jumpsuit, clean underwear and a plain white t-shirt. He was searched- intensely meticulously and embarrassingly intimately – and showered before he was allowed to change. He felt slightly better in the clean clothes as he watched his dirty ones thrown in a clear bag and sealed with him name on, written in block capitals in a thick black marker, ready to give to Kim or whoever came to see him next. When it was all done, Ryan was led out a back door. The sun was blindingly bright and hot enough to make a building wilt. He was piled into the back of a secured van, and the doors were slammed shut, the only light coming from the windows in front. Ryan felt the van rumble to life beneath him, and they started their journey with a one way ticket to uncertainty.


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: Hey guys, how's it going?**_

_**I know it's been a few days, and I'm sorry. I kind of lost my mojo for this story, but it's back again! I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter, so I'm not going to say anything lol. I'll try and get another chapter written and posted over the weekend, but I make no promises! lol :)**_

_**I just want to give a quick thank you to matthewsbj and tcsportsmed7! Without your amazing comments and incredibly helpful advice, I think I probably would have given up on this story a long time ago! 3**_

_**Ok, let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks a million!  
>xoloveJBox<strong>_

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><p>Three days passed, and although Sandy still rose early, he didn't feel like taking his usual early morning surf. He couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Instead, he did an hour or so of seemingly trivial paperwork. He wished there was more he could do for Ryan, but there was only so much he could achieve with what he had.<p>

Which was very little.

The police didn't have much to tell him, Ryan was still the only suspect, and Macalister Hayden had still not recovered consciousness. Though he hated to admit it, things weren't looking too good.

With his brain whirring and ticking with thoughts that refused to stay rational and organised, Sandy stepped into the kitchen. He was a little surprised to see Kirsten, Seth and Kim already in there. It had been so quiet that he was sure he was the only one awake. Sandy tried to give a cheery smile when he entered, but it was a feeble attempt and wasn't reciprocated anyway. Kirsten leaned against the counter, staring blankly ahead with a cup of coffee going cold between her fingers. Seth was munching unenthusiastically on toast, looking a few times like he was going to say something, though he never did. Kim was sat next to him, hunched over a piece of paper, feverishly scribbling something. Looking for any distraction available, Sandy took a few steps towards her and tried to see.

"Hey Kim, what are you doing?" he asked, trying to sound casual and nonchalant.

"I'm trying to make a list of things I can take for Ryan." She mumbled in reply, her face never leaving more than an inch or so away from the page. Sandy noticed this, and was curious.

"Kimberly, where are your glasses?" he asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine." She answered, looking up momentarily before going back to the page.

"Well I think it's great that you're thinking of things to take to Ryan. What do you have so far?" Sandy questioned, grateful for something to think about that may be at least a little helpful.

"Well," Kim replied, lifting her face and rubbing her eyes. "When you add everything up, I have a whole lot of nothing. Everything I think of just sounds stupid." She sighed dejectedly, running her fingers through her hair as the three Cohens took a look at the page of scribbling she had produced that morning. They all remained silent. They couldn't think of anything either.

"Why don't we go and see him later," Seth suggested "maybe after we speak to him we'll have some better ideas."

"I don't want to turn up empty handed." Kim replied, though she did want to go.

"I'm sure Ryan will just be happy to see you, Sweetie." Kirsten reassured her softly, a small half-smile on her face.

"Don't forget, the police still want to talk to you two this afternoon." Sandy reminded Seth and Kim, and Seth groaned.

"We've already told them a million times what happened. I don't know what else there is to say."

"Well unfortunately, what the five of you are saying, and what the other witnesses are saying are two different things."

"What do the other witnesses know?" Seth exclaimed loudly "They don't know Ryan!"

"We know that Seth, but there's nothing we can do. At the moment, all the facts are pointing to Ryan, and until Toby's brother wakes up, that's not going to change." Kirsten said firmly, though couldn't hide the uncertainty from her voice.

"Sandy," Kim whispered, almost inaudibly "What's going to happen to Ryan?"

Sandy looked at the girl in front of him. She was fifteen years old. She wasn't a child. He couldn't lie to her.

"I wish I knew Kid, I wish I knew." He finally replied sadly.

Kim let the answer sink in. She didn't want to think about what was going on. She wanted to wake up from this nightmare and have everything fine again. She prayed that everything would be fine, though she didn't see the point. She had come to conclusion long ago that no one was listening, that her silent pleas went unheard in the heavens.

"Come on you two," Kirsten eventually declared "I'll give you a ride to school."

Kim and Seth grabbed their things and trudged out the door.

It was going to be a long day.

Ryan looked at the clock. Kim and Seth would be leaving for school any minute now. He wished he was going with them, which was something he never thought he'd admit before. He wondered if he had told Kim her glasses were in the drawer next to her bed, where he had put them before heading out the party a few days before, because he had found them on the floor. He couldn't remember if he had mentioned it when he had spoken to her on the phone the day before. He asked himself if Kim had made his bed for him, like she did most mornings because he usually forgot. Twice now he had woken up in the middle of the night, thinking he could hear her crying. He hated that he had no way to know. He would have given anything to make sure she was ok.

Ryan looked at himself in the small mirror in his cell. It wasn't even glass. It was the strange kind of plastic used in children's toys that left the reflection warped and distorted, leaving an animated look to everything. The inmates weren't allowed glass; not since someone had tried to kill themselves with their mirror years before.

But Ryan didn't need a real mirror to see the bruises.

His lifted up his vest slightly, to investigate the sore, tender bruises there, fresh from the day before when one of the other boys had thought Ryan had looked at him funnily. If he had thought it was bad at the police station, it was one hundred times worse at the juvie. It was as if he had a sign painted on his back that said 'Please beat me up. I like it, really!'. Did he really have one of those faces? Ryan looked at the clock. It had been less than three minutes since he had last looked, but it felt closer to three hours. He sighed.

It was going to be a long day.


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N Hey guys :) **_

_**This is just kind of a filler chapter, but at the same time, it's semi-important too :) **_

_**Things should definitely start to pick up again in the next few chapters :D**_

_**I'm going to shut up now and stop babbling haha x**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**3**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>Walking up the white stone steps of Harbour, Kim could already hear the muffled whispers, filling the air like rain clouds and threatening to spill nastiness and lies. Both Kim and Seth could feel eyes piercing into them, and both silently wished the ground would open up and swallow them whole. Seth almost laughed when he realised it was probably the most attention he'd ever got from his peers at Harbour, and he would have given anything to make it go away.<p>

It wasn't any different once they'd passed through the wide heavy doors. The muttering and turning away came thick and fast, with various people throwing taunting, accusing looks over their shoulders. Seth and Kim said goodbye to each other and went towards their lockers. As Kim walked along, she was suddenly painfully aware of how alone she suddenly was, she found herself despising everything about the school- the immaculately clean and untainted walls, the litter free corridors and flyers that screamed chances and opportunities. Opportunities that she could see and feel moving further from her brother's grasp, whilst knowing that there was nothing she could do about it. But more than these things, more than everything that contrasted so harshly with her old school in Chino, Kim hated the people. They had no idea what they had, how much more they could get just because their parents had more money than others, and Kim could hear them pretending to understand what they were talking about. What did they know anyway? None of them had been there that night, and none of them knew Ryan like Kim did. Is she could be so sure that Ryan was innocent, what grounds did anyone else have to argue?

Kim reached her locker and opened it, using the door as cover and shelter as she piled in her books. She absent-mindedly looked around and saw _him_, just like she did every morning. Toby was unloading his own bag, and Kim was surprised to see him there. She certainly hadn't expected her to, and she wasn't sure how to feel or react. Toby must have felt her looking at him, because he turned and noticed her. For a few long seconds, the two stood staring at each other. Kim took in his dark, tired eyes, and his sandy blonde hair that he clearly hadn't taken the time that he usually did to make it neat. His t-shirt was crinkled, and she could see the fold lines in his jeans. It occurred to her then that Toby had probably come straight from the hospital. Kim hadn't seen him since the day at the police station, and she realised that it was probably the longest they had gone without speaking since she had arrived in Newport. The two had first met at the Vegas night event, and despite the embarrassing debacle with her mother that night, Toby had still called the next day to see if she wanted to go to the beach with him. Kim hadn't intended on making friends with anyone in Newport; she hadn't thought she'd be around long, and she was tired of giving up things that she cared about. In her life, she'd had so many friends who suddenly lost interest once they'd met her antisocial brothers or alcoholic mother. She couldn't think of a friend who'd met the same one of her mother's boyfriends twice, because they came and went so rapidly it was dizzying.

But Toby was different. He'd hung around after a very public, first-hand experience of the damage and destruction that seemed to follow them. He'd helped to make the transaction from Chino to Newport much less alien, because he hated Newport almost as much as Seth did. Though she wouldn't admit it, Kim found Toby charming, and endearing, and mildly good looking in a pretty 'surfer boy' kind of way. He had an air of casualness and kindness that drew you in and made you want to not let go. That had happened to Kim. It wasn't one sided either. With growing frequency, Toby had given her more and more signs that he liked her too. Despite this, they had silently agreed not to act on these feelings, that they were much better suited as just friends, and both of them seemed perfectly happy with that arrangement.

Looking at him now, Kim wasn't even sure it was the same Toby. There was none of the bubbly cheerfulness that seemed to follow him. The cheeky grin that made you think he could get away with anything he wanted was gone. Even the tan he was always clad in from his active, outdoors lifestyle seemed faded and disheartened. Catching up with herself, Kim made a move towards him. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to ask him how his brother was doing, because despite everything that was happening with Ryan, Kim cared very much for Toby, and she hated to see him upset. She _needed _him to know that she was there for him, whenever he might need her. However, before Kim could take another step, Toby moved backwards, shaking his head at her slowly, and a small, almost apologetic smile on his face. He closed his locker and walked away without looking back to her, leaving Kim when exactly it was all going to end. She looked at her watch; it was seven forty-eight.

That had to be a new record; the day being ruined before eight in the morning.

With her defences now lowered, Kim unintentionally began to let passing whispers flitter into her ears.

"I heard he killed the guy with his bare hands."

"My mom said it was only a matter of time, given where he came from."

"Why would he just do that to some random guy?"

"Maybe he's insane."

The words chased each other around her head, getting faster and louder with each passing second, threatening to overwhelm her to a point where nothing could have bought her back again. When the bell sounded for class, Kim had never been so happy to hear it. She breathed a small sigh of relief before trudging off to her first class of the day, wishing she could just disappear.

Ryan looked out through the window. The sun was high and hot, despite the fact that it was still early. The minutes seemed to crawl past at a snail's pace, and out of the three hundred and thirty mandatory minutes of schooling each day, he had only completed thirty of them. It was a shame: Ryan had really begun to enjoy school. He had started to allow himself to imagine actually completing high school- a first for anyone in his family- and college hadn't seemed like such a distance idea lately. But now that was all gone. He looked down at the maths book in front of him, and it all just looked like alien symbols on a page. It didn't make sense; he was good at maths, and always had been, despite the fact that back in Chino, he'd never really tried. His head spun with confusion. What did he even need any of it for anymore? Was he ever going to need to calculate the area of his cell? Or was he ever going to need to describe the angle at which his bed and the wall met? It wasn't just maths he was never going to need if he didn't get out. His entire schooling life would have been wasted. What was it he'd said to Dr Kim when she was reluctant to admit him to Harbour? 'Gimme a shot'? Look what I've done with that shot, Ryan thought bitterly. Thinking of Dr Kim and Harbour made Ryan remember all of the things the Cohens had done for him. Sandy had believed in him when no else did; Kirsten had allowed him and his sister into her home, despite the fact that she hadn't wanted them there; Seth had become his best friend, and Ryan knew that Seth would do anything for him, without ever expecting anything back. And what about Kim? She had always been there. She had cleaned him up when he had got himself into trouble, time and time again. She was the only person he could think of that had actually listened to him when he spoke before they'd met the Cohens. She had always been there for him, and he'd let her down. And the worst part was; he wasn't even sure he'd done anything wrong.

He looked at the maths again, but he made no attempt to pick up the pencil he'd been given. He filled his view with the outside world again, sighing heavily. The sun was so bright, Ryan could almost see the rays bouncing off the concrete. He longed to be out there, to feel the sun on his face, but he didn't know when, or if, that would happen again. The maths could wait. It could all wait. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, right?

So what was the point?


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: Howdy howdy you fine people :D**_

_**So, I wrote most of this chapter while I was on a break at college, so I know it might not be as good as a few of the other chapters (not that many of them are any good either haha) but I didn't want to make you lovely people wait too much longer. :)**_

_**I'm going to shut up now haha.**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

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><p>"Hey, how was your day?" Seth asked Kim when he met her at the end of the school day.<p>

"Brutal. How about you?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask the same bunch of people who've been watching me all day?"

"I know what you mean." Kim replied, smiling slightly, though she didn't know what there was to smile about. When she got home, she would have to talk to the police officers that would be waiting for them. She didn't want to have to go over things that she had already told them time and time again. Not that it would matter. Kim knew she could tell the officers the same things a million times and nothing would change. The evidence all pointed to Ryan; Kim could tell them otherwise until she was blue in the face, and it wouldn't make any difference.

They descended the steps, happier than usual to be leaving school for another day. They quickly located Sandy's car and clambered in, eager to leave. The three had pulled out of the parking lot before most of the other students had made it out of the building.

"How was school?" Sandy asked, but when neither answered, he hadn't been good. A few more minutes of silence passed before Kim leaned forwards from the back seat.

"Hey Sandy, can we still go and see Ryan today?"

"Sure, "Sandy confirmed, pleased to see both Kim and Seth perk up marginally at the thought "but don't forget; you both have to talk to the officers again this afternoon."  
>The reminder made them both slump back in their seats, and Seth groaned loudly.<p>

"I don't understand why we have to talk to them again." He complained "we've already told them what happened, and they've still decided that Ryan's guilty."

Sandy looked into his rear view mirror, noticing that Kim had gone quiet again, and he saw her biting her bottom lip nervously.

"Kimberly, I know what you're thinking, so stop thinking it." He warned, and Kim jumped slightly at being dragged so suddenly from her thoughts.

"I...I don't know what you're talking about Sandy." She tried, though she knew herself that it was an awful attempt at being elusive.

"Don't lie to the police." He commanded simply, and Kim's eyes widened a little at being caught out. She wasn't proud of the fact that she had considered lying; and she was less than impressed with herself because she had been caught so easily. But what else was she supposed to do? No one believed the truth, and she could see no alternative.

"It might help Ryan now, but in the long run, it will only make things worse." Sandy continued when she didn't say anything. "That goes for both of you." He added to Seth "if you don't know the answer to a question, tell them you don't know, but do not lie. At all."

The conversation was ended when Sandy pulled up in the driveway, the officer's car already there.

Kim took a deep, stabilizing breath. She was not looking forward to this.

Ryan looked across at the clock on the wall. It was almost exactly five o'clock in the evening. He had finished his school work at least two hours ago, and he'd done nothing but lie on his bunk ever since. He had counted and recounted the tiles on the ceiling, and he had started on the opposite wall. He was up 624. He lost count when a voice came at the metal bars that formed the forth wall.

"Atwood, let's go. You got visitors." The guard announced abruptly. Ryan sat up, blinking at him docilely.

"Yeah, you know, people. Come on, let's go." The guard that fetched Ryan was a nice man, though Ryan was yet to catch his name. He had bright, clear blue eyes that made him look like he was always laughing. His hair was thinning on the crown of his head, but it was still at the stage where it was almost unnoticeable when it was combed right. He was a big man, standing well over six foot, and had huge, broad shoulders. Even most of the tougher inmates had trouble keeping their cool when he was around, despite the fact that his bark was a lot worse than his bite.

Intrigued because he hadn't been expecting anyone, Ryan jumped from his bed and landed silently in the soft rubber pumps that adorned his feet. He waited patiently while the guard unlocked the door and let him out. They walked calmly down the corridor, Ryan's curiosity peaked. When they emerged into the cafeteria/visiting hall, Ryan had never been so relieved to see Seth. Under satisfactory supervision, the guard left again, and Ryan crossed the room to his friend.

"Hey," he greeted, getting Seth's attention.

"Hey man," Seth replied "how's it going?"

"It's definitely been better." Ryan answered, and Seth mentally winced at the stupidity of his question. The air turned slightly awkward, and they fell into a light silence for a few long seconds.

"We're only going to have about fifteen minutes each," Seth continued, not slightly conscious over what he was saying. "We only have an hour, and Dad needs to talk to you about...legal stuff that I have no idea about."

"Ok." Ryan replied, not sure what else to say.

"Well, I definitely prefer the playstation as a source of Seth/Ryan time, but this is cool too." Seth joked, and Ryan laughed lightly. It felt good to have something to laugh for, even though it wasn't particularly funny. He suddenly felt a little lighter, and as if things were at least a tiny bit better. Though Ryan wasn't stupid, he knew that it was going to take more than a bad joke to make things ok again. They chatted casually for a few minutes, though it was slightly stilted.

"Well, I better go," Seth finally announced, "Kim'll kill me if I take any of her time." Ryan smiled, and though he had enjoyed talking with Seth, he wanted to see his sister. Seth clapped Ryan's shoulder and said goodbye. Ryan watched him walk away and longed to be going with him. He spent a minute or so looking around the room, searching for distraction while he waited for Kim. When he heard her voice, his head snapped around. She was thanking the guard who opened the gate for her, and he sat, a little impatiently, while her eyes searched the room for her. She looked the same as usual, but Ryan had never been happier to see her. She eventually found him, and she beamed brightly as she strode over.

"Ryan," she breathed happily when she reached the table and sat across from him. She took his hand from the table and squeezed it comfortingly, because it was as close to a hug as they were allowed to get, which was a shame, because they both could really have used some contact at that moment. They went through the same initial conversation as Ryan had with Seth, but when Kim's face turned more serious, Ryan knew he would have to work to make things seem even a little normal.

"I bet the pool house is quiet." He commented, and Kim simply nodded, looking down at the table slightly.

"How was school?" he asked, trying again to get some kind of conversation started.

"Really, Ry? We're having small talk now?" she whispered, looking at him sadly.

"No, I guess not." He replied almost as quietly. He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to say.

"Did you do it?" Kim's awesome power of direct conversation really was incredible.

"I don't know." Ryan answered honestly, after a few long seconds of consideration. "I don't think so, but I...I don't know."

"How did you get those bruises?" she asked, nodding her head towards his face and arms. The speed at which Kim could change the topic of a conversation could be dizzying sometimes.

"It's nothing." Ryan answered feebly, an excuse he was used to telling her when he used to get into fights in Chino.

Kim laughed bitterly "That's almost as bad as telling me you walked into a door." She muttered. "I'm not a child Ryan!" Kim suddenly exclaimed, making Ryan and a few of the other boys around them jump slightly.

"I know." Ryan whispered, though he suddenly found it hard to see his fifteen year old present Kimberly. All he could see was the five year old Kimmy she had once been, scared and stammering in tattered clothes, someone he needed to protect. He couldn't help but think he'd failed her.

Kim could feel sharp, stinging tears prickling at the back of her eyes, and she was determined- no, _desperate-_ not to let them fall there. Not in front of her brother, not in front of the strangers in the room, not in front of anyone.

"I should go," she murmured "Sandy has some important stuff to talk to you about."

Ryan searched his sister's face. He mistook the sadness there for disappointment, and not just general disappointment; disappointment in him. In his eyes, she was not seeing Ryan, she was seeing Trey, or their father, and that felt like it was ripping him into little pieces.

"Ok," he said, trying to hide the fact that he was tearing himself apart "Let me know when you're coming next time, and I'll try to be in a better mood."

"Do you want me to bring anything for you the next time I come?" she asked in a low, sombre tone.

"No." He answered. What would he possibly need in here?

A minute passed, and Kim didn't leave. She wasn't sure if she could just yet.

"Have you told Mom?" Ryan asked, though they were no longer looking at each other

"No. Do you want me to?" Kim could feel the tears moving through her head like a flooding tide, and she knew that if she didn't leave soon, her tears would fill the room.

"No." Ryan finally answered. Kim rubbed her face roughly with her hands and stood abruptly.

"I love you Ry." She told him firmly, the only thing she seemed sure of lately.

"I love you too." He replied as she turned away. She took a few slow steps forward, readying herself to actually leave.

"Kim?"

She froze. She didn't want to turn around. She knew if she did, she'd have to stay, because she couldn't bear returning to an empty pool house where nothing seemed real to her. Why did he have to make things so hard? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, stabilising herself before turning back to him.

"Yes?" she asked, her voice wavering.

"Did you find your glasses in the drawer next to your bed?"

Kim smiled weakly. She should have known Ryan would have put them somewhere safe. She didn't know why she hadn't checked there. She knew that if she said anything else, she would break down, and she felt like she could cry for years, so she simply nodded, smiled and turned away. Kim walked out of the room and didn't look back.

But God knew it was hard.


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N Hey guys :D**_

_**Ok, so in the grand scheme of things, this isn't a very important chapter, but if you (like me lol) are a fan of the Kim/Toby things that's going on, this is a good chapter :D **_

_**I know things have started to slow down a little, but there are a few things that need to happen in my mind for the rest of it to continue. I don't know if that even makes sense? :s haha But anyway, yeah...just bear with me haha ;)**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>"Kimmy, I don't know about this." Seth told her uncomfortably for the hundredth time, as they made their way through the overly sterile corridors of the hospital.<p>

"Neither do I," she replied, hearing her heart beat violently in her ears and a cold, clammy sweat on her palms as she wrung them uneasily. "But we have to do _something_ Seth."

"And you think this is going to help?"

"I don't know!" Kim hissed "Do you have a better idea?"

Kim took his silence as a no. God, she hated hospitals.

"You could have waited in the car." She added quietly, which again elicited no response. They walked briskly through the corridors, with Kim looking down at the scribble of black ink on her hand. Macalister Hayden's room was somewhere deep in the building, and while she didn't want to admit it, she really didn't have any idea why she was there. Kim had spent the night worried about her brother. She couldn't get the images of Ryan's bruises, or the sounds of his deafening silence out of her head for long enough to sleep. She'd never felt so useless in her life. After hours of self debating, she decided she was going to come to the hospital, through she didn't know what for. With a definite plan in mind, she had finally drifted off into sleep, but had been far from restful.

The time had passed by in a haze, and Kim couldn't remember convincing Seth to drive her, or even the journey itself. She wanted to run, to get away from the horrid place and hide under her bed, but more than anything, she wanted Ryan back where he was supposed to be, and that wasn't going to happen unless _someone_ did something.

Kim looked again at the number on her hand and stopped. They had gone past the right room and had to go back a few paces. When they looked through the large window that showed them inside the room, if they hadn't known any better, Seth and Kim wouldn't have said that the man lying there was the same one they'd seen. Even from through the closed door, they could hear the dings and whirrs from the machinery. The sun shone into the room, but it did nothing to lighten the atmosphere. The wires and cables made Mac look robotic or alien or...Kim couldn't find any better way to describe it. Even from where they stood, the cuts and bruises were all too visible, but they both knew that wasn't the extent of the problems.

Kim wasn't sure what she had been expecting to see, but the sight in front of her hadn't been it. She pressed her head against the cool glass and sighed dejectedly.

"This was just mindless violence Seth," She whispered "Ryan didn't do this. He _couldn't_."

Seth couldn't speak. He tried to make his mind and mouth communicate with each other, to let Kim know that he's heard her and that he agreed, but he was too shocked by the image in front of him. What kind of person could do this to another human being?

"Kim? What are you doing here?" came a voice behind them, making them both jump. Seth and Kim spun around to see Toby standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand and a bewildered expression on his face.

"Toby!" Kim exclaimed, caught off-guard by his sudden appearance. She tried to remember the lame excuse she had thought of, but she knew it wasn't going to be good enough, so she decided to go with something else.

"I came to see you; to see if you were ok." While it wasn't the complete truth, it wasn't entirely a lie either. At the end of the day, Toby was her best friend, and she couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through.

"Kimmy, you can't be here." Toby replied quietly, looking back up the corridor nervously.

"What was it you said to me when I didn't call you when I was in the hospital? 'Your problem's my problem'? That works both ways Toby, and regardless of what's going on with our brothers, I care about _you._" Kim told him seriously.

"I know but if-" he started, but he was cut off by a sharp, booming voice.

"What the hell are they doing here?" it hollered, and Toby cringed slightly.

"They're just leaving Jamie." Toby replied simply, throwing covertly pleading looks to Kim and Seth. Riddled with confusion, Kim looked at the voice's body. It was big. Very big, with broad, muscley shoulders and thick, heavy looking arms. His head and face looked like a slightly squarer replica of Toby's, and Kim assumed it was one of his brothers.

"That doesn't answer the question." Jamie spat as he stomped over to them, his feet hitting the ground with a series of resounding thuds.

"I came to see if Toby needed anything." Kim told him calmly. If all of Toby's brothers were like Jamie, Kim could understand why Toby had never introduced her to them.

"Toby doesn't need anything from you, except to see your brother punished for what he did to Mac."

"There's no definite proof that Ryan did anything." Kim replied. She still spoke with an element of self-management, but she could hear the blood pulsing a little quicker in her ears.

"There were plenty of witnesses!"

"Including the two of us!" Kim yelled, and she could feel her grip on her control slipping as she indicated to herself and Seth. "We were there, and Mac was fine when we left."

"Run along _little _girl, before I do something I'll regret." Jamie growled.

"Hey, I'm big enough to knock you on your ass!"

As the two took a step towards each other menacingly, Seth and Toby had to step between them. Seth knew that Kim could give a good fight if she wanted to, and the situation would only be heightened by her discomfort from her setting. But Jamie was a lot larger than Kim. He could have broken her in half, and Seth knew that just because she _could, _it didn't mean she _should._

"Let's get out of here." He murmured quietly in her ear, hoping she would listen. For a minute, she continued to throw Jamie deadly glares, which he happily reciprocated with his chest puffed out intimidatingly, and his younger brother trying to get him to take a step backwards. Eventually, though, she nodded, and Seth gave a small sigh of relief.

"Toby, you know where I am if you need anything, any time." She said in a low, serious tone before turning. As they walked away, Kim could hear Toby chastising his brother, but as they turned the corner at the end of the corridor, she heard Toby call her name.

"Kim, wait up!" he yelled, and when she turned, Kim saw him jogging towards her.

"I'm sorry," she said simply as a blanket of guilt sudden enveloped her with the realisation of what she'd actually done. "I shouldn't have come."

"It's ok," Toby replied as he slowly wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "I'm glad you came. I know how much you hate hospitals and it means a lot that you would come. Thank you." He finished with a light peck on her cheek before unravelling and turning away. Kim didn't know when all this mess was going to end, or even if it would at all, but at least Toby was one less thing on a lot list that she had to worry about.


	22. Chapter 22

**_A/N: hey guys :D_**

**_OK, so I promised that things will start to get going again, and hopefully you'll all think that they have in this chapter a little haha._**

**_I want to apologize for the last chapter lol. I'm painfully aware that it was crappy, and if I ever get around to it, I'll try and have a go at rewriting it :)_**

**_Lastly, I want to thank everyone who has left a review! I write fanfictions mostly as practise for the more original writing that I attempt, and there have been so many helpful comments made that I've taken away and applied to other work so yeah, thank you! And of course, thank you to everyone who reads this! I look at the traffic stats thing most days, and it never fails to blow me away! _**

**_Alright, let me know what you think! Even if it's not something good, please let me know! :p_**

**_xoloveJBox_**

* * *

><p>Sandy shuffled papers and straightened pens in front of him anxiously. It made things seem more professional, because he didn't want to think about who his new client actually was. He wanted to keep the two- the old and the new-Ryan Atwoods separate. He'd always tried to keep the two worlds apart.<p>

But then, he thought, how could he ever do that, when that was how the two of them had met?

It had been eight days since Ryan had initially been arrested, but it seemed a lot longer to everyone. Since she wasn't in school that day, Kim had pretty much begged Sandy to let her go with him to the detention centre, but Sandy had told her she couldn't. Ryan had been too distracted the last time Sandy had tried to talk to him after seeing Kim, and the information Sandy had to discuss with Ryan was too important for that to be the same again. Ryan needed his head on straight, just as Sandy needed his to be.

Although he didn't want to admit it, to himself or anyone else, Sandy knew things were not looking good. A man the age and size of Macalister Hayden didn't remain unconscious after eight days from a few punches if everything was going to turn out ok.

Sandy's attention was caught by the sound of the gates being dragged open, and Ryan was escorted inside. The first, most immediate thing that Sandy noticed was that the boy in front of him was not the boy he had come to know. He looked more like the troubled young man Sandy had first met in the detention centre in Chino, almost an entire year before, because Ryan had been a scared kid who listened to his older brother just a little too much. Ryan dragged his feet, a soft shuffling noise coming from the ground under the soft rubber pumps he had been given. His face was grey and sullen, and his hair was flat and lifeless on his head. Sandy wasn't sure if it was just down to ill fitting clothes, but he couldn't help but think that Ryan looked thinner and smaller too.

As Ryan slumped into the seat opposite him, Sandy could see the additional bruises that had appeared since the last time he was here, just a few days ago. He had to work hard to shut himself off emotionally. He couldn't look at Ryan as the boy he had come to see as a second son. He wanted to badly to just tell Ryan that everything would be fine and that he would handle it. But Sandy knew he couldn't do that this time, because there was a strong chance that it wasn't true. He's worked more cases similar to Ryan's than he wanted to acknowledge, but Sandy wasn't sure how much he could help this time. Sandy was completely sure, and never had been, what it had been about Ryan that was different to all of the other troubled teens he'd worked with. His original case was very similar to a lot of them, and so many hadn't had parents who cared. In fact, very few of them had. It had had nothing to do with Kim either, not at first, because Sandy didn't meet Ryan's sister until he had picked them up at the phone box all that time ago. There had just been _something_ about Ryan Atwood that had been different. It might have been that he seemed to smart. It certainly hadn't been because he _looked_ different to the other boys in the detention centre. Sandy would probably never know what exactly it was, but it was important, and it had made a difference. If he was honest, Sandy couldn't imagine what life had been like before the two Atwood children had come along. But Sandy knew he couldn't think about that now. He knew he needed to be completely and totally objective. But Jeez, that was so hard...

"How are they treating you in here Kid?" Sandy asked to diffuse the silence that had fallen over the two of them.

Ryan simply shrugged. "Ok, I guess."

Sandy could almost see the walls that were being built in Ryan's eyes, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop the construction. Not until he knew more.

"I really screwed up big time, huh?" Ryan asked, raising his head only slightly when Sandy didn't say anything else.

"I don't know." Sandy sighed "Have you? I need to know Ryan."

"I wish I could tell you."

There was an air of awkwardness as the two of them both tried to work out what to say next. Neither of them had ever imagined that things would get to this point, no matter how bad things seemed.

"You're sister sure knows how to make a scene." Sandy eventually joked.

"What do you mean?"  
>Sandy quickly filled Ryan in on what had happened at the hospital with Toby and his older brother the day before, and Ryan rubbed his face roughly. He could understand why she had done it- she needed to feel productive- and he could definitely relate to that. He'd gone near crazy all week knowing there was nothing he could do except wait.<p>

"How is she?" Ryan asked quietly. He had asked his sister the same question the last time she had visited, but she hadn't answered.

"Kim's fine." Sandy assured him, sensing that Ryan needed a straight answer. "She's just worried about you. We all are."

"The worst part is: I don't even know if I _did_ anything Sandy! And that's killing me!" Ryan exclaimed angrily. "How am I supposed to convince other people that I'm innocent, if I'm not even sure myself?"

"I know Kid, I know." Sandy said softly before going back to the way he had been. "Right, let's get to business." He said firmly.

For the next hour or so, Sandy showed Ryan various bits of paperwork and explained certain details to him, but there was only one thing Ryan wanted to know.

"What happens if he dies?"

Sandy was caught off guard by how sudden the question was, and he didn't answer immediately.

"Well, then we have a problem, but so far that hasn't happened, so let's not think about it."

"I need to know Sandy." Ryan told him seriously.

Sandy cleared his throat loudly "Well, if Macalister Hayden wakes up, then it will all depend on what exactly he says, but if he doesn't..." Sandy wasn't sure how to finish.

"Then I'm in deep water?" Ryan tried, not liking the grim expression on Sandy's face.

"Yeah." Sandy replied.

"And so far, all the evidence says it was me?" Ryan queried.

"Yes." Sandy confirmed, though he hated doing it. "And there's not a lot we can do until _something _happens."

Ryan wanted to scream, or cry or both. How could things have gotten this bad? When had things taken such a dramatic turn?

Ryan stood abruptly, taking Sandy by surprise.

"Then there's nothing else we can do here." He mumbled quietly, not looking at Sandy. He couldn't.

"Ryan wait, I-" Sandy started, but Ryan simply walked away. What was the point?

After Sandy watched Ryan disappear through the gate, he waited for a few minutes, just in case Ryan changed his mind and came back, but deep down, Sandy knew he wouldn't. Ryan's summers in construction had really paid off for him in this situation, and Sandy knew the walls Ryan had built around himself were not coming down anytime soon.


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N: Hey you amazing readers :)**_

_**I know it's been a little longer than usual since my last update, and I apologize. Things have just been so hectic in the last few days or so, that I've had to write in little drips and drabs rather than giving it the attention I would love to be able to :/ I promise to try and update again quickly. **_

_**I don't know if any of you watch Glee, but if you do and you're interested, I've started a glee ff called 'Love Unexpected' so check that out :D**_

_**One last thing I promise and then I'll shut up haha: I'm not sure how much further I'm going to take this story, so if anyone's got any ideas/suggestions, I'd love to hear them!**_

_**Ok, so, let me know what you all think!**_

_**Love,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>"What do you mean he's not coming?" Kirsten exclaimed to the guard in front of her. She knew it wasn't his fault, but that didn't do anything to curb the surprise at what he had just told them. Kim and Seth stood behind her, clearly equally as bewildered.<p>

"I meant what I said and I said what I meant." The guard replied, keeping a completely serious expression on his face. Kim almost smiled. She appreciated the Dr. Seuss quote, but it did nothing to lighten the blow of what he had just revealed to them.

It had been two weeks. Two agonizingly long weeks since Ryan had told Sandy that there was no point trying to fight his case. Since then, Kim had visited Ryan several times, and each time, he had seemed more and more depleted. He had looked smaller, like a little boy sad about being sent to his room for something trivial. But this certainly wasn't his room, and it definitely wasn't something trivial.

This was real.

This was more reality than Ryan could ever have imagined, and each morning, the actuality of the situation slapped him in the face. The realness pinched his skin in a way that was unnoticeable at first, until it built up to such a point where it was impossible to ignore. It had become like a blinding beam from a flashlight permanently in his eyes, burning into his head to make sure he never forgot where he was or why.

This was the Ryan that had sat in front of her; his skin soft and tainted with cuts and sickly green bruises, in several one hour sessions of no direct eye contact, skittishness and hyper-sensitive senses. Kim had never seen her brother that way and she wished with everything she had that she didn't have to. Trey had never been like that when he'd been arrested. But then, she thought, Ryan was not like Trey. Trey was a different entity all together.

Though he didn't want to acknowledge it, Seth had kind of expected this to happen. He had watched his friend become increasingly withdrawn since his arrest, and it had only been a matter of time before Ryan just refused to see them.

"Maybe if you could get someone different to come; someone who hasn't been before?" The guard tried.

"There is no one else." Kirsten replied with a sigh, exasperated and wondering how to get past this seemingly huge obstacle.

Suddenly, Kim was hit by a brain-wave to strong it almost knocked her knees from under her.

"I can think of someone."

Marissa almost didn't hear the chime of the doorbell over the clink of her glass as she poured herself another drink. It was only five in the evening, and her head was already beginning to feel fuzzy. She relished in the distraction it gave her, and she considered ignoring whoever it was at the door. But then she decided against it. Her mother knew she was in, and if she found out she wasn't answering the door, she would begin asking questions about why. Marissa didn't usually drink when she knew her mother would be home at anytime, and she didn't usually start so early, but she'd had a rough day. She sighed, irritated, and slid the flask of alcohol back behind her socks in the door, slung back the remaining liquid and trudged down the stairs to the front door. Before pulling it open, she straightened her shirt and ran long, slender fingers through her hair in an attempt to neaten it.

Marissa wasn't sure who she'd been expecting at the door, but Kim Atwood certainly hadn't been it.

"Marissa. Hi." Kim said, as if she were surprised that Marissa would be there. Marissa found herself annoyed that she had been disturbed by Kim, of all people. She had never particularly liked Ryan's sister, and lately Marissa seemed to be irritated just by seeing her face.

"What do you want?" Marissa snapped.

"I haven't seen you for a while." Kim remarked, sensing how much her presence made Marissa angry. Kim knew it was a little childish, but it kind of made her slightly less vexed about what she had to do.

"I've been busy." Marissa told her with a sharp tone.

"I can smell that." Kim retorted coolly as a waft of the stinking aroma of alcohol hit her nostrils. "Can we talk?"

"I guess." Marissa moved aside to let Kim into the house, and she harshly slammed the door, just to make sure Kim knew that Marissa didn't really want her there. "Let's make this quick; I got stuff to do."

"Alright, I'll get straight to the point. I need you to go and see Ryan."

Marissa laughed bitterly "Why would I do that?"

"Hmm, let me think" Kim spat bitterly "maybe because he's supposed to be your friend."

"I can't." Marissa told her simply.

"Why not?" Kim demanded, a red haze spreading across her vision.

"You should see the looks people have been giving me at school." Marissa whimpered sadly, her eyes beginning to prick with tears.

"Yeah, I get them too." Kim retorted "So do Seth and Summer. But the three of us don't mope around at home all day and drink ourselves into _oblivion._"

Marissa slunk away, lowering herself onto the stairs, burying her head in her hands. No matter how much Kim didn't like the other girl; she couldn't help but feel bad for her. When it was clear that Marissa wasn't going to say anything else, Kim took a few steps forward and knelt down in front of Marissa.

"I know this is hard, but Ryan is shutting all his doors, and it won't be long until he locks them tight. Once that happens, no one will be able to get through to him, and honestly: I'm scared of what he might do if that happens. Please. All I'm asking is for you to talk to him."

As a response, Marissa simply sat and sobbed. When it was clear that Kim wasn't going to get anything that made sense, she got up and left, closing the door softly behind herself, wandering what was going to happen next.

Marissa rung her hands nervously as she stepped through set after set of rusty iron gates inside the juvenile hall. Her senses seemed hyper-alert as her eyes darted around, seeking out anything that might pose a threat. The walls were painted cold colours, and it all seemed to clean to be a place for juvenile teenage boys. She took a seat where she was directed, and waited, though it wasn't patiently. She tapped her foot anxiously, drumming her fingers on the table. After a few minutes, she saw Ryan emerge, and she suddenly perked up. She began to regret not visiting before, but as soon as she saw him, _really _saw him, she wasn't sure what to think. Even when they'd first met, there had been something there, some kind of spark that let her know that he was alive and fighting, but that was gone now, and all she saw was an empty shell of a person she had known.

"Hi," He mumbled when he approached, slinking down into his chair.

"Hey," she whispered in response, before the two fell into an awkward silence.

"What are you doing here Marissa?" Ryan asked, inspecting the table instead of looking at her.

"Your sister's worried about you. She asked me to talk to you, and she's very persuasive."

"Yeah well, she doesn't need me. None of them do. They're all better off without me."

"That's not true!" Marissa exclaimed. "Ryan, they love you!"

"That doesn't matter Marissa! It seems like everywhere I go, trouble follows me. Kim's had to put up with it her whole life and the Cohen's don't deserve to have that either."

"Ryan, I-"

"Just forget it Marissa!" Ryan exclaimed, getting up and stomping away and leaving Marissa feeling listless.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore Toby." Kim told her friend as they walked arm in arm along the golden sands of the beach. She looked across at his face, saw that he was distracted and cursed herself for being so insensitive. "I'm so sorry Toby. I'm being selfish. How is Mac?"

"Apparently he's doing better, but he doesn't seem any better to me." He replied softly.

"I don't know how, and I don't know when, but we have to believe that things are going to get better Toby."

"They will Kimmy. I'm sure they will." Kim mentally cringed by how unconvinced her best friend sounded.

The two continued to walk in silence for a few long minutes, and Kim was caught off-guard when Toby suddenly stopped and took her by the shoulders.

"Just promise me that no matter what happens with Mac and Ryan, we'll still be best friends." He demanded; an urgent, almost pained expression on his face.

"I promise." She replied seriously, and when Toby wrapped his arms and leaned his head on her shoulder, she held him tightly. Kim wasn't sure how long they stood there like that, and they only unravelled when Toby's phone began vibrating in his pocket. They had been standing so close that even Kim felt it. He quickly pulled it out and stared wide-eyed at the screen.

"It's my Mom" he told Kim, and it was clear that he was terrified.

"Do you want me to move away a little so you can talk in private?" she asked as the phone continued to buzz.

"No." He said, too quickly "No, please stay." Toby gripped her hand tightly as he pressed the minuscule green button and bought the phone to his ear.

"Mom...yeah...No, I'm at the beach with Kim...Seriously? I'll be right there."

When Toby hung up, Kim went cold as she saw his face pale, and she could feel his hand tremble in hers.

"Toby, what's going on?" she asked, though she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

Toby simply whispered "My brother just woke up."


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N : Howdy my lovely readers!**_

_**Alright, so I know it's been a while since I updated, but I've been working on another story (a glee ff if anyone wants to check that out) and this one kind of got put on the back burner a little ;) But I'm back now, and I'm going to find a better way to juggle the two stories equally!**_

_**Hopefully this chapter will give you all the answers that you've been waiting patiently for! I really want to thank all the incredible people who have had the patience to stick with me and this story! I look at the traffic stats thing quite a lot, and it never fails to blow my mind!**_

_**Let me know what you think!**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>It was uncharacteristically warm in his cell, not that Ryan would notice. He was beyond noticing. He had stopped doing his school work- he didn't see the point- he didn't go out to use the gym equipment when it was offered to them, and if he could get away with it, Ryan didn't leave his cell. Mostly, he just lay on his bed, counting the squared tiled on the ceiling.<p>

It had been a week since Marissa had come to see him, and though he wasn't sure what had made him agree to see her, Ryan regretted it. Kim had come three times since then, but he hadn't seen her. The third time had been two days before, and she had ended up shouting down the corridor at her. It had been painfully hard for Ryan to ignore her, especially when she began pleading, but he knew that it would be better for her. Ryan knew that Kim had put up with so much from her two older brothers, the two people in the world who were supposed to be there for her, and care for and protect her, and they'd both just caused her more trouble. Sitting on his bed, trying to block out his younger sister's angry shouts, Ryan had mentally promised her that she would not have to deal with either of them anymore, that Seth was good enough for her.

The jiggling of keys at his cell door dragged a begrudging Ryan back to the present, very real world. He despised it, but it had caught him off guard, and Ryan found himself looking up to see who was there.

"Let's go Atwood, you've got a visitor." The guard there announced. It was the same guard that had dealt with Ryan since his arrival, and Ryan felt bad that he hadn't learnt the man's name yet, despite the fact he had been there over a month.

"I don't want to see anyone." Ryan mumbled moodily, lying back down again.

"Trust me Buddy, I think you do." The guard assured him, though Ryan had no idea what the man was talking about.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, I'm not your secretary." The guard joked with a light-hearted, lop-sided grin. "It's not anyone that's been before."

The guard must have seen the scepticism on Ryan's face, because he simply carried on without waiting for Ryan to reply.

"C'mon, what's the worst that could happen?"

Ryan felt his curiosity spike, and seeing nothing else to do, he jumped down from his top-bunk bed and padded over to the door.

Ryan wasn't sure who he had been expecting, especially since he couldn't think of anyone who was likely to come but hadn't. All he could think when he saw the boy there was that Toby Hayden hadn't been it. Ryan liked Toby; Toby was his sister's best friend, and he was one of the only people Ryan could trust not to hurt her. At first, Ryan had been wary of Toby, wandering what his motives were in being friends with Kim, but it hadn't taken him long to see that Toby was a genuinely nice kid, and the two boys got on well, which Ryan knew pleased Kim.

Toby looked uncomfortable- more uncomfortable than people usually looked in places like these- and Ryan appreciated the fact that Toby attempted a small smile when he saw him. Ryan sat down opposite the boy, not knowing what to expect. They sat for a few dragging minutes, neither one quite sure what to say. After realising that he had been enveloped in silence for days, and how much he hated it, Ryan decided to start the conversation, mostly to make it easier for Toby, but also to check that he still had a voice.

"I was surprised to see it was you." Ryan told the other boy in a low, sombre tone. It wasn't much of a voice, but at least it was still there.

"Kim asked me to come, since you won't see anyone else anymore." Toby replied quietly as he inspected the table between them.

"It wasn't fair of her to do that." Ryan answered.

"I don't mind. I wanted to talk to you anyway." Ryan felt his blood run icy cold as scenarios played through his head of all the things Toby might need to come and tell him personally. When Ryan didn't say anything, Toby continued.

"My brother woke up the other day. Kim tried to tell you, but you wouldn't see her."

"Is he going to be ok?"

"They say it might take a while, but he will be."

"Look, Toby I-" Ryan started, but Toby quickly interrupted him.

"If it makes you feel any better, if I'd have known what Mac had done to Kim, I would have beaten him up to."

"Toby, I'm not sure whether I actually did anything." Ryan tried, though he didn't even convince himself, never mind anyone else.

"Kim's been telling me all along that you didn't."

"And you believe her?"  
>"I wouldn't be here if I didn't. She asked me to give you this, by the way." Toby carefully pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Ryan. He unfolded it once, and immediately recognised his own writing. All it said was 'Kim'.<p>

But underneath, in his sister's perfectly neat, flowing script it said 'Ryan'. His curiosity peaked, Ryan opened the last fold, and he suddenly remembered what he was looking at. It was the note Ryan had wrote an eternity ago, when Kim was in the hospital. He had written it to let her know that she could return home the next day, and now she was giving it to him, but Ryan wasn't sure exactly what that meant.

Ryan looked from the note, to Toby and back again. His voice seemed to be trapped in his throat, and no matter how hard he tried to get it out, he couldn't make any sound.

"Don't worry Ryan, it wasn't you. It turns out you weren't the only big brother Mac pissed off that night." Toby whispered, and Ryan had to fight through the fog in his brain to fully understand what was being said to him.

"There's more, right?" Ryan asked, equally as quiet.

"The other girl was twelve." Ryan mentally cringed at the thought of what Toby was saying, and he could almost feel the shame and embarrassment oozing from the boy over what he now knew his brother could do, regardless of whether it was under the influence of alcohol.

"That doesn't explain why I can't remember anything from that night though." The idea that he was missing an entire night from his memory still troubled Ryan, and he had given himself many sleepless nights and headaches trying to recover those lost hours.

"Mac tried to slip something in Kim's drink. He'd been watching her all night, and I'm guessing you gave her the wrong one." Ryan let the new information sink in, but after he did, he wished he hadn't let it. The thought that someone had been thinking that way towards his little sister made Ryan sick to his stomach, and though he hated the idea that he had no recollection of that night, he now would not want it any other way. His missing memory was much better than what the alternative might have been if Mac had been successful in drugging Kim's drink.

"I'm sorry that you got dragged into this Ryan, you didn't deserve it." Ryan was about to respond, but Toby got up before he had chance. "I'll see you around."

Ryan watched Toby leave through t a guarded gate at the end of the room, and when he looked down, he realised he was still caressing the folded note in his hand. He felt like jumping on the table and screaming from the top of his lungs. Every feeling of anger, uncertainty and anxiety was melting away, and was replaced by such a mixture of emotions that Ryan wasn't even sure what he felt.

There was only one thing he did know: he was going home.


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: Hey!**_

_**Alright, so this is a really short chapter, but I wanted to get it up for you all! At the moment, I'm thinking that this story may loosely follow the programme for a while, but then it will go back to more original stuff, I promise! **_

_**I want to apologize for the shoddy writing in this chapter, and if I get time, I might take a shot at rewriting it, but for now...here it is lol :)**_

_**Reviews are very much appreciated. I love hearing what people think! Even if it's something that you don't particularly like, please still tell me, because I can't do anything about it unless I know about it! I know that some people get super possessive over their writing and don't like it when someone criticises it, but I truely believe that the comments that you lovely people have left me has improved my writing dramatically! I really want to thank everyone for that. The traffic stats thing for this story truely is incredible, and I love you all so much for it!**_

**_Alright, I'm going to shut up now haha :D Please enjoy!_**

**_xoloveJBox_**

* * *

><p>Ryan woke up the next morning, convinced that he had dreamt the last twenty four hours. Surely it couldn't be as simple as it seemed? Though he knew it was clichéd, Ryan gave himself a hard pinch, and when nothing changed, he knew he was awake.<p>

It was all real, and he couldn't believe it.

Ryan jumped excitedly from his bed, landing softly on the cold floor. Though it was uncomfortable and he hated the feeling, the knowledge that it would never happen again made it alright. Ryan found himself rushing around his small cell, gathering his things. He didn't have much, a few books that his sister had bought for him; a small personal cd player and a handful of cds. While he waited anxiously, Ryan washed his face, brushed his teeth, and for the first time in weeks, he combed his hair. For a while, he had lost any reason to do trivial things like that, but he found himself renewed with seemingly endless energy.

He was going home!

Despite the fact that he was up earlier than the rest of the inmates would be, a guard soon jangled his keys at the door, and Ryan was ecstatic to see that there were no cuffs in his hand.

"Let's go Atwood." The guard said, a kind smile spreading across his face. "You're out of here."

It was the same guard that had always dealt with Ryan. However, in the whole time he had been there, there was still something Ryan didn't know.

"Can I ask you something?" Ryan requested, causing the guard to gain a curious, slightly amused look.

"Shoot."

"What's your name?"

If the guard was surprised by Ryan's question, he didn't show it. Instead, he looked pleased, and he wore a lop-sided, warm smile.

"Frank Lang."

Ryan gathered his belongings in his arms and, for the last time, exited his tiny cell. The two of them made their way down the corridor; past the cells of sleeping inmates, past the overly sterile cafeteria and away from the falsely positive visitor's room.

It was as if the whole month and a half had never happened, and Ryan suddenly found himself in the same room that he had started in. However, this time, instead of his clothes being taken away from him, they were returned. As he stripped of the dark blue overalls, he was relieved the see his familiar faded blue jeans, and the white wife beater that he was always so comfortable in. Without being told, Ryan knew that Kim had sent the clothes; it wasn't just a coincident that they were his favourite. He smiled when he thought about Kim, about finally getting to hear her play her guitar, about Seth and all the playstation time he would be more than happy to make up for, about Sandy and Kirsten, Summer and Marissa and...just everything. When he was dressed, he followed the guard from the building and saw a truck waiting for him. Before he took a step towards the vehicle, Frank Lang turned to Ryan with his hand outstretched.

"I hope I never see you here again kid."

Ryan couldn't help but laugh before shaking the other man's hand.

"Me too."

Without looking back at the place Ryan had no intention of every returning to, Ryan climbed into the truck. Instead of having to sit, cuffed, in the back, Ryan was allowed to sit in the front next to the driver. It was a simple thing, being able to see where he was going, but Ryan had never felt so free.

As the truck rumbled to life beneath him, it didn't hold the same sense of doom that it had before. Ryan knew that his one way ticket to uncertainty had been upgraded to a return trip home.


	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N Hey :D**_

_**I know it's been a little while again, but I've been so busy :( The good news is: I have two weeks break now for easter, so I should be able to get, at the very least, another chapter up in that time, though I'll definitely try for more haha :)**_

_**Reviews are appreciated :) I love reading them, and they are a huge motivation! Let me know what you think!**_

_**Love,**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>"Well, I don't understand what the problem is," Kim exclaimed from the back of Sandy's car. "They know Ryan didn't do it."<p>

"Kim, it's not that simple." Sandy told her, just as he had done every time she had complained for the past two days.

"Why not? He didn't do anything wrong!"

As the two fell into an already repeated conversation, Seth looked confusedly out the window. He had thought they were on the way to school, but he had now realised that they were going in the wrong direction. However, he didn't say anything, thinking that his father had simply chosen another route.

They drove for a few more minutes, and as Seth saw them getting further and further away from the direction of school, his dark eyebrows knitted together in a frown, and he couldn't hide his confusion any longer.

"Dad, where are we going?" he asked, the knowing smile on his father's face doing nothing to answer the questions that flittered around his mind.

"You'll see." Sandy told them simply.

Intrigued and curious, Kim and Seth remained quiet, searching for signs or an indication of their destination. They passed a lot of places they recognised, but nothing gave them any clues.

The perplexity of the situation was only added to when Sandy pulled back into the driveway of their home.

"Oh wow," Seth said sarcastically as he stepped out of the car "Our house."

"Sandy, what's going on?" Kim asked, dumbfounded.

"Come on." Sandy replied, ignoring her question with a grin as he motioned for them to follow them to the door.

When they walked in, Kim noticed that Sandy seemed surprised when he looked around, but she didn't know why. She left Seth and Sandy in the living room while she went to return her bag to the pool house. She looked around the room, noticing that she had forgotten to make her bed before leaving. Kim crossed the floor and pulled back the sheet, tugging them down into place. When she spun around, she saw her brother's bed, and it seemed like an eternity since she had done the same to his sheets, the ones that had still been jumbled up from the chaos of Ryan's arrest. When she had learnt what had really happened with Toby's brother, and that Ryan would be released, Kim had eagerly changed the bed sheets on Ryan's bed, vacuumed the floor and straightened the things that had become dishevelled in her solitude. She sighed, wondering when exactly her now exonerated brother would return home.

Kim froze when she re-entered the living room. When she had left, there had been two people there. Now, there were four. One was Kirsten, and the other was a taller, blonder, male mirror of herself. He was thinner now, the clothes that had fit perfectly not so long ago hanging limply from his body. His face was covered in small scratches and sickly green fading bruises. His hair stuck up haphazardly in awkward places, but his smile was the same.

"Ryan," she breathed, tears pricking in the back of her eyes. She didn't try to force them away like she normally would have. She didn't care that they were there. There was only one thing on her mind, and he was standing right in front of her. She didn't know why, but she couldn't make her feet work. She remained in the doorway, staring amazedly at the sight before her; one that she had began to think she would never see again.

When Ryan started moving towards her, the motion kick started her brain, and she ran across the room, throwing herself at her brother. As she flung her arms around his neck, she felt his strong hands reciprocating her hug. She breathed him in- Ryan had not worked in a mechanics for at least three years, and yet to Kim, he always smelt of grease and oil. She was comforted by the familiar aroma, and she stored it away in her mind, hoping that he would never be gone long enough for her to have to retrieve it again. They all knew that there were lots of things that would need addressing, things they would have to think about and consider, to plan for and accommodate, but none of it mattered then.

He was there. Ryan was home.

_When Ryan dragged open his heavy eyelids, he was greeted with the increasingly familiar sight of the ceiling of his cell. A cold breeze pushed through, sending violent shivers through his body. He sat up, confirming that he was back in his cell. He couldn't understand. He was sure that he had returned home. He couldn't remember coming back to the detention centre, but at the same time, he was not surprised to find himself there. Ryan jumped down from the bed, the icy cold stinging the bottom of his feet. The wind that whistled between the bare bricks seemed to whisper his name, over and over again, driving the sound into his mind until he could hear nothing else. Distracted by the sound, and the unpleasant sensation in his feet and lower legs, Ryan hadn't noticed to walls slowly moving inwards until he could reach out and touch them in all directions. Panic began to rise in his body, and he slunk to the floor, his heart rate accelerated and a cold, clammy sweat dripping down his back. The sound of jingling keys momentarily comforted him, but they sounded different; shrill and menacing as they rose in volume. The guard, Frank Lang, appeared at the door, though Ryan didn't know how he knew that it was the same man. The one that stood in front of him now had now eyes, no nose, just a wide, cruel grin that terrified Ryan more than he could even understand himself._

"_I knew you'd be back." The mouth murmured in a sing-songy voice. _

"_No." Ryan replied, sounding firm, and braver than he felt. Lang stumbled towards him as he and everything around them began to melt away like grains of sand, slipping through outstretched fingers on a beach. _

"_No!" Ryan yelled over and over again, the sound of his own voice echoing, more and more distant with every second. Soon, everything in the room was gone, faded into nothing, and Ryan could feel the floor beneath him crumpling. He could still hear the whispering of his name, getting louder and louder, and more real with every passing moment, taking over and controlling each of his senses in turn with such force, it was jolting. He grabbed at whatever he could, but nothing stayed solid enough to provide any kind of helpful support._

"_Ryan...Ryan...Ryan...Ryan..." the walls hissed, whistling in a high pitch whine._

_Unable to stop himself, Ryan began to fall. And fall and fall and fall..._

"Ryan! Ryan, wake up." Kim said as she attempted to shake him into consciousness. His eyes flew open widely, and he could barely catch his breath. He reached out for anything he could, sure that he was still falling, and he could feel his sister's small, warm hands on his chest. He sat bolt upright, taking in the room and breathing a shaky sigh of relief at the comforting sights of the pool house. As he buried his face in Kim's long soft hair, she rubbed his trembling arms and shoulders for a while, whispering soft encouragements in his ear. She could feel that his head was slick with scared sweat, and in the dim light of her bedside lamp, she could damp patches on his bed sheets. When she felt that Ryan was steady again, she got up from her brother's bed and went to the bathroom, turning on the shower there. She did not need to tell Ryan anything, he knew what she was doing and he was grateful for it. He padded shakily to the bathroom, closed the door, stripped of his bedclothes and sat in the shower for what seemed like hours. He had never been gladder that the pool house was not attached to the main building and that there had been no way to disturb any of the Cohen's with his nightmare.

When he felt marginally better, Ryan dried and dressed, and when he returned to the main room, Kim was just finishing changing his bed sheets. The old ones lay in a crumpled heap near the door, ready to be transferred to the laundry basket in the morning. Ryan gave her a weak, half-hearted smile, and silently, they each climbed back into their beds. Kim flipped the switch of her lamp, plunging the room into darkness once more. She waited until she heard the soft sounds of her brother's slow, sleeping breaths before she even thought about returning to her dormancy, knowing that although they had won the battle, the war continued.


	27. Chapter 27

_**A/N: Hey folks, how's it going?**_

_**I know it's been longer than usual since I last updated, but I got a little distracted with my Glee ff, and I've had a gigantic pile of homework to do (which I still haven't finished haha) but here it is! :D **_

_**Again, it's got to a point where it may be a bit slow for a while, but stick with me, because I promise it will get better again soon! (well, hopefully LOL)**_

_**Ok, well I don't think there's anything else to say :)**_

_**Reviews=Happy me :D (as well as the fact that they are extremely helpful in letting me know what people like, what I'm doing well etc etc etc...)**_

_**Thanks!**_

_**xoloveJBox**_

* * *

><p>Kim woke a few hours later to the dull vibrating of her phone on the bedside table. When her mind was cleared of some of the sleep induced fog, she snatched it up, not wanting to wake her brother after their interrupted night. She looked at the time before answering. It was 6:45 in the morning. Wondering who would need to talk to her so early, Kin flicked open the phone and bought it to her ear.<p>

"Hello?" Kim whispered, wishing she was still asleep.

"Kimmy, are you awake?"

Kim was surprised when Toby's voice travelled to her.

"I am now." She replied "What's up?"  
>"I need to see you." Toby told her simply. Kim stretched and slumped back onto her pillow.<p>

"Can't it wait a couple hours Tobes?" She yawned.

"I wish it could Kimberly, I really wish it could."  
>The use of her full first name, along with the sudden serious tone of her friend's voice let Kim know that whatever it was, it was important.<p>

"Ok," Kim told him as she sat up "On the pier?"

"Sure."  
>"Give me ten minutes."<p>

Kim found that she forgot about her fatigue as she climbed out of bed. She threw on a pair of jeans and an old baggy sweater, before pulling a brush through her hair, tying it into a loose bun and slipping into ancient, ragged sneakers. Kim scribbled a not to her brother, in-case he woke up before she returned, but as she listened to his soft snoring, she doubted he would.

It was windy in the morning hours, and Kim was glad she had pinned her hair away from her face as much as it would go. A few strands of her fringe fluttered across her eyes she walked briskly across the beach, towards the pier. The wooden structure came into view, and Kim could see Toby's figure leaning on the railing at the edge. She waved in his general direction but guessed that he hadn't seen her when he didn't reciprocate the action.

A minute later she was next to him. Kim knew immediately that something was wrong. Toby was quiet, and he didn't move when she approached him. He didn't greet her warmly, as he usually did, and his shoulders were hunched over, making him look smaller than he was.

"Hey," Kim greeted, a little louder than was necessary, cutting through the strangely tense atmosphere.

Toby looked across and smiled weakly, but didn't say anything. Kim found herself unusually uncomfortable in the awkward silence between them, so she broke it, hoping Toby would give her a response.

"How's your brother?" she asked.

"He's doing better, thanks." Toby replied sullenly. When they once again lapsed into silence, Kim began to feel angsty.

"Toby, what's going on? Why are we meeting so early?"

"Because I have a flight to catch." He replied darkly.

Kim let out a laugh, thinking that her friend was joking, but the sad look on his face suggested otherwise.

"What are you talking about?" Kim stammered, truly bewildered by what Toby was telling her.

"My mom put a down payment on a house in Chicago. We have to leave in an hour."

"You're leaving?" Kim exclaimed.

"With all this stuff with Mac, Mom and Dad don't want to around here anymore."  
>"And you chose to tell me an hour before you have to leave?" Kim spluttered angrily.<p>

"I've been trying to change their minds." Toby murmured, a look of disdain plastered on his face. Seeing it, Kim felt instantly guilty, and she threw her arms around his neck.

"I'm really sorry Kimmy, I really am." Toby whispered into her shoulder.

"It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Kim replied, forcing herself to hold in tears that were threatening to fall.

Thirty minutes later, Kim let herself back into the pool-house, rubbing her eyes as her head pounded painfully. She had said goodbye to Toby, each promising to keep in touch very regularly through emails and phone calls. Kim kicked off her shoes and slumped onto her bed with her eyes closed.

"Hey," came a voice from across the room, making Kim jump. Her eyes flew open and landed on her brother, sitting up and looking at her.

"Jeez," she hissed, "you scared me."

"Sorry," Ryan chuckled, looking less than sincere in his apology. "Where did you go?"

"The pier. Toby called and wanted to see me. He's moving away." Kim explained sadly. The amused grin slid from Ryan's face as he listened while Kim told him about Toby's parents moving them all to Chicago.

Ryan watched as Kim picked up her guitar and began strumming the strings idly, recognising it as a way of turning the conversation in another direction.

"What day is it?" he queried, finding that he still hadn't caught up with the real world yet.

"Saturday." Kim replied "And don't forget, you have school on Monday."

The look of horror that appeared on her brother's face made Kim snicker slightly.

"You didn't do any of your work, did you?"

"Kimmy, the evidence was stacked pretty darn high against me," he exclaimed "I didn't think I was going to need it."

"Well, " Kim laughed, tossing a book over to Ryan's bed "You've got a lot of work to do brother."


	28. Chapter 28

**_A/N: Howdy folkes!  
>Wow, it seems like forever since I updated this story! I am really sorry : I was just so caught up in school stuff and then when I went on break I had kind of lost a little of my motivation for this story. It's just a pain that I've finally gotten back three days before I return to college for two weeks. :s However, after that two weeks, I have about eight or nine weeks off for the summer, and I promise to upload a new chapter at least once a week for this story during that time :D Hopefully, that makes up for how disgracefully neglegent I've been. :)_**

**_Disclaimer; I don't own the OC. If I did, it definitely would not have finished. _**

**_As always, reviews are very much welcomed and extremely appreciated. Let me know what you think of this chapter, despite the fact that it's quite a bit shorter than a lot of the others.!_**

**_LOVE LOTS_**

**_xoloveJBox_**

* * *

><p>The air was thick as Ryan, Kim, Seth and Summer ascended the white steps of Harbour the next morning, filled with hidden whispers and hushed or dropped conversations as they walked past, eyes following their movements attentively, each person looking for gossip topic for the week. Kim looked up at her brother, seeing the way he kept his eyes to the ground as he moved, avoiding eye contact and folding his arms across his chest self-consciously. She mentally cursed every single person she caught staring, despising them for making Ryan feel uncomfortable, but she, along with Seth and small interjections from Summer, attempted to pretend nothing was any different. However, their over-emphasised bravado did nothing to ease the tension as poorly suppressed whispers filtered towards their ears. Looking across at her brother, Kim admired him for how well he appeared to be dealing with all the sudden, unwanted attention. To anyone else, he would have seemed completely unfazed, but Kim knew differently. She could see little details that told her just how awkward Ryan felt; the way his eyes kept flickering back to the floor, unable to meet anyone else's; the fact that his knuckles were almost white from where he was desperately clutching at the straps of his backpack, as if they affected how much, or how little he was noticed.<p>

The four of them had lockers that were relatively close, and when Ryan opened his, he stood so close to it that he looked as if he were trying to climb in, to disappear and be taken away from prying eyes and rumours that had all been formed with only snippets of the real facts. No one seemed to care that Ryan had been acquitted from all the charges, that it had been _proven _that he was innocent. It didn't seem to occur to anyone that the little fighting Ryan had done had been to protect his sister and friends from being attacked by a drunken stranger throwing himself at them. Ryan tried to act as if it didn't matter that nobody recognised these factors, because everyone who mattered to him knew the truth; but that didn't shield him from the nosy eyes burning into the back of him as he scooped all of his books back into his locker. It seemed like forever since he had last been to school, and the whole thing seemed so unreal at that moment. He was waiting for the sensation to wear off, but he wasn't sure how long that would take, and he just wanted for everything to be back to normal. Ideally, he would have liked for the past few weeks to have not happened, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it now so he didn't see the point on dwelling on it. Ryan glanced over at Kim, and he could see her subconsciously searching for Toby in the crowd, but they both knew that he wouldn't appear. He would be in Chicago now, starting his life over again in a place where no one knew him. The idea didn't seem so terrible to Ryan right at that moment, but even if Ryan had been presented with an opportunity to wipe his slate clean by leaving Newport, he wasn't sure that he would take it. He had never been one to run away from his problems, and he certainly was not going to start for a problem that wasn't even his anymore.

Ryan suddenly gave a big, loud yawn. He had stayed awake for much longer than he should have trying to catch up with all the school work he had dejectedly neglected whilst being in juvie, and he had made a good start, but he knew that there was still a lot to do. Kim had helped him for most of the previous day; Ryan knew that she was much smarter than a lot of people her age, and it had helped to keep her mind off of the fact that one of her only friends was leaving her. Ryan had had to convince her that he was going to bed himself before she would think about sleeping, and he had waited until he could hear her soft breathing before flicking his lamp back on to continue studying, even long after the sun had melted under the horizon, leaving a black canvas in the sky instead.

The bell rang, shrill and piercing through the air, pulling everyone from their various distracting thoughts. The corridors erupted with people making their way begrudgingly to their first classes, and Ryan closed his locker.

He looked around, saw all of the gaping eyes staring intensely at him still and knew, not for the first time recently, that it was going to be a_ long_ day.


End file.
